To think friend is being mean?

[PhuketReject]

There’s a band I love - friend and her boyfriend love them too. They are American and not toured in the UK for years.

I asked friend if she wanted to go and she said she’s already going with boyfriend. Which is fine, I’m just not sure why we couldn’t all go together. I don’t think her boyfriend has an issue with me.

I don’t have anyone else to go with who will pay that much to see a band they’ve likely never heard of.

I said 'tried to' gatecrash... try to learn to read.

And when did I expect her to cancel? you started a thread to says she mean because she didnt change the original plans to include you urgo you 'expected' her too.

How have I slagged off her date exactly? You keep saying its not a date, that its not special etc...

I think the lack of explanation from your friend does make this seem a bit mean. She could easily have touched upon why she was wanting to be alone with her boyfriend at the concert though to me that's a bit odd if it's about spending quality time with her boyfriend considering there will be a lot of people there seeing as they are a popular American band. I don't blame you for feeling confused about her intentions on this and it does seem a bit mean to me xxxx

I know you haven't suggested any likelihood in your op of your friend being jealous of the idea of you being around her boyfriend , but is there any chance it could be that? Occasionally friends do have issues like this if they think their boyfriend might find a friend attractive xxx

No is a full sentance.

Why does this person who was minding her own business now have to give a run down of her date night to someone.

Maybe they are planning on just relaxing in each others company or maybe they want a cheeky fingering in the bogs before heading home in he new naughty crotchless underwear for 'making babies' time... who the fuck knows? who the fuck cares? its THEIR private business that they dont have to 'explain'.

I already have plans to go with my partner IS all the explination needed.

By saying "boyfriend" you made it sound like this is just some guy. This is her long-term partner, who she has probably been doing everything with for years. You're just annoyed because it's something you like and don't have that other friend to go with this time.

I thought it was Paramore before you said £22. You said you don't know anyone else who would pay 'that much' hence why people probably thought it was quite expensive. It's selfish of your friend but just go alone if you want to see them that much.

Well how did I try and gatecrash when I never asked to join her?

Changing a plan isn’t cancelling though is it. So explain how how I asked her to cancel.

You either can’t read as you’ve failed to answer these or you know you made it up in your psycho head.

I asked how someone knew it was special. That’s not slagging it off. It might be special to her or it might not.

If you construe boyfriend as just some guy then that’s on you. She calls him her boyfriend.

She hasn't gatecrashed anything! It hasn't taken place and she only asked the friend if she wanted to go. She has come on here to find opinions on whether this is mean rather than going straight to her friend and confronting her so I don't think she's remotely entitled. You are completely overreacting to the whole thing and making conclusions that are based on nothing and you don't get to impose your views on third wheels on the op in this scenario as your life experiences mean nothing to the OP as she hasn't done any of the things you've accused her of. Wow.

The op and the person minding her own business are supposed to be good friends and they usually do things like that together and even sometimes with the friends partner. If it is a date night then why wouldn't she say so, so that her friend doesn't feel confused and left out? Nobody was asking for a rundown of a datenight either as it's already known plans for a concert but I guess it's easier to try make it seem ludicrous if it's described as a datenight lol 😜

She would be cancelling her date to make it a gathering or are you expecting to become sister wives.

You dont have to ask her you asked us... clearly showing you EXPECTED to go along.

Its really not a hard concept, its not about what your saying to her its about what your saying here behind her back.

And I don't think you know what psycho means, you clearly are just stubborn and embarrased that 8 or of 10 people think your out of line but throwing insults because people dont agree is just doubling down on how unreasonable you look.

because saying 'no sorry I cant go with you I already have plans to go with my partner' IS saying its a date, theres no other way to construe it your just throwing around semantics.

Ooh I see you are the same poster who accused the op of gatecrashing and bring a third wheel. Now she is apparantly harassing someone minding their own business into giving her a complete rundown of a datenight. There is most likely a backstory here I feel where you've been in a situation where someone has gatecrashed some plans or something like that because you're making some assumptions and are coming across as a little angry. I could be wrong of course , but if you do have a story and want to share it as you feel it could be of benefit then consider doing that. It could help and maybe not just the op......

I can’t see how the tickets would be that much. You don’t know anyone who doesn’t like going to gigs? Just tell your friend that you can’t get anyone to go with and is it ok to meet inside or for a drink beforehand. If she’s your friend why do you feel like you can’t ask?

I realise that you don't have to tell anybody anything if you don't want to. I was just intrigued as you do seem to be reading differently into things, but you could well have reasons for that and are seeing something because of your experiences

I think I was reading into it as being mean because I would feel brushed off and excluded in a similar scenario and I do lack confidence . We all apply our own experiences (perspective) to things and that's why you get such differing opinions to things I suppose 😀

Some seriously odd answers here.

Of course she is being a crappy friend.

She knows you have no one to go with and the you are really looking forward to see the band.

The normal behaviour would to invite you to join them.

I mean what sort of ''date night'' are they going to have anyway in a sweaty club watching a rock band?

Hardly like the OP would be intruding on a romantic dinner...The couple are already going to share the space with potentially hundred of gig-goers anyway.

Sometimes the lack of basic logic on these threads is really staggering.

Where did op impose herself on anyone?

This is a forum to ask people their
opinion on a topic and that is exactly what she did.

World view and experiences matter ,my first concert by myself was a horrible experience (man groped me ,I was 20 yrs old)and it took me ten years to go it alone again.You don't know Op's history.There are alot of people telling her to go it alone,she may not be able to .This does not make her an infant .

Why would they have had to cancel their plans instead of just standing next to op. They could slow dance with op there even kiss;she is not asking to join in.Op would be focusing on the music not them ,they could do whatever the hell they wanted.I have had very little conversation at concerts so they wouldn't even need to converse with her.It would be like she was just standing next to them because I am sure they are aware that there will be people standing next to them.Why would they care whether it is Op,Tom, Dick or Harry!

What could they possibly do at a concert that op couldn't be privy to; it's a concert not a bedroom and she wasn't asking to join them after hours for private time.If Op or the person next door to them would upset the mood so much they need a hotel room and to forgo the concert.

This is what is wrong with the world.People are so selfish.If my partner would be upset because I don't want to leave my friend out ,he picked the wrong person and wrong event as a concert is public not private.I'll say it again just incase you didn't read it the first time :THERE IS NO WAY IN HADES ,I'D LEAVE MY FRIEND OUT! If your partner would be that upset that you invited a friend along to a concert which once again is not a private place (a private booth maybe a little different),I feel sorry for you,how controlling.

Again you can’t explain the concept of how I tried to gatecrash. Maybe you’re the stubborn one, embarrassed of how much of a reach you made,

I don’t care if people agree or disagree because I’m just venting into a void and it’s not changing the outcome regardless as I’m not going to ask to join and I never was.

Can we be friends? We sound like the most lovely genuine person,

Op this thread is the very worst of Mumsnet. A good friend would say to join them. A pathetic friend wouldn't and everyone else wanking on about special date nights is guaranteed a bit of a dick head.

I hope you do go to the gig and have a great time.

Fuck me , you really are determined to make it seem like every single thing the op has said is unreasonable , psychotic and things and I now realise that you are attempting to capitalise upon the fact that it's obvious that the op is feeling hurt and left out and you are being goady in an attempt at what ?entertaining yourself? Feeling powerful? Twisting everything and even backing it up with suggesting 8 out of 10 posters are all saying that the op is out of line which is utter rubbish. She isn't out of line and nobody but you had said that she is. Some posters have said they don't think it was mean, but most of them meant that in a reassuring way not in the way that you are implying . Why don't you go find a thread where there is actually some real awful behaviour and then your 'advice' might make some sense. Not that I am taking you particularly serious now as it's obvious you are just posting for entertainment and would be amused and feeling powerful and 'clever' if I started in with stuff about cyber bullying and honestly your posts are just not 'clever'. Just the usual , run of the mill, tolerable to a point internet troll 🤓

Probably because further up the thread you said that you don’t know anyone willing to pay ‘ that much’ to see them implies that tickets were expensive? £22 is not really that much money.

Fucking hell, this is one of those threads isn't it. Sorry OP, you don't deserve the vitriol.

FWIW, a friend asked me last week if they can tag along with DP and I to a gig next year because he doesn't want to go alone. We said yes. No brainer for me.

Feel free to pm me the band and city, if it's one I like and within a reasonable distance, I could come tag along with you.

Twisting everything and even backing it up with suggesting 8 out of 10 posters are all saying that the op is out of line which is utter rubbish.

I think they were basing that on the AIBU vote which clearly shows just only 80% of people here think the OP is BU. I think both of you are way too invested in this really quite minor thread. Can’t believe everyone is so wound up over OP asking if her friend was being mean.