To think this is absolutely pathetic?

[VertAmon]

Genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable thinking this.

My family are big on family holidays, we go away often as a large group and also more immediate family too.

DD was born during COVID so hasn’t had a holiday yet at all, as I’ve been cautious about starting to travel again even after things opened up.

There is a resort in Spain that my mum and dad took me and my siblings to most years, we also went as a wider family (so grandparents, cousins etc.) and it’s recently been reopened after a long closure for a 4-5 year refit.

I met up with mum yesterday and mentioned I was interested in maybe going next summer with DH and DD and would her and her husband, his kids and grandkids etc. be interested in joining us, flights are cheap and the resort is reasonable too. Immediately her face lit up and said they’d love to, it will be nice to start new traditions at the same place with DD.

4 hours later I got a call from mum who said she had been thinking about it and would prefer to go somewhere else as she wants to go to another country next year. This was odd so I pushed and it turns out her husband is refusing to go, as he ‘doesn’t want to go anywhere that mum and my dad used to go together’

this isn’t the first time he has been weird like this about something similar, but AIBU in thinking this is absolutely pathetic, and even a little bit controlling?

I'd tell them you're going there and it's up to them if they want to join you or not. Why should you change your plans because her new partner is insecure 🙄🙄

Are they tied at the hip? Your mum is surely allowed to travel with her family without him?

It's a bit silly I suppose, but I can sort of see his point. It is a little weird to accompany your partner on a trip down memory lane, when those memories are of an ex-partner.

I don't think he should stop your Mum going with you though.

I think if I was a second spouse, I wouldn't want to go on holiday to somewhere that my spouse and family used to go to regularly with my predecessor.

Go to a different place. Presumably the reason you want to go back there specifically is nostalgia-related, and I can see why that might be potentially difficult for your mum's new husband. You might all manage to enjoy the nostalgia without explicitly referring to it, but you might not, and he doesn't know which way it will go.
Find a new resort to set up new family traditions, either in a different part of Spain or elsewhere.

I get his point, and I wouldn't like it either.

I wouldn't want to carry on a tradition that my partner and his ex started, I would want to make my own.

Absolutely get where he is coming from!

Your mum probably focused too much on that being a place with memories instead of saying to him that you want to go to a child friendly place, conveniently located with good facilities etc.

I get his point-I wouldn’t want to start going to a resort everyone had been on before I was on the scene!

No reason why your mum can’t go but if you’re expecting her husband to go to a previous family haunt I can see why he doesn’t want to. Surely you can see his point of view even if you don’t like it? I wouldn’t like being reminded you are there because it was a getaway and it’s for nostalgic reasons, from a time you weren’t there.

Totally get where he's coming from. I'd hate that. Pretty insensitive to suggest it really.

I totally get where he's coming from. Would you want to go somewhere with your spouse knowing they were having nice nostalgic memories of their time there with their ex?

And maybe your mum wants to move on from there too now she's thought about it

I get his point. I wouldn’t be keen on going somewhere where my wife and her family used to go to - I suppose I might still do it, if I was feeling magnanimous,. but I wouldn’t like it necessarily.

When my OH and I first started dating in our mid-40s we did agree that all our 'firsts' when it came to weekends away and foreign holidays etc were places we hadn't been before. It wasn't an insecurity or a control thing but just that we wanted to make our own memories that weren't influenced or distracted from by anything or anyone else. 6 years on, we still try and find new places to go because that's what we like, new experiences, but we're not averse to going to places that one of us has been to in an earlier life/relationship anymore.
It's OK everyone saying why can't mum go on her own with you but a lot of people can't afford more than one holiday a year and if she wants to spend her precious time, annual leave and money on going away with her DH, then that's her choice and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it.

It sounds like you don't like the guy tbh

Definitely not controlling as he has a fair point. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine your DH had been married before and all his family wanted a big get together that held memories for your Dh and his ex. How would you feel?

I see his point, it's annoying, but there are lots of other great places to go in the world, and it sounds like you enjoy holidays in a big group.

Go smacked at some of the responses here! He’s being absolutely pathetic and needs to get over himself.
Any chance your mum would go without him?

I think it’s fair enough, it’s not the only resort in the world, find somewhere else if you want to all go together

It's a bit weird to go to the place where mum and dad holidayed with her new husband. I can see his point

Oh we are going anyway, this was just extending an offer as she has been asking when we’d be traveling with DD so she could start thinking about bigger family trips.

Would you genuinely be ok going on holiday to the same place your partner went with their ex year after year and know they are reminiscing about what an amazing time they had there with them?

You’d think so! But apparently not, as it would be unfair for her to go away with us and not make it a wider family trip - all the eye rolls

If this is they guys only holiday then he should get a say in where it is.