To think this is absolutely pathetic?

[VertAmon]

Genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable thinking this.

My family are big on family holidays, we go away often as a large group and also more immediate family too.

DD was born during COVID so hasn’t had a holiday yet at all, as I’ve been cautious about starting to travel again even after things opened up.

There is a resort in Spain that my mum and dad took me and my siblings to most years, we also went as a wider family (so grandparents, cousins etc.) and it’s recently been reopened after a long closure for a 4-5 year refit.

I met up with mum yesterday and mentioned I was interested in maybe going next summer with DH and DD and would her and her husband, his kids and grandkids etc. be interested in joining us, flights are cheap and the resort is reasonable too. Immediately her face lit up and said they’d love to, it will be nice to start new traditions at the same place with DD.

4 hours later I got a call from mum who said she had been thinking about it and would prefer to go somewhere else as she wants to go to another country next year. This was odd so I pushed and it turns out her husband is refusing to go, as he ‘doesn’t want to go anywhere that mum and my dad used to go together’

this isn’t the first time he has been weird like this about something similar, but AIBU in thinking this is absolutely pathetic, and even a little bit controlling?

Nah... my fathers new wife will NEVER be my step mother.... and she's been around along time.
I don't think you can force step parents on to 'adult children'... thankfully the term is merely a courtesy title and not a legal term!

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest - I’d actually be touched that I’d get to experience this with the family, that I’d be included as part of the family without even thinking. Your mum is even seeing it as a way to start a new tradition for the new members of the family, which would include her husband.

But I get why some people might not like the idea if it makes them uncomfortable.

Yep. Whatever your feelings about him OP, I'm getting controlling, needy, somewhat pathetic vibes too. I'd really need a life partner to have a bit more emotional resilience than this.

Not controlling but a bit pathetic. If I had a partner who "didn't want to go where you took your previous partner", I'd think they were a bit childish.

Me neither. I want to make new memories. My DH and his ex worked in tourism and went all over the world. I dont want to revisit his past, we go places that are new for us. My ex is foreign and my DH wouldn't like to go on holiday to the country my ex is from. This isn't controlling OP, it's just the past and future being separate.

Not it isn't. He is allowed to say he doesn't want to go there. It's up to the mother where she wants to go.

Why are people not allowed to have some say in their own lives? If he doesn't want to go, he is allowed to day no and doesn't have to justify. If the mother decides to go away wothbher husband, that isn't control, it is loyalty. The OP is a grown woman, she doesn't need mummy with her and the SFIn L is entitled to say where he goes on holiday, its his life.

I would either go as your family or just go with sister or brother and their family and mum and dad can have a separate holiday.

Well it is as he’s made it clear that the mother shouldn’t go with her DD without him, so it’s not up to her unless she is willing to put up with the inevitable sulk or strop if she goes.

She doesn’t feel she can’t come, he has apparently made it clear she shouldn’t come as it’s not fair for her to have a family holiday with DD and not him

Stick up for this kind of crap if you want. God knows why anyone would though.

Sorry to disappoint but if they’re married he is legally your stepfather whether you like it or not.

I’m with you OP, it’s pathetic. So what even if it did remind her of her ex? Why is that so terrifying? Should she move too in case the area she lives in ever reminds her of him? Stop seeing her kids in case they remind her? Never celebrate things like Christmas again?!! It’s just silly, she’s with him now. And I say this as someone who has gone to a holiday spot where a partner had been with an ex. Couldn’t care less, it’s just a place.

I'm surprised at many of these replies - I think her partner is being a big baby to block any holidays to a place she has happy memories of. Avoiding the place won't make the memories and past history disappear, so he might as well lean in and become part of its story as well rather than effectively taking it away from his partner.

To be fair, I don't blame your mum's partner. I an see why it might feel a bit off for him. On the other hand, she isn't stopping you going if you want to, is.she?

Sorry to disappoint but if they’re married he is legally your stepfather whether you like it or not

There is no legal status attached to being a step parent. None whatsoever.

Did you really have to go to the effort to write such a wanky and unhelpful post? Wow. <slow hand clap>

No not all all pathetic. If I were in your stepfather's shoes I would feel exactly the same.

Just fuck away off with that shite. No way is the vile alkie that married my mum my stepfather. He’s my mum’s horrid husband and that is all.

@MzHz read the thread. It was in response to OP who responded to my other comment.

This with bells on.

Why don't you invite your dad instead?

I’m with your DSF I wouldn’t want to go to holiday either.

I think it’s nice that you want to relive your childhood with your DC and DH.

😳

YABVU

Do they also have to shop at a different supermarket to the one she went to with your Dad?