To think this is absolutely pathetic?

[VertAmon]

Genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable thinking this.

My family are big on family holidays, we go away often as a large group and also more immediate family too.

DD was born during COVID so hasn’t had a holiday yet at all, as I’ve been cautious about starting to travel again even after things opened up.

There is a resort in Spain that my mum and dad took me and my siblings to most years, we also went as a wider family (so grandparents, cousins etc.) and it’s recently been reopened after a long closure for a 4-5 year refit.

I met up with mum yesterday and mentioned I was interested in maybe going next summer with DH and DD and would her and her husband, his kids and grandkids etc. be interested in joining us, flights are cheap and the resort is reasonable too. Immediately her face lit up and said they’d love to, it will be nice to start new traditions at the same place with DD.

4 hours later I got a call from mum who said she had been thinking about it and would prefer to go somewhere else as she wants to go to another country next year. This was odd so I pushed and it turns out her husband is refusing to go, as he ‘doesn’t want to go anywhere that mum and my dad used to go together’

this isn’t the first time he has been weird like this about something similar, but AIBU in thinking this is absolutely pathetic, and even a little bit controlling?

I see his point. I'd rather making new family memories together than relive your old ones. People are often unaware how frequently they say.. remember when we, or laugh at an old private joke. IT doesn't make a great trip for the new partner ( speaking from my experience here).

I'd feel the same as your mum's new partner, tbh.

You go with your dh and your baby.

No I totally get the "he isn't my step father" comment.
My dad's wife isn't my step mum. They met when I was an adult, I think about 28, she's played no part in raising me therefore I don't see her as a motherly figure in my life. I love her, she's my friend, we'll often meet up without my dad for lunch dates etc, but she's a friend rather than a step mum.
My dad's ex wife who he was with from me being 3-23 is my step mum, even though I have no contact with her, I still see her as my step mum as she helped to raise me.

Absolutely you are unreasonable

You clearly have some hate for this poor dude who is well within his rights to want to. Make his own memories with his wife. I have a feeling if he agreed to it you would find fault with this too.

I completely understand why going on a holiday full of nostalgia and memories would be difficult for any new partner. He is not being unreasonable, you may well be being unreasonable, in not empathising with his position in this

Put your self in your mum’s husband’s position. Would you want to go somewhere where your husband used to take an ex-girlfriend or ex wife and had lots of memories there.

It is not being controlling in any way shape or form.

As someone who was widowed an remarried I am conscious of not making my husband feel
like I am reliving memories of a past life. It is for us to make new memories in places we, as a couple decide, to go.

Ok...i have some questions about your mom and stepdads relationship. Does he refuse to eat her cooking because your dad probably enjoyed it? Does he refuse to travel in the same car as your mom because her and your dad probably had fun driving places together? Is your mom not allowed to celebrate holidays because theres happy memories regarding holidays? Does he refuse to sleep in the same bed as your parents were happy sleeping together? Does he refuse to have sex with your mom because her and your dad had fun having sex? This whole situation is just ridiculous. The resort is a FAMILY favorite. Not just your mom, not just your dad. The whole family. Your stepdad is a childish, jealous, bitter man. Honestly, your mom not going because she is concerned about the backlash from him isnt good. Its not ok hes trying to control her memories and how shes allowed to see her family. This whole situation may just be the tip of the iceberg. Please, keep an eye on your mom.

ffs 😂

@shoopkitten7382 is he allowed to make his own memories or just play homage to the ex? Oh and who in their right mind wants to sleep in the same bed as the ex? I think buying a new mattress is at least a minimum one can expect surely? I bet you're single if you expect anyone else to have to do things all your way or no way

I don’t get the problem. You take your dd to your childhood happy place and you do a separate holiday with family? Obviously depending on finances.

This is why we don’t do family holidays. Someone always has to comprise.

@Tessabelle74 he is free to make his own memories at the resort. There are memories that arent going to disappear if stepdad refuses to visit locations.He has no right to throw a tantrum about the family visiting a FAMILY vacation spot. Its not like theyre booking him in the hotel room where mom and ex had their honeymoon. Id be glad my partner had happy times with their ex, and I'm not so insecure that my relationship would hinge on a vacation resort the family loves. Its childish and immature. And again, the mother being afraid to go because of how he will react is absolutely concerning.

@shoopkitten you seem to be missing the bit where the OP admitted she disliked the step dad, it's definitely a case of booking it to spite him and he's not having it, good for him