To think this is absolutely pathetic?

[VertAmon]

Genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable thinking this.

My family are big on family holidays, we go away often as a large group and also more immediate family too.

DD was born during COVID so hasn’t had a holiday yet at all, as I’ve been cautious about starting to travel again even after things opened up.

There is a resort in Spain that my mum and dad took me and my siblings to most years, we also went as a wider family (so grandparents, cousins etc.) and it’s recently been reopened after a long closure for a 4-5 year refit.

I met up with mum yesterday and mentioned I was interested in maybe going next summer with DH and DD and would her and her husband, his kids and grandkids etc. be interested in joining us, flights are cheap and the resort is reasonable too. Immediately her face lit up and said they’d love to, it will be nice to start new traditions at the same place with DD.

4 hours later I got a call from mum who said she had been thinking about it and would prefer to go somewhere else as she wants to go to another country next year. This was odd so I pushed and it turns out her husband is refusing to go, as he ‘doesn’t want to go anywhere that mum and my dad used to go together’

this isn’t the first time he has been weird like this about something similar, but AIBU in thinking this is absolutely pathetic, and even a little bit controlling?

She isn’t reminiscing about the fabulous time with her ex husband though, is she? She’s reminiscing about her kids. It was years ago, the resort has even been refurbished since then.
And no this genuinely wouldn’t bother me because I’m not an insecure weirdo.

Ah she'll be thinking ah yes I remember when I had a shag with ex here, or had a nice romantic evening drinking wine over there on the veranda, oh look how it's changed, I remember the kids and ex did this that and the other here.

I don’t expect him to go anywhere, was merely offering them to come with.

He is a prat in other ways so I’m not fussed if he goes or not, it just upsets me that mum is now not coming (as it’s unfair she gets to go on a family trip apparently) to not ‘rock the boat’

You clearly hate the guy and just want to bitch about this “insecure weirdo”!

@VertAmon, I would offer to pay for my mum and position it as a bonus freebie holiday for her, and she can still do the family trip with her husband. And you can all enjoy revisiting lovely memories together.

Oh dear. I've been absolutely guilty of stropping if DP suggested somewhere he'd been with an ex. I hope I'd react differently now we have children though.

And now we get to the crux of the matter you don’t like him you don’t want to go on holiday with him and you don’t give a shit about his feelings on the matter.

Dear oh dear there are some right insecure people about.

Youre right OP, its absolutely pathetic.

I never said he was an insecure weirdo

I agree OP, it's pathetic, especially at his age

you clearly don't like him so he probably doesn't want to go anywhere with you

I actually see his point a bit as it was a place of happy memories with your dad/mums ex. It might not bother me but can see how Luther's might not like it. I don't think it's controlling to say you want to go somewhere different for the big family holiday

I personally wouldn't want to take my husband to places that hold nostalgic memories for me and my exdh. The last marriage was awful in the end, I wouldn't want the memories influencing my mood either.

I can understand his view.

I feel really sorry for your mum @VertAmon. It’s a real shame for her.

@VertAmon it sounds like you an issue with the guy tbh. Obviously we don’t know what your relationship with him is like but like I said I wouldn’t be comfortable going somewhere that was a precious family destination where I hadn’t been included. Nothing wrong with that, it might be a bit unreasonable for him to say your mum can’t go but I can understand why your mum has made reheat decision. I think I probably would for my husband, the fact you think her husband is the real issue, you clearly don’t like him. In this situation thought I get where he’s coming from. You clearly don’t want to try and see it from his perspective, you want this specific trip and are annoyed that someone has scuppered it.

Could they afford to go on another holiday, financially and with work if applicable if 2 weeks of prime summer holiday taken up for your reunion at the family favourite spot?

You’re not wrong OP.

My DH’s previous partner died but it doesn’t stop me going with DH and meeting up with her wider family on her anniversary or visiting places that DH and J went to together.

Thankfully, I’m not an insecure control freak.

Could you try persuading your mum to come on her own with you instead? It’s a shame she’s afraid of not toeing the line with her dreadful husband.

I wouldn't like it either.

I suspect that's it.

There are hundreds of resorts you could go to. Seems you’re set on this one, shame you can’t be a bit more flexible so your mum and her family can join you. I’d prefer to go away with my husband, surely you would too, so I can see her point. As you’ve said you don’t like him, but don’t punish your mum for this, can’t you just pick a similar place? I don’t blame him for not wanting to go either.

Do your own thing.
What does it matter if your mum and her DP/his lot come too?
🤷‍♀️

I can imagine your DM's new DH can feel the waves of hate that must emit from you everytime you meet. Your mum must feel it too. I'm not surprised neither of them want to waste their time and money on spending time with someone who is so obviously a control freak herself and has the ability to make the whole thing super awkward.. I'm going to suggest that you're the pathetic one for trying to emotionally blackmail your mum to be 'on your side'. You're a fully grown adult with your own family, break the apron strings, start making your own memories and leave your mum to enjoy her life without feeling torn in two between her 'child' and DH.

Read your updates. You clearly don't like him.

Exactly this.