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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Dh is an incompetent fuckwit?

197 replies

theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 22:38

So here's the scene in the Urban household tonight:

ds asleep in bed. we're trying to get him to settle without nursing at the moment, so dh is going up to settle him, in theory.

ds starts to cry. dh sits on his arse and stares at me gormlessly. i say, "Are you going up?" he says, "But I can't settle him." i say, "Well he's got to learn to settle without milk at some point."

dh goes upstairs. cue 5 minutes of screaming.

i decide i can't take it any more and go up. dh is standing up cuddling ds and saying, "he's wet through." WELL FUCKING CHANGE HIM THEN YOU FUCKING TWAT!!

i take over. get ds into clean nappy sleepsuit etc. by this time he's screamed himself hoarse and so does actually need a drink. won't take cup of water. won't take bottle of water (i know from bitter experience) so i have to nurse him. ds goes back to sleep. i try to leave. he wakes up and cries. repeat 15 times till i get frustrated and "touched out" and shout for dh to bring medised. while dh is crashing about looking for medised, ds falls asleep. dh shouts up stairs "Where's the medised?" i hiss down "Just leave it." dh persists "No, where is it?" i hiss "Just leave it the fuck alone!" "I need to know where it is!" "SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP."

AAAARRRRRGH!!

so i've cooked the dinner, settled the baby, made the bread. settled the baby again. and again. and again.

why oh why oh why is my dh such an enormous knob? it's not just him is it? there are other men like him out there?

OP posts:
stickyj · 28/01/2008 23:31

I just started a different thread about h's, not dh's. You are right, he is wrong and I feel like leaving

VVVQV · 28/01/2008 23:31

You can get slimline dishwashers, and even counter top ones.

I had this problem with dS.

I fixed myself when DS was 10.5 mths because DH was similar "I cant do it - he wont settle without you" blah blah blah.

I camped out in his bedroom - got comfy duvet, pillows etc and stayed in there. If he woke - I was there to pat/shush him to sleep. So he wasnt on his own at all. He was being comforted. I had a cup of water (that he'd use during the day occasionally) in case he was thirsty.

He cried on and off for 3 hours the first night. The next night he stirred once and settled back to sleep really quickly. I neednt have been there.

The next night he was mostly fine.

Maybe worth a try? (I continued to b/feed him until he was 2.4 yrs).

theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:35

oh god VVV i feel so mean doing that. and we've yet to sort out his room (we've just moved)

and when i say No Room in our kitchen i mean No. Room. At. All.

dh'll clarify that when he's on in a mo. he appears to be writing an essay - be warned!

OP posts:
Wotz · 28/01/2008 23:37

Why is he writing an essay, he could be washing up?

Alambil · 28/01/2008 23:37

Oh good we can all grill him

Pan · 28/01/2008 23:37
theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:38

he did do the washing up tonight, actually (but only cause i said i wouldn't make bread if he didn't!)

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:39

ooh dh has some support. good. are you going to do the downtrodden masses thing?

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 28/01/2008 23:39

SO DO WE KNOW WHERE MR URBAN DRYAD IS?

Pan · 28/01/2008 23:39

"he did do the washing up tonight, actually "

attack begins to crumble..

Alambil · 28/01/2008 23:39

Lol it is really true that to get a man to do anything you need to go through his stomach lol

and at Pan!

Pan · 28/01/2008 23:40

I'm fine UD..if a little nervous....I hope he's good..

stickyj · 28/01/2008 23:42

Me Urban, you're a man......should I stop nagging and just sulk in bed or should I carry on nagging quietly, 'cos the kids are in bed and it will really piss mr Sticky off?

MisterUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:44

To chip in, it didn't exactly happen the way it's been portrayed here...

...and if I get screamed at down the stairs to 'get the fucking medised' and I don't know where it is, then do I slowly tiptoe up the stairs, and whisper that I don't know where it is, or is it reasonable to just call back and ask - especially as I'm being given the impression that it's utterly urgent I get it right that second?

And as for everyone on here that's commented that I'm 'incompetent' or that I 'have to learn' something. Well, what do I do when I've got a little one that's just screaming and screaming? Yes, he was wet through, but I thought I'd try to give him a cuddle and calm him down.

But no, he's not settling for me at all at the moment. Nursing settles him. It's the only thing. Otherwise I've got to just let him cry it out, which is upsetting for everyone.

As for the washing up thing - how bloody long ago was that now? I am going out to work every bloody weekday and I don't really get a choice in what I do throughout that day. I'm doing it to keep a roof over our heads and to try to build something for the future.

Yes, motherhood is a full time job too, but today I missed out on seeing our son playing in the soft-gym thing and having a great time - and I feel I've missed out on so much. I'm not there to help out, because I'm at bloody work, yet I feel like I'm getting blamed for not being there, as I'm at bloody work.

And it's not like I can choose to go and do my work in the park, or with a group of other people to chat to or pass the time with, and I can't call up my mother or a friend to say 'hey, can you come and take over my job for a few hours please?', like you can with looking after a kid.

Maybe I'm not the perfect dad and the perfect husband, but I also feel I'm being criticised and ganged up on by you lot because I work hard and get mentally and physically worn out and UD and what feels like the whole of Mumsnet don't really see it as fair that I really can't face doing the washing up after an eleven hour day either working or driving to and from work.

I'm almost always exhausted and can't get Zack to sleep at the moment. And I'm getting crap for this and don't have a support network like Mumsnet behind me that I can get advice and help from.

So, you know, I do get kind of pissed off and upset at the implications I'm doing fuck all, when I've had to push my career beyond what I'm comfortable with in order to earn enough to support three people, and I don't get any chance whatsoever to be the person I want to be anymore.

End of ever-so-very tired and emotional rant.

I'm quite nice really. Sometimes. Or I was, at least.

I do love the daft muppet, you know...

Pan · 28/01/2008 23:45

LF - there are other organs to explore by way of encouragement.

theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:46

Pan - it doesn't change the fact that he is not as helpful around the house as he could be (to say the least) and really, this isn't about housework (this time) it's about ds and his incompetence there.

OP posts:
MisterUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:48

QUOTE:

"When you are at work you get breaks - you have a lovely coffee and read the paper, you wander off to tesco to choose a sandwich at your leisure, you stare into space. What he needs is to swap a day with you and then see if he still has the same opinion."

HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Oh dear. No. Really no... I so very much wish that were true.

Quattrocento · 28/01/2008 23:49

MR URBAN YOU STAND HERE BEFORE THE COURT OF MUMSNET ACCUSED OF FUCKWITTAGE

YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND GUILTY OF FUCKWITTAGE BUT YOU HAVE ENTERED A VERY CONVINCING PLEA OF MITIGATION

YOUR SENTENCE IS A WEEK OF UNPROMPTED WASHING UP

MR URBAN YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE

theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:51

we need Cod to pound her gavel enthusiastically.

OP posts:
Shitemum · 28/01/2008 23:52

Oh thank god at last, a thread that has made me lol, now i am released from MN enchantment marathon and can go to bed.

Urban - are you unmarried to my DP?
Men, they just don't get it do they?

Quattrocento · 28/01/2008 23:53

"I've had to push my career beyond what I'm comfortable with in order to earn enough to support three people, and I don't get any chance whatsoever to be the person I want to be anymore."

OH GOD DO I RELATE TO THAT POST - JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT

Wotz · 28/01/2008 23:53

MisterUrbanDryad, that was very good.

But.......

No - really both of you , get some sleep, you sound like two very tired parents who are normal in every way IMHO

MisterUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:53

Yeah, I'll do a week of washing up if someone else'll do a week of my dayjob. Happy to. I'll even dry up and put it away.

theUrbanDryad · 28/01/2008 23:53

the poncey children thread had me laughing earlier Shitemum.

i'm fairly sure i'm not married to your dp (or if i am then he's really in trouble, but i'm sure i'm not!)

OP posts:
Wotz · 28/01/2008 23:54

pmsl @ Quattrocento

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