Do you insist your kids sit “properly” at the dinner table?

[SirMoose]

Please help with this massive parenting disagreement between me and my husband!

yabu: no excuses, children should always be sat nicely with chair tucked in, legs dangling down and not up on the chair.

yanbu: it doesn’t really matter at home if they slouch or have a leg bent up.

If they are at the table and eating, saying please and thank you, and chatting I would not mind how they were sitting.

It depends how old they are. My 6 year old will sit properly, my 4 year old not so much. I remind them to sit up properly but don't really care when it's just our family at home.

Why would they be slouching or have a leg bent up while having a meal at a table. It’s poor manners, poor posture and teaching them poor habits. I’m not sure what it achieves? Sitting down in a chair isn’t exactly arduous?

Yes, I tell my children to sit properly at the table. Perhaps your dc aren't comfortable though. My dc had Tripp Trapps until they were about ten so they could put their feet on the shelf part.

Definitely depends on age. Little ones up to about 5 are fine at whatever angle. When they are used to sitting nicely at school I'd want them to do the same at home.

Yes, bums on chairs, legs under the table, using their cutlery. They have to sit in a manner where I'd be happy if we were eating out.
It's not a hard task 🤷🏼‍♀️ occasional reminders but otherwise our meal times are general chatter. Mine are 4.5 and 2.5.

8 year old. Just finds it completely possible to sit in a bloody chair. It’s an argument that happens every dinner time now to the point it’s causing everyone anxiety.

Impossible *

A slight slouch or a bent leg wouldn't bother me.

But I do like them sitting still, on their bottom, facing the right way etc.

So, nicely up to a point.

Yes mine do and they have to ask to be excused too. 5 and 2 year old. I'm not sure if it's related but I've never found restaurants to be stressful!

Mine are grown up now but yes, I did expect them to sit properly at the table. It’s part of learning how to behave and as with everything else in parenting, it’s much easier to start as you mean to go on. It wasn’t done harshly but just with clear expectations and guidance, which is what children need. It’s doing them a massive favour in the long run.

I correct their sitting if it's in a dangerous way ie they could slide off their chairs and whack themselves on the table (has happened and still wasn't a deterrent!). Or if the chair could tip. If they're swinging on their chair.

But I no longer have perfect table manners so I don't try to impose them.

I do make distinctions though. So I'll get them sitting properly and tell them this is how we sit when we're in a restaurant or with company. So that when we're out, I can remind them "we're in a restaurant" and they know what that means!

Also, I hate arguments at dinner, I want to enjoy my meal, even if it's cheese on toast.

I'm with you OP. Not a battle I would fight.

We nag a bit about sitting nicely but DS2 (and DS1when he was shorter) is a bit wriggly, and has a tendency to perch on the side of the chair. Sitting up straight isn’t as comfortable for kids with legs dangling as it is for full grown adults

You tell him to sit in a chair and what happens? And have you always required that he sit properly at the table, or is this a new development? Doesn’t he have to sit at school? Presumably he manages it there?

Yes within reason at least, I can't remember ever having to ask them to sit up because they did it without being told.

Dangling legs are bad for kids in pushchairs and on chairs and hard to sit well for anyone. A bent leg might anchor them. Trip trap chair or get them a stool to support their legs?

@SirMoose have a look at the wobble cushions you can get on amazon. Really good for helping children sit still.

Also I voted yabu

She just won’t sit in the chair properly. And I’m not exaggerating by saying this is an ongoing argument EVERY time we sit down to eat. To the point she’s in tears, me and my husband are arguing about it. I don’t want her to have issues with food because it’s become such anxious time. I have issues with food and it’s horrible.

Have you asked her what the problem is?

And, again, has this always been the case and does she manage at school?

Long as he eats his dinner, is polite and enjoys the family time a bit of fidgeting etc wouldn’t bother me. My son has asd/adhd and will never sit still or even really sit for long enough to have a nice family meal. So I do allow movement and our meals are a bit more active than I might like but it’s not a hill I am prepared to die on. Your son will sit still eventually, now he’s an 8 yo child just gently remind and prompt him to try and get on with your meal.

The misdemeanours sound relatively minor...I would absolutely not be having a battlefield over every meal. Expectations are one thing but being harsh/overly angry about it isn’t good.

Any issues with ADHD/other conditions? Some children simply can’t manage to sit completely still.

Have you asked why he can't sit nicely (we used to call it Sitting Smartly, as in, lovely smart sitting on our bottoms with feet forwards, well done) perhaps as pp says it is uncomfortable seats not helping?

Otherwise ignore. If it was bobbing on and off the chair, trying to wander away, then I would have been irritated by that. Repositioning constantly and wriggling is annoying but ignorable. We insisted on sitting and chatting waiting for all to finish then by taught the children by rote to say 'thank you for my supper, please may I leave the table' or similar.

Oh sorry, she.

That's different to slouching though isn't it?

I think your YABU/YANBU doesn't really reflect the problem.