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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a play date in half term

220 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 22/10/2022 11:34

Hi all
we moved into a new house 2 months ago in a new area. Childre have changed schools.

I arranged a play date in half term for my children as they have we missing friends from their old school.

yesterday I came home to find my DD who is 8yrs old had pulled her curtain rail off her wall with 2 brackets completely off hanging on my a 3rd. We have been here only 2 months! Also I had given DD made to measure curtains from our old room that cost £500. So not cheap.

my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

I feel bad for her but I think I agree. She has to learn. We have only been here two months. We have bought new items and we
dont want them reuined.

She is 8 yrs old not 3.

wwyd?

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 22/10/2022 11:37

You are the one who took your children away from their friends and you are the one who paid £500 for curtains. Sort your priorities.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 22/10/2022 11:38

The consequence need to relate to the misdemeanour, surely?

barelyfunctional · 22/10/2022 11:38

I don’t think the price of the curtains is relevant to be honest, they’re what you chose to give her.

Natural consequences work best for children and that definitely isn’t a natural consequence. The natural consequence would be that she doesn’t get nice curtains, and doesn’t get to play unsupervised in her room for a while. Although I’m surprised that an 8 year old managed that, how did she do it?

Threelittlelambs · 22/10/2022 11:38

Actions have consequence but don’t punish her old friends and inconvenience the other parents - that’s rude.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 22/10/2022 11:38

I'd find a consequence that doesn't penalise other children who haven't done anything wrong personally.

JustLyra · 22/10/2022 11:38

No. I don’t think that’s a proportionate response.

MrsMinted · 22/10/2022 11:39

I think it is the wrong punishment personally, it is a huge thing to move house and be cut off from friends - it could cause your dd real anguish to miss out on catching up with friends. And how does that each her to respect property? The two things aren’t associate

I would make it a reduction of privileges, stop pocket money for a week, impose additional chores. Something where the punishment fits the nature of the crime (taking nice things for granted).

JustLyra · 22/10/2022 11:39

And how did an 8 yo manage to pull down a curtain rail? They should have been secure so are you sure the wall isn’t the issue? We have one wall that the curtain rail comes out of very very easily.

Beefilm · 22/10/2022 11:39

Well it depends. Did the curtain rail come out because she was hanging off the curtains? Or did it fall out because it wasnt properly affixed? In our house (old and poor quality walls) curtain rails do occasionally come loose/ fall out.

Also, as a parent who moved her children during primary school, I have witnessed first hand the pain and suffering of missing old friends and not gelling with new classmates. Personally, I think you should try to ease your dd's trauma by allowing this contact if you can.

Celeryfavour · 22/10/2022 11:40

Was she home alone?

Threelittlelambs · 22/10/2022 11:40

I should imagine she’s curled herself up in them - we’ve all done it!

I bet she didn’t realize she would cause the damage.

Maybe she could help with repairing the wall or brackets instead?

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/10/2022 11:40

How long have you been at this new house? 😐

barelyfunctional · 22/10/2022 11:40

Could she be playing up because she’s struggling to adjust to the move? In which case cancelling could just make her behaviour worse. That’s a lot of change for a child to process and I think she needs some empathy from you.

BeanieTeen · 22/10/2022 11:41

WWID?
I would not be cruel to my child. What a nasty and spiteful ‘consequence’ - poor child. Completely out of proportion. More fool you for spending £500 on a set of curtains for a kids room.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/10/2022 11:42

Not sure why your daughter having your old curtains is relevant.

How did she do it is surely relevant tho? What happened?

BatshitBanshee · 22/10/2022 11:43

Your husband and you are very unreasonable.

No that's not an appropriate punishment - why would it be? That's punishing other children also but also telling your DD that you can dangle a playdate with friends who she is missing very much and then rip it away.

Also such a dripfeed. Was she alone at home? Did she pull them down in frustration? Or was she playing?

She doesn't care how much they were. Neither do we.

Goldenbear · 22/10/2022 11:43

I don't do 'punishments' so I can't help with that but how did it even happen - sounds dangerous and id ve more worried that the curtain pole could have injured her badly.

Goldenbear · 22/10/2022 11:43

I don't do 'punishments' so I can't help with that but how did it even happen - sounds dangerous and id ve more worried that the curtain pole could have injured her badly.

40andfit · 22/10/2022 11:43

What has the price got to do with the curtains. The curtains themselves are fine anyway.

Social isolation is not a good punishment.

Shortpoet · 22/10/2022 11:43

Surely the curtains are fine though, regardless of the cost?

My DD did similar. Natural consequence was having to help sweep up the dust. Have to clear the area of toys in the day we fixed it. We also delayed purchase of a toy she wanted while we “saved up” to fix the rail.

I wouldn’t have taken away a play date, especially as they are missing friends.

Firewall · 22/10/2022 11:44

Were the curtains put up securely? When we moved into our new house my son’s curtain pole fell down after a few weeks, they hadn’t been on securely (they seemed fine at first but after a few weeks use it fell off). We’ve put in deeper screws and they’ve been fine since. I believe if the correct screws have been used a child’s weight and tugging shouldn’t be able to pull them down. We gave the curtain pole a good hanging off and they didn’t come down.

Littlewhitecat · 22/10/2022 11:45

I assume the curtains are fine as you've only mentioned the rail so the cost of them is irrelevant. You need to fix the rail back up and discuss her bad behaviour with her. Canceling the playdate is completely disproportionate and not connected to what she has done. Also what PP have said - you are an idiot for putting £500 curtains in a kids room.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/10/2022 11:45

BeanieTeen · 22/10/2022 11:41

WWID?
I would not be cruel to my child. What a nasty and spiteful ‘consequence’ - poor child. Completely out of proportion. More fool you for spending £500 on a set of curtains for a kids room.

Tbf she didn't.

OP says they were made to measure for Ops old room so probably not an 8 yos first choice and possibly not perfectly fitting.

Testina · 22/10/2022 11:46

How much the curtains cost is irrelevant. And they’re not damaged anyway?

What actually happened?

A big tantrum where she yanked the rail down and shat on the curtains in front of you yelling fuck you and expensive curtains?

Or a kid messing about swinging on a curtain not realising the rail wouldn’t take her weight?

The latter would be a learning opportunity about physics in our house, and a family joke for a couple of weeks - and a chance for her to learn about masonry drill bits and raw plugs.

lentilly · 22/10/2022 11:48

You're the one who gave her the expensive curtains. I think a natural consequence would be her not being allowed to play in her room unsupervised for a bit.