To cancel a play date in half term

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
we moved into a new house 2 months ago in a new area. Childre have changed schools.

I arranged a play date in half term for my children as they have we missing friends from their old school.

yesterday I came home to find my DD who is 8yrs old had pulled her curtain rail off her wall with 2 brackets completely off hanging on my a 3rd. We have been here only 2 months! Also I had given DD made to measure curtains from our old room that cost £500. So not cheap.

my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

I feel bad for her but I think I agree. She has to learn. We have only been here two months. We have bought new items and we
dont want them reuined.

She is 8 yrs old not 3.

wwyd?

Hi,
I think it’s mean to wait that amount of time and then put others out that made plans to come over to yours for a play date that punishes all involved. Plus then in future they will not agree if you change plans last min there for friends will be gone altogether

i mean was it out of anger or a accident ? Was the pole even up right to be pulled down so easy ?

either way have you even tried to sit down with your daughter and actually spoken to her I mean properly is she upset ? Being bullied ? Having hard time finding new friends ? She could be upset and is a way to express her feelings.

things happen instead of shouting and punishment to a crazy level try talking and find out what’s bothering her.

hope all works out for you all

Pulled down on purpose or accident?
if accident your DH needs a hard tap on the head.
if on purpose, maybe consider the cause, they likely struggling with emotions due to the move. Now it might be best thing long term but look up emotional coaching and try and consider root cause and helping her deal with it.

punishing more will just cause issues, the move has done enough short term damage, why cause it to elongate

I think the more important question is why did she do it, have you asked?

Punish another way for sure but keep the play date.

I’m not understanding link between curtains and play date. Plus it upsets other children and inconveniences their parents. They won’t accept again.
I’d want to know what exactly gone on. I’d guess it’s Messing around climbing and an accident?

No I think my consequence would be not being allowed to play unsupervised in her room for a month maybe. (It would probably end up being like a week at most)
tbh through she doesn’t really need a punishment! It wasn’t a spiteful or particularly disobedient thing she did

Very odd punishment. Curtain rails can come loose very easily and she could have just been playing and pulled it down accidentally. If she has a history of trashing the place or pulled it down in a rage then serious ongoing consequences are needed but if it’s a simple mistake you’re thinking way over the top. If it was an accident then no punishment is even needed, it just needs explaining to her not to play near the curtains.

Curtain rails fall off the wall all the time, unless you are certain she did it as an act of destruction (did she say I hate these curtains then ripped them down in front of you?) then surely you have to assume it was accidental so which case why should she be punished? I think this is ridiculous.

My mum was furious when the curtain rail came down. At us. But it was due to dry crumbly wall and the raw plugs had worked loose.

you may be angry but the punishment does not fit the crime

Accidentally, or deliberately?

Maybe the curtains from your old room were not suitable for the bedroom of a girl of 8, no after how much they cost. Moving is an upheaval for children as much as for adults but in different ways that they might not be able to express to parents.
It's no big thing. A few days without an iPad or phone or whatever she has or else properly folding clothes out of the dryer or washing dishes/ unloading the dishwasher or some other jobs for a week.

*no matter

The consequence should be immediate. A threat for the future is just a threat. And come half term you will just be Mean parents. We are all guilty of it from time to time and especially coming up to Christmas but it doesn't work.
Also did she do this on purpose because she hates the curtains or something? Or was this accidental?
If its accidental what do you think can be achieved to prevent it happening again? What lesson can be learned.
What was she doing when it happened?
Find a related consequence. Chores to pay to fix it. Perhaps. Or if she was dancing to music in her room and somehow pulled the curtains down then remove herusic for a week etc. Etc. It has to be related to the issue.

The punishment should be immediate not couple of weeks later surely there is another way,without canceling play date

The fact you are asking the question shows you think it is. Not only is this harsh, you know that whatever you do, it should be done immediately and be both linked to the incident and proportionate.

You know the answer.

She needs a consequence but what you propose bears to relation to what she has done.

191 posts and only 1 of them from the OP-I guess this poor child is going to miss the play date and the OP doesn't like advice to the contrary!

It’s annoying and expensive but it doesn’t sound deliberate. The cost is irrelevant as that’s your choice and to deprive her of her friends after a disruptive move is just mean 😢 l always try to make the punishment relate to the incident. Maybe ask her to do a list of things in the house she should be careful of ? She is only 8 ..very young.

She's 8. Lecture her. Send her to bed without dessert. Make her do chores like helping with raking leaves. But don't take her friends away from her.

Maybe she didn’t want second hand curtains?

That is not a suitable punishment as it is far too long after the event.

What would I do?

I would give a consequence that fits what happened.

Taking away a much needed play date isn't the answer.

Was it an accident? Clumsiness? Was the rail definitely solid and secure? I probably wouldn't do anything, if she's pulled on the curtain or accidentally dragged it it's hardly crime of the century. Maybe a telling off and warn her to be more careful and aware of what she's doing.
The £500 isn't relevant.

If she had a tantrum and purposely pulled the curtain and rail down then that would be handled differently.

I might take away things like the tv/tablet/games console for a period of time or not let her play on her room for a period of time. A short sharp shock that they will lose things they enjoy if they don't treat things in the house with respect.

I have had play dates cancelled by parents before because their kids are misbehaving and it's so fucking rude and thoughtless to the other parent/children who were looking forward to it and have set a day aside for the plans.

What was her behaviour like? Was she apologetic and genuine? If so, then I wouldn't ruin her playdate but I would expect her to help repairs.
If she was a brattish "It was an AAAAccident" sullen stropster, then no playdate.

I can’t believe some of the responses we are getting here that called the mother ‘spiteful’ because she’s going to punish a naughty kid for pulling the curtains down. Kids need to learn such behaviour is unacceptable and there are consequences.

You have her your old curtains, not new ones for her room? So you get new ones & she doesn’t? Was it an accident? I’d let her have the play date & ask her to help repair & clear up as a consequence.