To cancel a play date in half term

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
we moved into a new house 2 months ago in a new area. Childre have changed schools.

I arranged a play date in half term for my children as they have we missing friends from their old school.

yesterday I came home to find my DD who is 8yrs old had pulled her curtain rail off her wall with 2 brackets completely off hanging on my a 3rd. We have been here only 2 months! Also I had given DD made to measure curtains from our old room that cost £500. So not cheap.

my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

I feel bad for her but I think I agree. She has to learn. We have only been here two months. We have bought new items and we
dont want them reuined.

She is 8 yrs old not 3.

wwyd?

And did she give a reason for doing what she did? Is she happy at her new school? Has she made friends? Kids don't usually do something like this if it's not in their usual behaviour out of nowhere. There has to be a reason!
I think you and your husband are being really unreasonable! Everyone is suffering here. You moved and your kids are adjusting. You then make plans with other people, so everyone is suffering.

You prioritise curtains over a behaviour issue....

Wrong thing to cancel.. punishes other kids and its not her fault you gave her expensive curtains.
Other downtime is more appropriate

Your OP doesn’t appear to make much sense tbh.
“we gave her the made to measure curtains from our old room” doesn’t marry with “we bought new items and don’t want them ruined” - you didn’t buy HER new things, so the cost is irrelevant.

You mention a curtain “rail” as opposed to a pole. Those rails are a nightmare. My own kids curtains were always falling down. They’re certainly not designed to hold up heavy curtains, which I suspect your “£500 made to measure” ones are. Just closing or opening them can cause those brackets to come out of the wall, if you only use the “recommended” fixings.

You go on to say that “she has to learn”. What do you actually want her learn from this?

IF you know for a fact (and as you’ve not come back to answer anyones questions, we are not in a position to know) that she deliberately tugged them to make them fall down, and IF you have talked to her about WHY she did it, then the most appropriate punishment I can think of, would be to leave them down for a week. But those are huge “IFS”.

As I’ve said, it sounds more likely from what you posted that it was accidental, so your punishment is disproportionate and what she will learn is that her parents have a knee jerk reaction to things that affect THEM, and don’t really care about things that affect her. That it’s ok to inconvenience others. And that her own feelings don’t appear to matter. The other thing she is likely to learn, is that it’s better not to tell you the truth about things. Eg, it’s hard to hide her own curtains falling down, but what if it had been in a different room? Or if it had been something spilled on a carpet? Do you think she’d come and tell you next time? Or try to hide it? She’s 8 and you need to be building a relationship where she can tell you if she messes up, rather than being scared to do so. That doesn’t mean “no” consequences to poor behaviour, but proportionate consequences.

I wouldn’t cancel play date

but I would check how they were secured

an 8yr shouldn’t be able to pull down curtains

they don’t sound like pretty 8yr girl curtains if £500 made to measure old house

new house to me would have meant dd choosing some curtains and bedding to make new room feel like hers - not having your old curtains

assuming as you haven’t come back @RosieLeaLovesTea you reliese we are all right and you and dh wrong

Poor girl. I just hope OP read these replies even if she doesn't want to reply and that the child still got her playdate, and a bit of understanding about how she's feeling.

Agree with the others, the punishment is too hard for the 'crime'. To not let her see her old friends is cruel (not your intention I know, but alas). You need to chill, it's not the worst thing she could have done and it was likely not on purpose anyway.

Also just to add, if you've already told her she can't see her friends and you don't want to go back on your word/backtrack - ask her to 'earn' the playdate back by doing an easy chore.

Plain ridiculous and extremely unreasonable.

1: the curtains were probably too heavy and I bet the brackets or screws were far too flimsy for expensive curtains.

2: why the fuck would you even think that banning a child from meeting up with friends they dearly miss has anything to do with a cconsequence for pulling down curtains? Punishments for pulling down curtains include helping to fix them.back up again,.or sleeping with no curtains for a ffew days.
The consequence has to match the misdemeanour.

3: do you not just think that the child has jusr had an absolutely ginormous upheaval and needs conversation and cuddles rather than anger and punishment!

& I can't believe how quickly some PP jump on the word "punishment" & so love bandying it about. It betrays a nasty mindset - as if they are the cops & children are sinful little criminals who need to be dominated & shown who's boss.

Sadly I think OP is more concerned with obeying her husband's instant judgement & diktat to cancel the playdate than is securing a reasonable, 'teachable moment' outcome for her uprooted daughter.

If you are still reading this OP I apologise if I have that wrong.
But this worried me -
my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

All of this!

one problem is the OP has not told us why the curtains were pulled down. If it was an accident then just a warning to be more careful. The value of the curtains is irrelevant. If however in temper or a prank a suitable punishment but not prolonged. When I was about ten (many years ago) we did a similar thing by trying to make hammocks out of the curtains and they came down. We were sent to bed with a smacked bum (they were the old days!) by mum while dad put the curtains back up. When we came down all was forgiven and life went on.

How is this thread still going? OP is long gone.

Because people love their opinions whether or not the OP will read them
or not 🤫

We do 😂but I reckon OP is still reading, just not responding.

Possibly because she doesn't want to think about what a domineering twat her H is, with his orders & punishments that she feels compelled to go along with.

Not sure why OP bothered to post if she's not going to respond to any messages! Curtains poles in our house fall down all the time. We have rubbish walls. I definitely wouldn't stop my DD from seeing old friends! So yes, you & your DH ABU.

She’s 8. Not 16. Who put up the curtain rail? Need to reassess their DIY skills. An 8 year old shouldn’t be pulling it off the wall, had it been attached correctly.

Have you never had an accident OP? Never dropped your phone, misjudged a parking space? I think you need to learn a little perspective

I would definitely not cancel the playdate. Catching up with hermissed old friends is an important part of supporting her emotional ewellbeing in a new environment etc! My question would be to wonder why she destroyed the curtain rail etc? Attention seeking ...feeling insecure after move, wanting a reaction, suppressed anger at move and getting back at you. I think she needs consequences linked to the actions in terms of tidying her room/pocket money that contributes to mending the rail/chores to make up for the mistake. And she also needs discussions about her feelings, why it happened etc etc

Over 200 posts and we still don't know how the rail came down!

Or if the play date did indeed get cancelled 😆