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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a play date in half term

220 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 22/10/2022 11:34

Hi all
we moved into a new house 2 months ago in a new area. Childre have changed schools.

I arranged a play date in half term for my children as they have we missing friends from their old school.

yesterday I came home to find my DD who is 8yrs old had pulled her curtain rail off her wall with 2 brackets completely off hanging on my a 3rd. We have been here only 2 months! Also I had given DD made to measure curtains from our old room that cost £500. So not cheap.

my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

I feel bad for her but I think I agree. She has to learn. We have only been here two months. We have bought new items and we
dont want them reuined.

She is 8 yrs old not 3.

wwyd?

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 23/10/2022 14:38

CadburyCrunchy · 23/10/2022 14:35

@RosieLeaLovesTea it's nice of you to not even have the courtesy to reply to even one poster who took the time to respond to your question with helpful advice... it really shows your true colours... just dismissive and nasty, I feel sorry for your children as you obviously thought people would agree with your punishment...

She's under no obligation to come back if she doesn't want to Hmm

I'm not surprised she hasn't come back either reading comments like this! There's just no need to be so nasty.

LovelyIssues · 23/10/2022 18:05

£500 curtains for a child's room is ridiculous! Was this done on purpose of accident? I wouldn't cancel the playdate personally

NoClueForAName · 23/10/2022 18:10

Wow. That’s harsh.

The curtains have NOTHING to do with the play date. You chose to take her away from her old friends. You want her to be happy and make new friends surely?

But you’re ok to prevent her doing that because of some expensive curtains that YOU chose to put in her room? My 7yo wouldn’t have a clue about the value of curtains and not would I expect him too.

The curtains isn’t a massive deal. Fix them and move on.

You are being v v v unreasonable.

mussymummy · 23/10/2022 18:10

There is a massive difference between sane parenting and bullying your child.

You are severely overreacting

Kattitude · 23/10/2022 18:17

She's a young child, accidents happen and I'm sure she doesn't even know the difference between ready made and made to measure! Get a grip and let her see her friends, to stop her would be so cruel and petty, just hang the curtains back up.

amispeakingintongues · 23/10/2022 18:26

YABU to have such high expectations from an 8 year old. She hadn’t pulled them off to spite you. Please don’t punish her further for a sequence of your own decisions.

Prettydress · 23/10/2022 18:29

Why did she pull the curtains off the wall? Was it on purpose? Was it an accident?
She's had to cope with a lot of change moving house and being taken away from her friends. If it's a one off, I'd cut her some slack. Give her a hug, ask her how she's getting on and tell her if she feels the urge to pull curtains off the wall again, to come and have a chat with you instead. X

Milesty1 · 23/10/2022 18:34

This punishment bears no relation to what happened and therefore won’t teach her anything except that her parents are nasty pieces of work. If it was her fault, ie she was climbing the curtain pole when she shouldn’t, a suitable punishment would be withholding pocket money or treats until the cost of the repair is paid for (not the actual cost; just a token amount of like £20 so she can learn). Also why inconvenience the other parents who have made a plan with you? I sounds like your husband is just looking for any excuse to cancel tbh.

Hmm1234 · 23/10/2022 18:35

Baffled. So because she tore the curtains
down she’s not allowed play dates after uprooting. Hmmm

Milesty1 · 23/10/2022 18:44

thelobsterquadrille · 23/10/2022 14:38

She's under no obligation to come back if she doesn't want to Hmm

I'm not surprised she hasn't come back either reading comments like this! There's just no need to be so nasty.

Show quote history

When I read ‘there’s no need to be so nasty’ I thought you meant in relation to the child! In my opinion they are being nasty making such a big deal out of what was either a) an accident and the parents fault not securing the pole properly or b) the child doing it on purpose due to the upheaval and probably needs a bit of support right now. Either way, poor kid :(

nanagerry · 23/10/2022 18:46

Moving away from her friends will be quite a traumatic experience for a child and I guess she is rebelling in the only way she knows how. I don't think denying her a sleepover with her friends will improve the situation

Gagaandgag · 23/10/2022 18:56

No

Theydoyaknow · 23/10/2022 19:01

Ridiculous behaviour. Poor child.

Thefsm · 23/10/2022 19:05

Pmsl at the stealth boast curtains.

your kid will remember unfair punishments forever. I still resent certain cruel punishments in my childhood. As a consequence I never let my parents watch my kids alone.

PasstheginImgoingin · 23/10/2022 19:20

I'll echo several other posters. Who put the curtains up? Did they do it properly. Was she home alone? Did she shit in the curtains? Why does the cost of the curtains matter? Did you even ask if she would like the curtains? Did you ask how and why it happened? Is she habitually destructive? Because if she is I can see where she might get it from. She's 8. Not 18. You uprooted her and children don't just 'get used to' new homes, places, schools, other children, teachers, neighbours. Be a Mother, ask her kindly what else might be going on in her life. See through her eyes, walk a mile in her shoes, ask her what curtains she'd like and take her to see her friends because its just nasty not to. Grow up.

cazba26 · 23/10/2022 19:22

All I see here is concern for curtains.

LaDamaDeElche · 23/10/2022 19:28

Why/how did she pull them off? Was it an accident? Being too rough or something or was it deliberate? If it was an accident, no punishment necessary, just a conversation on being more gentle/looking after things. If it was deliberate, then the first thing I'd want to do is find out why, rather than planning punishments. Depending on the outcome of that, I would probably not let her play in her room unsupervised for a while. Cancelling the play date seems un proportionate to the "crime".

BookishKitten · 23/10/2022 19:29

The punishment is disproportionate for the offence. Also she’s only 8.
do you think that maybe instead of curtailing social interactions as punishment you could involve her in chores around the house so she learns the value of things and takes pride in her home and space?

BookishKitten · 23/10/2022 19:31

Also £500 on curtains for a children’s room is asking for this level of anxiety when things happen that are expected of children….

Thefaceofboe · 23/10/2022 19:34

Absolutely not. Parents who punish their children like that are just cruel

Titsflyingsouth · 23/10/2022 19:39

Personally I wouldn't withdraw opportunities for play with friends. Maybe that's just me.

I think consequences like stopping pocket money for a period, loss of screen time, being made to assist with fixing the damage are more appropriate sanctions tbh.

Sillyname63 · 23/10/2022 19:42

Could your expensive curtains be too heavy for the pole you have hung them on sometimes poles ain't fixed very securely to the wall did you fix the poles to the wall yourselves or were they already there?
Also it all depends on why it happened was it temper or just a bit of silly playing.
TBH I think yours and your husband reactions are a bit OTT.

Unseelie · 23/10/2022 19:48

No, OP. That would be terrible parenting.

Also have you thought at all about the fact that it would be cruel to the friend you’re supposed to be seeing? My DC is an only child on half term and hasn’t spoken to another child for a week. Playdates are a lifeline to us. If you cancelled a half term play with my child to be deliberately spiteful to your child, I’d never speak to you again.

Totally agree your DC needs punishment but the only way she’ll learn is dealing with the consequence of her action. Curtain rail is down, now she has no curtain. So she needs to save up pocket money until a new rail is paid for and she needs to spend some time repairing the damage to her room like filling in the hole etc.

And you need to reflect on the readons why your daughter is so furious with you thst she did this. Clearly she wants attention and is angry about the move. Address that don’t just leap to punish her.

Strongly recommend you grow some empathy or the teenage years are going to be very hard for all of you.

Unseelie · 23/10/2022 19:49

Ps if you just bought a new house it’s pretty stingy of you not to have let your children choose their own new curtains in their taste. I see you got new curtains for yourself, eh. You’re making it very clear to your daughter that you don’t care about her feelings.

Sally2791 · 23/10/2022 20:12

Odd response OP