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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a play date in half term

220 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 22/10/2022 11:34

Hi all
we moved into a new house 2 months ago in a new area. Childre have changed schools.

I arranged a play date in half term for my children as they have we missing friends from their old school.

yesterday I came home to find my DD who is 8yrs old had pulled her curtain rail off her wall with 2 brackets completely off hanging on my a 3rd. We have been here only 2 months! Also I had given DD made to measure curtains from our old room that cost £500. So not cheap.

my DH has said to cancel the fun play date arranged in. Half term as a consequence.

I feel bad for her but I think I agree. She has to learn. We have only been here two months. We have bought new items and we
dont want them reuined.

She is 8 yrs old not 3.

wwyd?

OP posts:
Fuckallthetories · 22/10/2022 13:36

Are the curtains ripped?
if not than why the fuck would you cancel her play date?
if they are then yanbu.
I know the rod is off the wall which probably means filler and a new rod but honestly, these things happen. I opened my curtains one day and the just fell off. So it might not be her fault.

qpmz · 22/10/2022 13:37

Your daughter has no perspective how much the curtains cost! She was probably being boisterous when playing rather than deliberately destructive. Chill out.

BatshitBanshee · 22/10/2022 13:41

Not a hope of OP coming back to this thread. No one came along, clapped her on the back and said "go you, this is exactly what a child, who was moved away from her school and friends and everything else familiar, needed. Oh and by the way, do hope you're £500 curtains aren't howling crying on the now broken rail, how traumatic for them. Thoughts and prayers!"

Fixyourself · 22/10/2022 13:41

I would laugh in my husbands face. What a ridiculous punishment! He sounds like a complete arse! I vote LTB!

NancyDrooo · 22/10/2022 13:44

If it was a well established friend it’d be different, but under the circumstances definitely don’t deny her the chance to form new friendships. And like others have said, you’d be disappointing the other child/family, too.

Find another punishment.

Hayliebells · 22/10/2022 13:46

That's a completely inappropriate consequence. And just down right mean. Is your husband often mean?

ReedOfFate · 22/10/2022 13:47

I wonder of I am the OP’s daughter? I pulled a curtain rail off the wall today. I was … opening the curtains! One end came off entirely and the other is still on but the rail was quite heavy and hit me on the elbow.

My DH has put some filler around a new screw plug and will reaffix the pole once it’s all dry tomorrow. He has not considered docking my pocket money or cancelling my play dates, AFAIK

emptythelitterbox · 22/10/2022 13:52

What actually happened?

And I think canceling the play date is over the top mean.
Is your DH often like that?

Testina · 22/10/2022 13:57

ReedOfFate · 22/10/2022 13:47

I wonder of I am the OP’s daughter? I pulled a curtain rail off the wall today. I was … opening the curtains! One end came off entirely and the other is still on but the rail was quite heavy and hit me on the elbow.

My DH has put some filler around a new screw plug and will reaffix the pole once it’s all dry tomorrow. He has not considered docking my pocket money or cancelling my play dates, AFAIK

Your husband is a fool.
You don’t respect property.
How long have you lived there, and how much did your curtains cost? Oh and how long have you lived there?

NotVeryHopefulBeenHereB4 · 22/10/2022 14:00

YABU

Your daughter has had her world turned upside down. Moving away might not seem like a big deal to us adults, but to a child of 8 it's a massive upheaval that she will need help adjusting to. That's the parent's jobs.

Undesirable behaviour in young children is usually caused by feels frustration, anxiety, stress and/or sorrow. Their lashing out is how they show us they need support, love and reassurance. Again, that's up to you and your DH to provide.

Cancelling your dd's play date will only make her more anxious and upset, ergo she will be more frustrated and feel the need to lash out. Its an endless cycle that no good could come from.

Give her a hug, let her know you and dh know it's a big change and you are both there to help her through it. She already feels cut off from her friends, don't make her feel like her parents are cutting her off too.

ChateauMargaux · 22/10/2022 14:07

@ReedOfFate ... reminds me of our last house but one - there had been so many people putting curtain poles in the wall over the years, drilling holes and then filling them to drill new ones - the whole area was like trying to drill into honeycomb - it needed some proper attention to get the curtain poles to actually stay up.

Sunshinebug · 22/10/2022 14:10

I assume she got the curtains as you no longer had a use or wanted new ones!! Not sure cancelling the play date is really going to have the desired effect, just explain you are upset about what has happened but turn a blind eye on this occasion

ittakes2 · 22/10/2022 14:18

I went on loads of parenting courses to improve my parenting. The councils offer free parenting courses. One key theme - punishment must fit the behaviour do the child can see it as relatable and must also be in timely manner. So no sorry that would be a poor choice of punishment. Plus it’s too harsh - cancel a play date that might not happen again due to curtain pulling? You have not said why she pulled them off. Is she angry? Does she hate the colour? And an 8 year old does not understand the meaning of £500 to you.

mavismorpoth · 22/10/2022 14:18

Can we find out why she did that? I think that's important.

It's not normal behaviour if on purpose.

If not on purpose does not warrant punishment.

Have you ascertained the reason this happened?

You sound quite reactionary so I'm assuming not but hoping to be wrong.

ittakes2 · 22/10/2022 14:21

The curtains are also irrelevant unless you say they were damaged in the fall. We are just talking about the rail attachments and maybe they weren’t stuck in securely.

CadburyCrunchy · 22/10/2022 14:21

@RosieLeaLovesTea just admit it you don't want to do the play date anymore and you're just looking for an excuse to cancel it so in your eyes the curtain rail is the perfect excuse...

You've already arranged the date with the other parents which is not easy during half term as they may have rearranged other plans so that their children could see yours. What explanation would you give those parents for cancelling without them thinking you're being cruel? To put it middy they're not going to have a good opinion of you after this are they...

Dishwashersaurous · 22/10/2022 14:22

The most important piece of information is missing.

How did the curtain rail fall down?

She pulled them open in the morning And they accidentally came down. Accident. Your fault for not fixing a rail properly.

She attached ropes to the rail and then used them to purposefully pull it down. Serious conversation about behaviour and actions.

Highlights12 · 22/10/2022 14:32

Was it an accident? My 20+ year old done the same, lent on the curtains that were over hanging on his bed & pulled rail down. Total accident. Unless she'd done it on purpose seems harsh to punish.

balalake · 22/10/2022 14:35

I am in the minority as I agree with the parents.

WilsonMilson · 22/10/2022 14:38

Why did your dd rip the curtains off? Was it on purpose or an accident? Is she remorseful. Is there some backstory to this.

The punishment should really fit the crime, and it doesn’t seem to here, so I don’t know what sort of lessons you are hoping to teach?

Is she sad and missing friends so acting out? Is she stressed about the change? I think the more pressing thing is to find out what is causing the behaviour!!

NotQuiteHere · 22/10/2022 14:38

I hope your daughter is not hurt by the fallen curtain rail. Did you check?

StrangerOnline · 22/10/2022 14:40

Threelittlelambs · 22/10/2022 11:38

Actions have consequence but don’t punish her old friends and inconvenience the other parents - that’s rude.

This ⬆️
she does need teaching but not fair to involve others

also agree with others that value of curtains is completely irrelevant

Oblomov22 · 22/10/2022 14:41

No. Don't punish another child, abc another mum. Give her a mild punishment straight away, today, tell her you're not impressed and .... no phone, early night, no tv, something. Then tomorrow is a new day.

mavismorpoth · 22/10/2022 14:42

balalake · 22/10/2022 14:35

I am in the minority as I agree with the parents.

But you don't know how or why this happened.

mavismorpoth · 22/10/2022 14:44

We do use "punishments" on our child when necessary but as a rule we wouldn't remove enrichment, but we would remove something that she might like but isn't enriching; no movie in bed on the weekend, no tablet time, no sweets.

But an experience with a friend? This seems counter productive to the child's wellbeing and I find it cruel.

If you want the best for your child there are so many things you can remove that aren't things that are important.