To think it’s stupid to have kids with the wrong person?

[Fannyproblemos]

I have a couple of friends and family members who actively chose to have children with men who they knew would not make good long term partners. Each of them would admit to knowing this at the time. It’s not like the men or their relationships have changed dramatically. Now they are either trapped in unhappy situations for the sake of the kids. Or they have tricky custody arrangements, which bring stress and unhappiness. Whilst I sympathise. I cannot understand at all why these attractive and wonderful women chose these men to procreate with. Knowing they were already unhappy, knowing they would in most cases not make great dads, knowing their relationships wouldn’t last. Surely it would’ve been more sensible all round to leave these rot bags and try and meet someone they do love. Even at risk of not being able to have kids? I just think it’s a really selfish move to pop out a kid because you want one, knowing you’re intentionally bringing them into an unhappy situation. We should teach younger women this is not the way to go, it’s save a lot of heartache and divorce fees all round. And these are not cases of ‘sometime it just doesn’t work out’ they all knew in there heart of hearts it was not going to work out. Madness!

Depends what you mean by damage. Girls, and boys growing up in a house where mum does evrything and dad just plays the odd game with you learn that as the norm, they internalise it. The girls grow up to accept it from men, and the boys grow up to become men who expect women to do everything for them.
Thats' before we talk about other forms of damage.

Depends what you mean by damage. Girls, and boys growing up in a house where mum does evrything and dad just plays the odd game with you learn that as the norm, they internalise it. The girls grow up to accept it from men, and the boys grow up to become men who expect women to do everything for them.

This. It becomes a cycle. If the girls have grown up with a bad father they don’t k ow what they should expect from a good father.

In reality it's a rare family where the woman isn't the primary carer and carries the domestic load.
By this logic, unless you are able to bring children up in a home that models absolute equality, and where there is no organisation along traditional gender roles, you will be perpetuating this cycle. So no one should have children if their partner has the 'big job' and no one should have children if they intend to be a SAHM? Very little reinforces traditional gender roles more strongly than those models, particularly when presented to children as the happy family ideal.

@5128gap I think it’s more that people who choose to have a baby because they’d rather parent their way out a rubbish co-parent than “not be a parent at all” are selfish. Nobody is saying that only feminist setups can have children, but we’re talking about choosing to have a baby in a setup where you know you’re going to have to work hard to overcome the impact of the other parent on the child. Whichever way you slice it, that’s putting a woman’s need to have a child over a child’s need to not grow up in that kind of situation. Selfish.

Yeah, fucking women, choosing to do all the parenting work. Selfish cows 🙄

I knew someone who did this. Her biological clock was ticking and having children was simply so important to her, she wasn’t prepared to risk being childless.

Totally agree that it would be really helpful if education covered a lot more than reading and writing.

I really feel for the children of some of the posters on this thread. Having a parent who constantly expresses rigid, judgmental, ill- thought out opinions must have a devastating effect on their emotional and social development.