Not read the whole thread @Fannyproblemos but I think this is a really interesting point you’ve raised. I was that person. Why did I do it? A mixture of reasons and i can’t say one was the ‘main’ reason either.
I was mid thirties and with a man who ticked many boxes but not necessarily the dependable family man box. He said he wanted a family very much. I wanted to believe him and I think he did want that, but I knew that actually he was unlikely to be capable of the long haul. So… why did I carry on? Hope, I think. Genuine hope that he would change and rise to it all. He was decent in lots of ways and I thought that would come through with a baby too. I weighed up that I could be with someone else like this and be 38, 39 etc. There’s no guarantees.
What I will say is that those who are happy with someone in the long run, it’s largely luck - not entirely, but you have to accept that there IS an element of luck. Similarly, some people stay together after a one night stand, for instance, that’s luck. We can only make the choices we think are best in those moments and often, if there’s a time limit for women in their thirties, taking that risk is not a wildly irresponsible thing to do, in my opinion. I knew on some level it may not work out, but at the same time I knew I had put my heart into the relationship and it COULD work out. I hoped it would.
Another point that I think is relevant is that a lot of men who are ‘good on paper’ don’t actually want or feel a need to settle down until they are in their forties. It’s unusual for a women even at 30 to want to be with a man in their forties as they have all the thirties men to date. You do fine then that a 42 year old man will happily breeze through a relationship with a woman in her mid to late thirties with no acknowledgement of biology. It is a sad state of affairs that society does not value stable families in the way it perhaps should, and therefore whilst it is ultimately down to the woman if she goes ahead and rolls the dice with a man she isn’t sure is wholly committed, we have to ask why her choices are so limited, and inevitably, an analysis of male behaviour has to be considered.
Those saying women are not entitled to have kids… no they’re not. There’s also other things in life as posters have pointed out. But let’s not pretend there isn’t often a genuine, instinctive need to have children. There is no shame in weighing up what matters most and what risk you want to take with it.
For what it’s worth, my ex was clear he wanted a family. ‘Desperate to be a dad’ he said. He’s never met dc… that doesn’t answer your question as to why a women may make the wrong choice of father but I think it tells you that many relationships are nuanced abs on balance, whilst I wasn’t 100% sure my ex would step up, I never in a million years would have thought he would entirely abandon a baby he said he wanted. It really isn’t as simple as women picking a man knowing full well they won’t stick around - that happens of course, but it’s rare.