To dump nanny by text

[Newmum0322]

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

In the context of that particular conversation this was absolutely true. A contract is no less legally enforceable for a self employed person than an employee. Fact.
Read the whole thing or go home!

Or just end the conversation earlier..

Good luck OP - hope it goes well

You're very aggressive.

😂

Yes, OP, with some people it is easier to write a letter or text as it gives them the ability to read it/digest it in their own way/time. Face to face certainly has benefits and worth, but I picked up straight away that a text would have been best. I'm sorry it ended that way, but at least now your daughter will be happier. I hope this nanny works well.

Earlier than less than 5 minutes…

Or better yet, maybe I should have just cut her off mid sentence!

Well done on sorting out your problem OP. Tbh it was always going to be awkward however you communicated to her that you didn’t want to employ her anymore. She was never going to like it. Hopefully she’ll be able to rethink her strategies as a nanny if she still wants to work while looking after her own baby and your new Nanny will turn out to be more successful.

Agree completely. I think in some circumstances you have to follow your instinct. A call was the ‘right’ thing to do on paper but did neither of us any favours in reality. I’m going to file it under the heading ‘live and learn’!

Yes if you're feeling it would have been doing you both a favour to text then you could have ended the call sooner

Well done OP! She knew what she was doing, and she thought you were a pushover who would take it.

Please follow up the call in writing.

Agree. Feel a little silly I went in so blind.

But it’s a learning curve. Drafting an email now 👍🏻

I think you should be pleased you extricated yourself out of a bad situation after just 2 weeks!

Glad you spoke. Sorry didn’t go well but not surprised

obv no one wants to feel they have failed in a job and her first one back as a mum

twins are so different to a nwoc looking after a similar aged child

twins learn from early age thst they have to share /wait sometime. If hungry and other is sick or poo,s etc

they are on same sleep and feeding routine and obv parents on same track

where a nanny with child may have slightly diff views on stuff

yes as a mum the nanny will always if push comes to shove choose her own child

if both on climbing frame and fall the nanny will obv catch own child

your rookie error @Newmum0322 was using someone who earned the same as a nanny with no kids with her

glad you have another nanny

how did it end. Is nanny covering the 3w or you paying her off

That wasn’t the context at all.

Be a human being and call her or wait to speak to her face to face

Absolutely appalling to fire someone by text message

If you can’t look after your infant and work, why did you think she could?

@Chilesstanton NWOC nannies (nanny with own child) are a thing. Cheaper than a normal nanny too.

I know someone who had one and was happy. In her case she had an only child aged 1.5/2 and.the NWOC brought her same age child, so instant playmate.

But it didn’t work for me and I would never have an NWOC again.

a professional. A practising chartered accountant. And yet gets themselves twisted in a pretzel about addressing a nanny that they had already decided was a goner by the end of day 2. And the father seems to have excused himself from the entire scenario.

That is what I find a tad baffling!

I can see you dealt with it already but I didn't think ywbu.

Like has been said, text is shitty in theory but I'm one of those people that prefers written to verbal for being able to read and digest the information in my own time. Though tone can be misinterpreted.

I'd go email rather than text in future.
Especially since you had already spoken to her once.

All these posts saying call, yet in most situations, 'if it's not in writing it never happened' is something I think of frequently.

You’ve got to suck it up and phone her to end the contract.
make yourself some notes.
start by asking her how she thinks it’s going , any challenges ect. Then take over the conversation.
Texting is downright pure disrespect and cowardly. It hadn’t worked out and you need to end it.

Make sure you have a decent trial period with no notice for the next one OP. You said you are going into employment contract straight away...

I know you actual question is how to terminate this arrangement. I would think this is trial period still with hours working around the nanny so I would consider whether notice should be due. I would possibly pay notice or some of it as a goodwill. The point to think about is will she actually help you in the next 3 weeks if she stays on? If it's not working now, are you actually getting much benefit from her being there?

If you desperately need her for the next three weeks, then I would wait for her to be there and have a discussion face to face. More to talk through the issues, ask her what she would suggest and reminder her that while you are meant to be working you cannot. The difference in pay would be one day right? She should show some interest in fixing the problem if she wants to have this employment.

I personally don't have any issues with you texting her provided it's an explanatory one. You can show her respect either way by voice or written word provided you give some constructive explanation. Which it is...

To those with extremely critical comments, please remember how hard it is to find a good nanny and how much harder it actually has become. Never had one with own child myself but have been desperate and tempted a couple of times.

Also OP I would say that many nannies start to rely on the parent when said parent is working at home. I know you need to be there to also make sure the nanny is working out but I think if you haven't done so, do say up front that you are there to be working and the childcare falls entirely on the nanny. Maybe even repeat this regularly.

Finally I would suggest trying nurseries for the amount of days a week you need. I found that relying on a childcare setting like that has saved my sanity recently. There are amazing nannies out there but the process of eliminating those that did not work for me got too stressful for me and my children. Nursery turned out to be amazing and we strayed very early on.

Good luck!

As a qualified Nanny she should be more than capable of taking care of 2 young children.
I am I full time Nanny and when my DS is born he will be coming to work with me from 6 months. If you manage your time and caregiving you can provide care to both children.
Having said that this Nanny doesn’t seem to be coping and I agree with why she is being let go!
But lots of Nannies do take their own children with them and I’m so grateful that I can x

Sounds like if you text her she’d have rung you anyway so it wouldn’t have helped.

It’s not unfair dismissal before 24 months, provided the reason for dismissing isn’t discrimination for a protected characteristic.