To dump nanny by text

[Newmum0322]

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

I'd phone her because a text is too blunt.

I'd not be happy with the situation though.

A 6 month old and 9 month old would be hard work. She only gave birth 6 months ago too. I imagine she's finding it more difficult than she imagined. Perhaps her baby doesn't sleep well at night so she's tired - like a lot of mums. I appreciate you're in the same position too having had your baby 9 months ago.

The dynamic isn't working so you're right to find someone else, but by phone is gentler than a text.

It’s not working. Pay her as much notice as you can. Give her the info in a text so she can digest it. Tell her you’ll call her later today. Have a short spiel prepared.

While I agree it wasn't the best idea, nursery workers have a ratio of 1:2 for babies this age and it works fine. Similiar with twins.

I would go with email, you can text pointing her to the email if you want. Generally you're expected to give notice in writing anyway, even if it's polite to tell the person first.
Fwiw our nanny quit by text after two weeks for the same reasons. It's not uncommon, but I still think it can work with the right person.

But the op didn't employ her for a nursery setting. She employed her to be sole charge of her child. What did she think was going to happen. If there are 2 children who needs to be fed, instinctively which one would you feed? Your own off course, regardless of this being the Nanny's job. It would be stupid to think otherwise and I can't believe op entered into such an arrangement. She didn't employ her to look after twins, nursery setting or anything else.

You're paying her to look after her own child. Just call her and be done with it

Call. If you think you'll get tongue tied then write out a script. Or get your husband to do it.

As I said, I agree it wasn't the best idea. I just meant that I could understand why a naive first time mum might have thought it would work fine.

Yanbu. Unfortunately I think it's human nature to prioritise your own child so I'd avoid one with their own kid in future

Oh course you can't sack her by text and then expect her to work her notice for you!

Call her and have a grown up conversation with your employee.

Is this actually a self-employed role by the way, or are you setting the working days and hours? Can she cancel or change her days or send a replacement to cover her?

Never share care with children or babies
Never

‘Dump’ charming 🙄

Next time do a trial.

The best thing to do would be to send her shot across the bows text asking her to call you at a convenient time.
Dear X, you have been working for us for 2 weeks now, I have some concerns about how this is going. Could we please discuss at your earliest convenience. I am free to chat on the telephone today between (2-5) . Please let me know what time you are available? Thanks, OP

Call her and then follow up with an email setting out all your points in writing. Text messages aren't very professional.

I’d send an email, so it’s more like a letter and then send a text saying you’ve sent an mail so it doesn’t get missed. I’d probably go with paying her the notice so she doesn’t come back as that’s super awkward.
to the poster saying you can’t let her go after 2 weeks of course you can!!

Bloody hell op - why on earth did you think this would work??

as for how to approach, ring “I think we both can agree that unfortunately not working out having the two babies together. Thanks so much for last two weeks but I’m going to call a day on this”

Calling is better

why is she se

nannies who are on fixed days and hours are employed

sounds like a tax avoidance plus pension and employers ni by yourself

who decided she would be se

if she is se she will have her terms that you signed

what is the notice period

a nwoc can work well for similar ages but equally better when toddlers. Not 6/9mth babies

Do not offer to provide a reference

Good Lord, if you're using a nanny's services then you should think about situations like these and how you will handle them! This needs to be done face to face. one more day is neither here more there. Would you like your job to be terminated by text/email.

You're sacking her because something you agreed with isn't working, and you're expecting her to work her notice? Wow.

I completely agree that it was never going to work because her mother's instinct would take over and her child would be prioritised over yours.
I think doing it by text is very informal, you should email if you must do it this way but obviously face to face is more appropriate.
She may try and talk you round and say she will change so stick to your guns.

I have a friend who is a child minder assistant and she has just gone back to work with her own baby of 10 weeks. I don't understand how that will work as the baby won't be put down and she would naturally sort her child out before any of the others, she's also a bit precious about people coming near him and it's a small setting so I'm interested to see how her situation pans out- my prediction is it would be similar to yours.

If she's had 15 years experience then she's not naive, she has played you for a fool, OP.

Find your anger and call her and calmly and professionally explain to her it's not working. and you have to let her go.

And follow it up with an email or text straight after so she can't claim

Nanny with own child can be ok. We have done it twice . Cheaper but with pitfalls. Can be made to work though.
Our first nanny had been a childminder and treated our son with as much love and care as her daughter 2 years older. They played well together. She did take my son to her daughter’s weekly school assemblies rather than activities just for him but I thought this was probably quite exciting for a toddler.

Second nanny was superwoman. She came back for a while when her baby was 6 months old but eventually found it to difficult to get him up and to our house for 7:30 am.

i don’t think this nanny arrangement was ever going to work. Nanny’s own child was too young.

Inconsiderate and unacceptable. Pay her the courtesy and talk to her properly.