To dump nanny by text

[Newmum0322]

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

@Newmum0322 - @Sunshinebug is hinting@MNH to upgrade their site to be able to mark a thread as resolved - you haven't missed anything or done anything wrong 😊

Hope things have been OK since that awkward phone call! FWIW, I think you did the right thing. If you'd texted, you'd be forever quoted as that "awful employer who texted me to fire me!" - I think you were damned if you did, and damned if you didn't! At least by phoning you know you did the decent thing and you gave her the opportunity to put her point across - which she obviously failed with. I think you should hold your head up high.

Good luck with Nanny V2 - she sounds ace.

Apologies if others have already said this. If she's had "15 years of experience" including with babies, first time mum herself or not her behaviour doesn't make sense. Who needs help to make bottles for their own 6 month old? What references did you have for this first nanny and is it possible they weren't legitimate?

Good luck with the new arrangements.

Wow, I was sympathetic to you at first but as I read more and more of your replies I feel the nanny had a lucky escape.

BTW I am also a practicing Chartered Accountant and your lack of knowledge around employment vs self employment seems woefully lacking. Unfortunately for you the government just u-turned on abolishing IR35 so I’d brush up quickly.

I hadn't read this thread until it appeared on my Facebook newsfeed this morning

Late to the party, but agree an email (with an invitation to speak f2f, on the phone) gives people time to process and think about a response - nobody likes being caught on the back foot and understandably will not usually respond with “oh yes, of course you’re absolutely right, I wholeheartedly agree with you”

Good luck with nanny 2!

I thought this was illegal?

Only ever hire people if you’re willing to communicate properly and have the difficult conversations.

It will depend on the exact working arrangements but it could easily fall foul of IR35. The OP is a chartered accountant though so it’s ok 😉

It's glaringly obvious to any mother that a ''Nanny'' can't nanny when looking after her own child first.
Of course she will only care for her own child's needs ahead of your child.

Even if was I employing a dog walker for a young puppy, I'd categorically not employ one who has a puppy, as they need so much individual attention, I'd know that mine would take second place.

When you said the 'Nanny' wants to bring her own child along, I was imagining a school~ aged child in the holidays, who can entertain themselves..and even then, that's a huge ask, as it will take the 'care' and attention away from your baby.

Children's early years are so crucial, you definitely need a 'Good' Nanny, they do exist without bringing their own baby along.

@Newmum0322
As to original question ''Can I fire her via text?''

No, that is really cowardly.
You need to phone her, or see her face to face.

Either she finds a Nanny for her own baby, or she leaves.

Firing by text is really not on.

I too thought that...Sounded more like a Babysitter than a 'Nanny'.

Very bizarre.

We had a nanny with her own child and it worked brilliantly! Sounds like this one isn’t working out for you. It would be normal to let her know if you don’t think it isn’t working, and give her a chance to change before releasing her. Maybe give her a week to change? Don’t want to just dump her, right?

You have to call her and speak to her in person. Anything else is simply rude.

At least have the decency to ring the woman ffs 🙄

At least have the decency to RTFT!

Oh no! I've been busted by the Mumsnet Police! 😂😂 thank god you were here to point this out.

It's so frustrating to see a new post/update on a thread that is days old and you think it's the OP but it's someone who hadn't read the OP's previous updates and people have to explain it's been sorted. It doesn't take much to click on https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4659902-to-dump-nanny-by-text?postsby=Newmum0322 if you don't want to read the whole thread but just save yourself some time and read only the OP's post and updates, and catch up before posting by clicking on See all underneath the OP's first post:
See next See all. That's why Mumsnet put it there for us, to save time. Just a bit of common courtesy and common sense for fellow posters. Really not that hard.

Personally, I really don’t give a toss!

Well I'm viewing on the app doesnt appear to work like that. Although I may be wrong.

You wont be able to stop ppl porting on a thread once resolved if they arnt the OP. But you do have the option to unwatch the thread if you find this so frustrating. Or do you intend to continue policing the thread and notifying every person who comments that the thread is resolved?

😂

My sisters nanny won my heart by pointing out my niblings best qualities like they were cars I might buy. I think it could have worked, if she was a nanny for twins. It’s a very specific niche, it seems.
And then the nanny went on her own maternity leave and the ones that replaced her were very meh. Child number four arrived at the same time as nanny’s child and a year later she came back and she does it all, child four and her daughter are best friends. She’s priceless.
If you find one like that OP keep her anyway you can.

I've never understood how many nannies in my circle get away with being self employed. Many work for the same families year round just not full time so they just do after school pick up. But they do that all year round. That to me isn't self employment, yet they are allowed to be. I don't understand it.
The biggest issue I had as a nanny is that parents don't want to become employers, which is why I am resorted to doing nursery work which I despise.

Such a shame as many amazing nannies are lost when they have their own kid.

my friend took her baby when she returned to work and had it in a sling while she did crafts and preparing meals etc for the older children and the family had a younger baby than hers

have a chat and explain you need her to focus on your child as you are paying her to look after your children and see if she has opportunity to make alternative childcare arrangements.

I would be pretty annoyed to get fired by text and nannies talk to each other so families get a mark against them.

write it in a letter so you get all your points across. You wouldn’t send a text to a client or a colleague underperforming.

It's not the nannies who are getting away with it - it's the parents who are exploiting them.

Being self-employed lets the nanny pay marginally lower NI contributions than an employee, but she loses out on employer's NI contributions, pension, paid annual leave and a host of other rights. Parents who do this are exploitative. (I don't mean the OP, who has already explained that her nanny was a short-term interim).

What is your issue with them being self-employed?