To dump nanny by text

[Newmum0322]

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

I would give feedback and give her a chance to change. I would have thought the arrangement would work.

We did this with a music teacher when it wasn't working... I outlined clearly the problem and she acknowledged it, but next lesson did exactly what we said was the issue again, so she was dumped.

There is a reason why childminders are only allowed 1 under 1 in normal circumstances......you've just found part of it the other issue as one baby is hers and the youngest not everyones priorities are their paid work. A nanny with a young baby alongside your young baby is not going to work.....in a years time maybe.

Nursery workers have others to call on and if you've ever seen 4 babies lined up in high chairs with one staff member feeding whilst other staff get on with jobs you would see it's mot great.
Twins are an exception but most parents will tell you they wish they could give each more one to one time....and of course they are both related to the carer or in childcare neither related.
Normally nurseries don't let staff work with their own child unless there is no option.

If you have already replaced her then surely you just say you are not renewing the contract.

Did you tell her clearly that you thought it wasn't working and why? ie did she have an opportunity to change stuff? Was she reducing cost due to your child being in shared care rather than sole care?

Why doubt the care. It is very possible to treat the children equally once they are independent in basic feeding etc. If you don't you shouldn't be with children. I guess you don't like childminders?

I work in a nursery so I have seen a baby room 😂

Anyway if you'd bothered to read the full thread properly you would have seen my follow up post explaining that I agree its not a good idea, but I was making the point that I can see why a naive first time mum (no offence meant to the OP) would have thought it was OK.

This.⬆

And just tell her - never mind texting her.

How is it more wakeard to be open than it is to have her working notice (and why is she working notice? Just pay her her notice money and get her out of the house - it's hardly going to be a pleasant atmosphere, is it?)

The contract runs beyond the notice period and I’d like her gone asap.
I’ve given feedback as appropriate with little changes and there is no reduction in cost. I was happy to pay full rate as she is very experienced and I thought it would make the overall experience more positive for DD. I was very wrong!

I'm really pleased you decided to go with the harder but right option of phoning her rather than writing to her. Text or email would have been appalling and for your benefit to avoid conflict so well done for making the better choice. Good luck.

Twin Mom's cope

You need to phone her - a text is massively inappropriate.

As much as you don't want to make yourself uncomfortable OP, that's what you're going to have to do. Face to face or via a phone call is the only way to deal with this.

I'm reading a few posts today where 'problems' could be resolved almost immediately by having a real-life conversation. It really does seem as though a significant proportion of people have lost the ability to do this.

Just to echo what others said, if I could press rewind I would not have DD being looked after in the house while I was working in the house. It's too confusing for the baby. They know you're there so they want YOU. You either need to work away from the house or have childcare out of the house.

Or make a work area for you that is so separate from where your baby will be that there is a physical separation so that to the baby it doesn't feel like you're there.

I haven't rtft so apologies if you've already covered this.

Having assessed in many baby rooms I can tell you I've seen many times when staff have used same spoon busy talking about other things like their personal life.

We were a bit nervous about this, and wondered if that might be why the baby was so unsettled with the first nanny. However… the nanny we have since hired did a trial with her (I’ve learned my lesson) and DD was happy, giggly, smiley all day. Not one cry, not one tantrum! I work on a different level and do not hover/interrupt! So hopefully this works, if not I would rather go back to the office than further disrupt DD childcare routine so I’ll have to cross this bridge if it comes to it.

I'd prefer a text for the reasons you've stated here.

Texting seems cowardly

A nanny with own child can (and does) work just fine, it’s very common. A decent nanny will do their job with the same amount of professionalism. It sounds like you’ve got a bit of a rubbish nanny there op, and I would think a text would be fine. Less awkward for both of you if she has time to process.

You’ve done nothing wrong, don’t let it put you off.

Text and offer to follow up with a call if she wants to discuss.

I'm a twin mum and I think the "Oh she couldn't possibly cope!" stuff is nonsense really. Especially for an experienced nanny who has dealt with multiple children together. I'm not even sure it's my twin experience clouding my judgment - before I had these two I did a childcare swap with a friend and each of us had the other's (literally) 6 month old + their own for three hour blocks while the other worked. It was absolutely fine. And that was me as a new mum and with the other child being, er, on the more challenging side.

She just sounds a bit crap.

Self employed? Really. I very much doubt that is the case.

You might call it that as it saves you paying employer's NI contributions but how much autonomy does she have?

I am absolutely appalled at the way you are discussing another human being - it makes me fear for the future if this is how unfeeling and insensitive people are - I dare say you all pay lipservice to the ‘be kind’ dictum - sham in you all 😡☘️

What on earth has that got to do with anything in this conversation? I was merely saying that I can understand why the OP originally thought it was a good idea. I agreed it wasn't. Why are you raving about spoons

From the situation described she is far more likely to be an employee than self employed.

I would not text to someone that they are sacked. I would call and send an email. Also

We ultimately will still see her and deal with her whilst she’s working her notice

I don’t think a person you have sacked on the spot after only a few weeks owes you any work for their notice period. The notice period is when they wish to resign, not if you’re sacking them. So I don’t think you can legally require her to work after you’ve sacked her.

So… a few things

1. I’ve already said in a previous post that I’m going to call, and going to pay notice in lieu
2. however, ordinarily a notice period is provided to protect both parties. If an employee chooses not to work contracted notice then the contractual obligation to pay that notice is also void.
3. and finally, I can require her to work her notice, as can any employer. It’s the point of a contract. If an employee chooses not to fulfil their contractual obligations to work their notice then they cannot expect pay for that period or a reference!

above not relevant to me as I’ve already said I will pay in lieu, but thought you should know you are completely wrong on all points, just in case you try to repeat it!