Page 4 | To dump nanny by text

Newmum0322 · 2022-10-21T08:51:11+00:00

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing. The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way. We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up. So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/10/2022 10:56

Ring her. I also can't imagine why you thought it would be a good idea to hire a nanny with a 6 month old. That's on you I'm afraid.

MissHavershamReturns · 21/10/2022 10:57

I am a good employer but sometimes you just realise things are NEVER going to work

Obki · 21/10/2022 10:57

Unicorn34 · 21/10/2022 10:54

Personally I would speak to her first - sit down and discuss what you feel isn't working but also try to add in some things that are (if there are any). My daughter took her son to work with her in the same situation and got it working really well, even said that sometimes he didn't want her to hug the other children but that he had to get used to it. It can work for both parties if done properly and with open lines of communication.

No amount of talking is going to convince this woman to put her own baby down and hug OP's baby. And that's understandable to an extent - it's her baby!

But that's not helpful to OP if nanny can't share her time adequately between the two babies based on their immediate needs.

Halloweenpumpkinfyi · 21/10/2022 10:58

Treat her with dignity and sit down with her and explain why it’s not working or at the very least phone her . If that means you paying her in part for not working her notice so be it . This situation is on her and also you I’m afraid . It was a daft idea to think it could work .

Talia99 · 21/10/2022 11:00

If you can afford it, I think the best thing would be to dismiss her and ask her to leave immediately with her notice pay (so if she gets 4 weeks notice, give her 4 weeks pay but don’t require her to work those days.

I don’t think I’d want someone I’d sacked caring for my child. Also, have you thought what you will do if she decides to leave immediately? You can’t force someone to work out their notice and with 15 years experience and a newborn (to provide a reason for time not working) she could just leave 2 weeks working for you off her CV.

Original poster

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 11:00

So a few answers here:

we agreed self employed FTC for first 10 weeks as her availability wasn’t a straight x number of days x hours. We’re working round her. The idea being we’d put her on Payroll in Dec when we’re become more ‘typical’ employers who dictate time and days. New nanny will be employed from her go
absolutely should have done a trial. I would have realised instantly it wouldn’t work. But I’m new to this and you live an learn
i would love to pay her out of her contract but I need childcare for next 3 weeks.! Only alternative is to have her working for those weeks then tell her it’s not working and pay her out then?

thanks for responses so far. I’m aware it was a stupid idea in hindsight. I thought it would be nice for DD to have a ‘friend’ whilst having the added benefit of being in her home with familiar surroundings. But overall it has not been at all successful and I won’t try it again!

OP posts:

DoubleHelix79 · 21/10/2022 11:00

To those suggesting the arrangement was doomed from the start: We have a very similar situation and it works brilliantly. Our DC was about 9 months and our nanny's DC about 6 months when she started. She looks both DC fantastically, and never once have I felt that they've been neglected in any way.

Now that they're a bit older they are lovely together and really enjoy each other's company.

A good nanny should have been able to make it work. Still, a grown up conversation should take place instead of sending a text.

Obki · 21/10/2022 11:01

Just end it today LP.

MzHz · 21/10/2022 11:03

Worthyornot · 21/10/2022 09:55

Well it was never a bright idea to allow her to bring her very small and highly dependent child to work. I can't believe you even thought it was something smart to do. What did you think would happen?She has one pair of hands for a 6m old, what did you think she was going to do with your 9m old. . Is it in her contract that you allowed this arrangement?

You have a point.

if it’s so easy to manage your kid when she has one a few months younger, why wouldn’t you do it while you’re working…

plinkypots · 21/10/2022 11:04

You live and learn. That model was always going to be doomed. Just tell her by text but pay her the notice but don't have her back. You can't leave someone with your baby who you have fired.

Talia99 · 21/10/2022 11:05

I think having her work the 3 weeks then telling her it isn’t working out and having her leave immediately (with full notice pay) is best if you can afford it. It decreases the risk of her leaving immediately and also means you can have the conversation in person.

Original poster

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 11:06

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 21/10/2022 10:54

Act like an adult and either speak to her in person or speak on the phone. Ending a contract by text is shitty and unprofessional, whatever the reason behind it.
Have you actually raised all of the problems with her? I can't believe you let it get to this stage. You hired a nanny, and on the first day you were making your child lunch and feeding her yourself? Why, then, didn't you speak to the nanny and say I need you to do this as part of your role?
You need to set clear expectations of what the job entails.

I did. She’s only worked 4 days in 2 weeks and I’m letting her go because I have been clear in responsibilities and she’s not doing them. I didn’t let anything get to ‘this stage’! I’m taking swift decisive action because I’m unhappy with the situation.

amazingly when I asked her how she thought it was going she said ‘I think it going great’ 🧐🙈

OP posts:

PinkArt · 21/10/2022 11:08

OP how would you feel if you were let go from a job by text? Yes she's self employed but christ she's still a person! I'm self employed and work on fixed term contracts and not one has ever ended by text. If things change and the job ends earlier - this has happened on a couple of occasions that were out of the companies hands - then they did the decent thing and sat us down and explained the situation and what that would mean in terms of our, usually one week, notice period.

Katapolts · 21/10/2022 11:09

If someone was shitty enough to sack you by text, would you really turn up for the next month to provide their childcare???

Original poster

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 11:11

PinkArt · 21/10/2022 11:08

OP how would you feel if you were let go from a job by text? Yes she's self employed but christ she's still a person! I'm self employed and work on fixed term contracts and not one has ever ended by text. If things change and the job ends earlier - this has happened on a couple of occasions that were out of the companies hands - then they did the decent thing and sat us down and explained the situation and what that would mean in terms of our, usually one week, notice period.

I know you’re right! I was kind of hoping because she’d only been with us a few days it might not be quite so ‘shitty’! But you’re not wrong in what you say. Thank you

OP posts:

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/10/2022 11:14

thanks for responses so far. I’m aware it was a stupid idea in hindsight. I thought it would be nice for DD to have a ‘friend’ whilst having the added benefit of being in her home with familiar surroundings. But overall it has not been at all successful and I won’t try it again!

I worked as a part-time nanny for years when studying. I once agreed to a nanny job, looking after 2 unrelated babies, neither of which was mine. I thought it would be fine, as I'd previously looked after baby twins, but it was 200 times harder. I had completely failed to anticipate how much harder it is to look after 2 babies at slightly different developmental stages. And that was without the added complication of being the mother of one of them. So don't beat yourself up, OP - it's hard to anticipate these things until you try them out.

Obki · 21/10/2022 11:14

amazingly when I asked her how she thought it was going she said ‘I think it going great’ 🧐🙈

Well of course it is - for her. She is getting paid to look after her own baby, whilst doing the absolute minimum for your own baby.

As I said, with 15 years experience, she is playing you for a fool.

EdgeOfACoin · 21/10/2022 11:17

Call or face-to-face discussion. You can text her in advance to say that you need to discuss the current arrangements with her.

However, you cannot fire someone over text. If you have a job and are the nanny's employer, then you are grown up enough to do the decent and professional thing and speak to her properly about the situation.

Think about it, would you like your employer to sack you via text message?

Viviennemary · 21/10/2022 11:17

I think that would be mean. She deserves a call. But it was an unwise choice as her baby is very young and still needs a lot of care.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/10/2022 11:18

DoubleHelix79 · 21/10/2022 11:00

To those suggesting the arrangement was doomed from the start: We have a very similar situation and it works brilliantly. Our DC was about 9 months and our nanny's DC about 6 months when she started. She looks both DC fantastically, and never once have I felt that they've been neglected in any way.

Now that they're a bit older they are lovely together and really enjoy each other's company.

A good nanny should have been able to make it work. Still, a grown up conversation should take place instead of sending a text.

I think this arrangement works if you have a trial and if both sides agree what's happening which is what OP has admitted in hindsight.

I don't think this nanny was not good per se, but I think maybe this is the nanny's first job with her baby and she had good intentions.

boredOf · 21/10/2022 11:18

Don't beat yourself up, childcare is a minefield. I'm glad mine are older.

EdgeOfACoin · 21/10/2022 11:19

I'm confused by posters saying that the nanny is self-employed. I thought that using a nanny came with the burden of having to sort out their tax and NI contributions.

Incidentally, childminders are self-employed, and their ratios mean that they can't look after more than one child under the age of one (unless twins).

mavismorpoth · 21/10/2022 11:20

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:56

I did think of that but I know I won’t be able to articulate my reasons as clearly over the phone. It’s also bloody awkward “hi - we’re letting you go”!
mat least by text she can read, absorb and then respond. We ultimately will still see her and deal with her whilst she’s working her notice so I’d like the exchange to be considered… I don’t want to put her on the spot over the phone and make it super awkward!

You won't call her because too awkward (fair enough, I'd not want to either) but you said you don't want to wait until her next working day because it would prolong the length of service but I reckon if you won't call her you certainly won't want to fire her in person.

You want an easy way out by texting but maybe you need to take the responsivity that comes with hiring people - you also have to man up and fire them.

I'd do it on her next working day, and surely she's in a probationary period and you can let her go immediately or at least don't have to wait a certain amount of time?

maddiemookins16mum · 21/10/2022 11:21

DrMarciaFieldstone · 21/10/2022 10:02

Nannies with their own children never works.

Especially when their child is sooooo young.

Brefugee · 21/10/2022 11:21

just grow up and do it properly, face to face with proper feedback about why.