To dump nanny by text

[Newmum0322]

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

Our first nanny had been a childminder and treated our son with as much love and care as her daughter 2 years older.

honestly, I very very much doubt it when you weren’t around

Text her to say your like to call her to chat about the current situation.

Then call her and ask her how she thinks it's going. Let her lead. She may say oh it's not quite right in which case that makes it easier. If she says it's fine, you then say, actually from your perspective it's not working and so you are sorry but will be giving notice. Then follow up the call with an email or letter summarizing the call.

We all do things with the best intentions that don't work out . Call her , I bet she's expecting it, she's probably realised its not working out as you both expected it to
Get it over and done with

Write down all your points before calling her, to help you articulate what you want to say.

It works absolutely fine for loads of people - lots of childminders and nannies have their own children.

Maybe you have personally had a bad experience but that doesn't mean it is the case for everyone.

I don’t think it’s legal for nannies/ mothers aids to be self employed in the U.K. I might be wrong but when I was looking into getting a nanny a while ago I came up against this as a barrier, it seemed to be there to stop nannies being done out of employment rights, so I’d check the legalities of this arrangement you’ve created between you. That being said yes she’s only been with you a couple of weeks so unfair dismissal is only moral not legal.

All the extra info you gave after my comment feels like a bit of a drip feed. To me your original OP didn’t scream ‘she came with 15 years experience with children of a similar age and glowing references’ but with that in mind then yes you do have more right to be annoyed/disappointed she’s not delivering as expected. I suspect looking after her own child is very different from looking after two that weren’t hers and as others have said she’s probably still recovering from birth and not sleeping well.

The big difference - that’s startlingly obvious even to a first time parent - is that one of the babies is her baby. That’s a completely different situation to twins or a 1:2 ratio.

I won’t even use a childminder who has their own kids there, I don’t want any childcare situation where one child is a higher priority than the others.

Please speak to her by a phone call. I agree with letting her go, but be the better person and talk to her.

Just a few observations: being on an FTC is not the same thing as being self employed. She is not self employed, you employ her and pay employment taxes accordingly, I hope.
I also had a nanny who brought her own 4 month old to work when she came back from mat leave, and I had three children, one under 1. It was fine, but then I wasn't sitting in the house getting involved in every interaction. I think the arrangement needed much stronger discussion of how in practice things like feeding were going to work.

I put Yabu only for the reason, why on earth would you employ Someone who was bringing their own child so small to work everyday. That was never going to work. Fair enough if the child was 4, snd a bit more independent. Did you employ her at a cheaper rate because of this?

You do need to speak with her, it's pretty terrible to fire someone by text! You don't really owe her an explanation since she hasn't worked with you for very long. I would tell her it's not working out as your child is not getting the attention you expected and so you will be looking for one on one care instead.

I don't understand the self-employed nanny role either. If she is not choosing her working hours etc then you must legally employ her and give her employee benefits such as holiday pay, sick pay, pension, maternity leave. You can use a payroll company which specialises in nannies to do this on your behalf but you cannot shirk your responsibilities as an employer - which you are.

It's the role that is self-employed or employed, not the person.

If you can set your own terms and conditions, rates and availability, say when and how you work, you are probably self-employed eg a childminder, hairdresser, plumber, cleaner.

If the employer sets the days, hours, wage, tells you how and where to work, it's probably an employment situation.

So some nannies - emergency or ad-hoc nannies, night nannies, maternity nurses, travel nannies are often self employed.
A nanny who has set days and hours and can't just pick and choose their days is employed - even if the job is part time or fixed term.

Lots of employers like to pretend their nannies are self-employed so they can avoid giving them employment rights though

I wouldn't want her to work her notice if she can't do the job when things are OK between you.

There are specific circumstances where it is fine for a nanny to be self employed

Doing temporary contracts, such as night nannies or temp nannies, is one of them…

Experience of having a nanny, yes.
Experience of having a nanny who also brings her he own child, let alone a very young baby? No. Why? Because if I choose to have a many other is because I want MY child/children to be the number 1 focus of the nanny. What is precisely why I select this option for childcare. And not a cat’s chance in hell that a nanny’s focus in the event of an emergency for example where she can only tend to one child - then it’s not going to be my child, is it?!

”because if I choose to have a nanny”

Don't fire her by text that's awful! Ring her. She's a human and deserves a bit of respect!!!!! Text to follow up with conformation of last date etc

Just a few observations: being on an FTC is not the same thing as being self employed. She is not self employed, you employ her and pay employment taxes accordingly, I hope

This. Even if you think she is self-employed, she almost certainly isn't. Be careful, or you will end up in trouble with HMRC, especially if she is disgruntled and dobs you in. It doesn't matter what it says in her contract, if the HMRC classifies her as employed (rules here ), she is employed.

However, in terms of letting her go, even if she is an employee, you can just give her notice, or pay her in lieu of notice. I would not give her reasons, other than a vague, "I don't think it's working". Do it face-to-face or at least by a call though.

Next time round, have a proper employment contract, which includes a probationary period.

I doubt many people have had experience of a nanny looking after her 6mo in conjunction with her employer's 9mo in the same house whilst the employer WFH.

And for a good reason - it sounds like a recipe for disaster, as has been shown here. All of the nanny's maternal instincts will be centred on her own baby.

Act like an adult and either speak to her in person or speak on the phone. Ending a contract by text is shitty and unprofessional, whatever the reason behind it.
Have you actually raised all of the problems with her? I can't believe you let it get to this stage. You hired a nanny, and on the first day you were making your child lunch and feeding her yourself? Why, then, didn't you speak to the nanny and say I need you to do this as part of your role?
You need to set clear expectations of what the job entails.

Personally I would speak to her first - sit down and discuss what you feel isn't working but also try to add in some things that are (if there are any). My daughter took her son to work with her in the same situation and got it working really well, even said that sometimes he didn't want her to hug the other children but that he had to get used to it. It can work for both parties if done properly and with open lines of communication.

The main thing is to end this shitty arrangement asap.

If you really can't steel yourself to call her then just text and her email her.

Just get it done today.

We tried nanny with own child - it was a disaster op!!!

Given your suggested approach on this Op, are you cut out for employing a nanny? Even in very positive relationships with a nanny, there will invariable be tricky discussions that you, as the employer need to raise or respond to

Our son was 1 yr 3 months and the nanny’s child was 11 months. Just didn’t work. We were going to terminate it after one week but then she did which saved us the hassle