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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me

OP posts:
Bundlesofchocforme · 14/10/2022 19:25

I would go for 3.

Whistlesandbell · 14/10/2022 19:27

1&2

TwiggletLover · 14/10/2022 19:31

I would ask Ben's Mum directly why DS has not been invited. Tell her how devastated your son has been and see what she says

SerenaTee · 14/10/2022 19:31

You are correct, you absolutely need help if you’re so emotional over a kids birthday party! Maybe Ben doesn’t feel as strongly as your DS as your DS feels about him, maybe Ben’s mum isn’t keen on encouraging the friendship, maybe they want to restrict numbers at the party and Ben prefers to invite other children over your DS?

furrytampon · 14/10/2022 19:33

yes good idea, punish the child for his mum’s choice

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 14/10/2022 19:33

Egg the mums car.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/10/2022 19:34

I don’t think you can do 2&3 without hurting Ben.

Can you simply ask her why your son isn’t invited as it has really upset him, he thinks they are great friends. See what she says. Then egg the house.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2022 19:35

Even if your son classes Ben as his 'best friend' are you sure it's mutual?

Whistlesandbell · 14/10/2022 19:35

Whatever you do it must involve an egging.

Fladdermus · 14/10/2022 19:38

I had this with DD. Her best friend's mum hated her and so she was never invited to any of best friend's birthdays. It broke my heart. Best friend's mum hated DD because she was best friends and the mother wanted her DD to best friends with her mates DD.

25 years later and they're still best friends and the mother still hates DD and now her DD has very little to do with her.

Original poster
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:39

Thank you my reasonable head is out of whack right now!

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/10/2022 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Playdoh42 · 14/10/2022 19:42

It's hurtful for you and your son and it's tempting to retaliate, but it won't achieve anything. The mum won't care. It's better to take the higher ground. Either option 3 or 4. If I were you I'd take option 4 but expect Ben not to show up.

saxamaafone · 14/10/2022 19:44

It could just be a case of they're not as close as you think they are
Sounds like bens moved on with new friends
Your ds party if Ben comes could help the friendship
Let your ds invite who he likes and don't be petty they're children after all

grayhairdontcare · 14/10/2022 19:44

I think your son is more attached to Ben, than Ben is to your son.

Original poster
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:48

True friendship prevails! I am not as unstable as I may come across! I have friends that have been friends for 25+ years and I don’t think our parents have ever spoken more than a casual conversation in passing. They laugh we are still friends as we are all very different!

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 14/10/2022 19:49

Maybe Bens mum finds your son hard work and wants an easier life when dealing with her child's birthday arrangements. Maybe your son is fine until he finds the birthday cake then he's sky-high and zooming everywhere until you go to pick him up.

If your son wants Ben there then let him. Its his party surely?

Guavafish1 · 14/10/2022 19:50

Let it go! They won't remember in 30 years.

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2022 19:52

How old are they? I'd just let them get on with it. Ben can choose who he wants and your son can do the same.

theremustonlybeone · 14/10/2022 19:55

Well you say they are best friend but that makes no sense. My kids chose who they wanted at their party. So if your son isn't invited it would appear birthday boy doesn't view your DC as his best friend. I find it hard to believe his mother would stop your son coming if he truly was his bestie.

I would be encouraging friendships with other groups ..

UnicornRainbowStars · 14/10/2022 19:57

This is unacceptable behaviour on the part of your sons friends mother.

its actually bullying behaviour. I would do all options if they excluded my child like that.

whatever you do … make sure you use up your eggs!!!!

MrsJamieDornan · 14/10/2022 19:57

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

I'd do this too. I could not stand letting the mum away without a little discomfort about why she hadn't invited him.

And then egg the cow's house.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 19:59

I’d lean towards 2, but then again I’m a petty fucker who will always cut my nose off to spite my face

junebirthdaygirl · 14/10/2022 20:00

I have taught that age group for years. I often found that dps ask their child who do you want at your party and they mention children they never play with but somehow they look up to or just pops into their head right then. I have so many times seen them not mention the poor kid they play with every day and the parent doesn't realise that.
Does Ben come to your house on playdates? Does your ds go there? Was thinking that you working full time might hinder this so parents don't really get to see you. Totally understandable of course as we all have to work. Often parents invite their own friends dc as that suits them party wise.
Hold your head up and if ds wants Ben at his party invite him.