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AIBU?

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

    i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me
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Am I being unreasonable?

1027 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
StarDolphins · 14/10/2022 21:30

2 or 3 for me.

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SimonaRazowska · 14/10/2022 21:30

Wow are you 12?

you are going to have a hard old time with your kids in school

learn to not get emotionally hung up on this sort of stuff. Maybe your DS annoyed this kid, there will be a reason.

just let it go, don’t become petty

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HappyHoppyHippo · 14/10/2022 21:30

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

This! Defo think the egging is a must.

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PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/10/2022 21:31

Egging the house is kids' stuff, dog poo through the letter box is the way to go. 🙃
Honestly though op, I agree with pp who say the whole best friend thing is fickle. In reality its a giant hurtful, pain in the backside. One dc had a best friend all through primary school, they were like siblings, but dropped like a hot potato once high school started. The other child's best friend love bombed then moved onto a new BFF, leaving child hurt and confused until said child decided it was my dc's "turn" to be BFF again.
You don't really know what happend apart from your dc's side. There might have been a falling out, your dc might have a higher opinion of the friend than is reciprocated, etc. There is absolutely no point holding grudges or questioning lack of invite, just let your dc invite who he wants but encourage other friendships.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:35

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/10/2022 21:31

Egging the house is kids' stuff, dog poo through the letter box is the way to go. 🙃
Honestly though op, I agree with pp who say the whole best friend thing is fickle. In reality its a giant hurtful, pain in the backside. One dc had a best friend all through primary school, they were like siblings, but dropped like a hot potato once high school started. The other child's best friend love bombed then moved onto a new BFF, leaving child hurt and confused until said child decided it was my dc's "turn" to be BFF again.
You don't really know what happend apart from your dc's side. There might have been a falling out, your dc might have a higher opinion of the friend than is reciprocated, etc. There is absolutely no point holding grudges or questioning lack of invite, just let your dc invite who he wants but encourage other friendships.

Haha! Dog poo! Thank you. That must be so hard, I’m here for him and he has other friends outside of school just very sad, probably more heartbreaking for us

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JustLyra · 14/10/2022 21:36

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

This is the only thing that matters.

Ben is allowed to invite whoever he wants to his party, and allowed to pick his closest 4/6/12/however many children he's allowed to invite.

Your DS should be allowed to do the same. It's his birthday so if he wants to include Ben then let him.

And don't go down the passive aggressive road. They're 8. There is a long time to go at school and you've no idea how much their friendship with grow or wane over those years.

FWIW my best friend at school was never allowed to invite me anywhere because of my parents. We are still pretty close friends now. If my grandparents (who I lived with) had made it even more awkward by kicking off the only person who'd have missed out would have been me.

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coralpig · 14/10/2022 21:37

Or mystery option 5. Grow up and stop projecting your insecurities

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:37

SimonaRazowska · 14/10/2022 21:30

Wow are you 12?

you are going to have a hard old time with your kids in school

learn to not get emotionally hung up on this sort of stuff. Maybe your DS annoyed this kid, there will be a reason.

just let it go, don’t become petty

thank you, sometimes these things are easier said than done. But I appreciate your honesty

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NotBloodyCovid · 14/10/2022 21:38

Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:10

Maybe she doesn't want an unhinged person at her house who would consider egging her house just because her son didn't invite their child to his party. You are giving of Single White Female vibes.

Seriously? You are a TWAT

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:38

JustLyra · 14/10/2022 21:36

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

This is the only thing that matters.

Ben is allowed to invite whoever he wants to his party, and allowed to pick his closest 4/6/12/however many children he's allowed to invite.

Your DS should be allowed to do the same. It's his birthday so if he wants to include Ben then let him.

And don't go down the passive aggressive road. They're 8. There is a long time to go at school and you've no idea how much their friendship with grow or wane over those years.

FWIW my best friend at school was never allowed to invite me anywhere because of my parents. We are still pretty close friends now. If my grandparents (who I lived with) had made it even more awkward by kicking off the only person who'd have missed out would have been me.

So sorry that happened, thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:40

coralpig · 14/10/2022 21:37

Or mystery option 5. Grow up and stop projecting your insecurities

I’m sorry I don’t understand the action I should take, I am assuming number 4?

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Newmum0322 · 14/10/2022 21:43

This post, and your responses to some of the bitchiness, have made me laugh out loud!! Love it.

Seriously though, I think there’s a sweet spot here… you obviously throw the party and don’t invite Ben. Invite as many people as he wants, to a party as expensive and as big as he wants, but dont invite a Ben. Not ONLY because it’s satisfying, but because Ben evidently doesn’t consider your son a close friend, and it’s important for DS to spend time fostering friendships with other children. This could be a reasonable way for you to encourage that!

good luck with the party :)

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ProbAmU · 14/10/2022 21:43

Why do you still stay at parties if your DS is 8?

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/10/2022 21:45

Maybe you just ask why DS is not being being invited?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:46

Newmum0322 · 14/10/2022 21:43

This post, and your responses to some of the bitchiness, have made me laugh out loud!! Love it.

Seriously though, I think there’s a sweet spot here… you obviously throw the party and don’t invite Ben. Invite as many people as he wants, to a party as expensive and as big as he wants, but dont invite a Ben. Not ONLY because it’s satisfying, but because Ben evidently doesn’t consider your son a close friend, and it’s important for DS to spend time fostering friendships with other children. This could be a reasonable way for you to encourage that!

good luck with the party :)

Thank you! Big parties sound like hard work though!

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:50

ProbAmU · 14/10/2022 21:43

Why do you still stay at parties if your DS is 8?

Most the parties are in the city centre which is 20mins away and unfortunately there’s not much to do in the city centre. Most of the soft play laser quest type things have a decent coffee now which helps.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:51

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/10/2022 21:45

Maybe you just ask why DS is not being being invited?

Thank you, you’re exactly right

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HauntedPencil · 14/10/2022 21:52

Honestly just let him ask who he wants and let it go over your head because you don't really know what's going on and I often find we are more sad for the kids about not going to parties than they are - it does suggest to be that either the friendship might be a bit one sided and Ben isn't asking for your DS to be invited, or for whatever reason the mum isn't keen on asking your son.

I would ask Ben if he likes but encourage him to make other friends too, maybe with a few play dates.

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underneaththeash · 14/10/2022 21:54

We had that issue from the other side a couple of years ago. DD invited to a party, seemed to have a nice time. 6 months later, her party and I ask for guest list, ask about other child and she says that they no longer get on. Fine.
this year DD is invited to her birthday party again, their birthdays are quite far apart - October vs late April. Should I insist in April that she invites her if they’ve fallen out again?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:54

HauntedPencil · 14/10/2022 21:52

Honestly just let him ask who he wants and let it go over your head because you don't really know what's going on and I often find we are more sad for the kids about not going to parties than they are - it does suggest to be that either the friendship might be a bit one sided and Ben isn't asking for your DS to be invited, or for whatever reason the mum isn't keen on asking your son.

I would ask Ben if he likes but encourage him to make other friends too, maybe with a few play dates.

Thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:57

underneaththeash · 14/10/2022 21:54

We had that issue from the other side a couple of years ago. DD invited to a party, seemed to have a nice time. 6 months later, her party and I ask for guest list, ask about other child and she says that they no longer get on. Fine.
this year DD is invited to her birthday party again, their birthdays are quite far apart - October vs late April. Should I insist in April that she invites her if they’ve fallen out again?

Thank you, it’s nice to see from the other side that there is nothing malicious just one to those things. I appreciate it

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Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:57

NotBloodyCovid · 14/10/2022 21:38

Seriously? You are a TWAT

I know this is you OP. You are being crazy.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:58

Hi, this is not me

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Medoca · 14/10/2022 21:58

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

I think this is perfect.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:59

Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:57

I know this is you OP. You are being crazy.

This response is not from me

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