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AIBU?

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

    i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me
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Am I being unreasonable?

1027 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:00

Musti · 14/10/2022 20:14

It doesn’t sound like he considers your son his best friend. Kids are really fickle and they chop and change who their besties are.

You invite who your child wants to invite, and let other parents invite who their kids want to invite. And don’t take it personally, it’s normal.

Thank you ☺️

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:03

Pixiedust1234 · 14/10/2022 19:49

Maybe Bens mum finds your son hard work and wants an easier life when dealing with her child's birthday arrangements. Maybe your son is fine until he finds the birthday cake then he's sky-high and zooming everywhere until you go to pick him up.

If your son wants Ben there then let him. Its his party surely?

Thank you, my DS is fairly well behaved and due to his age we stay at parties currently but I understand this may be an issue for some parents.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:04

Guavafish1 · 14/10/2022 19:50

Let it go! They won't remember in 30 years.

Thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:06

fuckinghorgel · 14/10/2022 20:20

Hmm, weird.

Have there been any fall outs/fights between the boys? Is your son well behaved at parties/other peoples houses? How many kids was Ben allowed to invite?

I don’t know unfortunately, thank you though. I know there is a lot of moving parts to organise

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:08

Mariposista · 14/10/2022 20:55

Hahahahaha option 1 made me laugh so much. Just make sure the eggs are past their date 🤣🤣🤣
in all fairness, poor DS and poor Ben. His mother is commandeering his friendships and making his good friends upset. This is why birthdays are so much better as kids get older - the kids just sort it out themselves. But don’t punish Ben for his vile mother.

Thank you! It’s rubbish for the kids! But you’re right!

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XelaM · 14/10/2022 21:08

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

This is a great idea.

but I would still egg the house and do the amazing sweet lanyard invites 🤣

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SerenaTee · 14/10/2022 21:08

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:45

Sometimes we are emotional, lack of emotion would mean we would all react exactly the same to every eventuality. I appreciate your comment but you did not answered the question what would you do?

The only thing I’d do is explain to my child that you can’t always be invited to everything, not a chance I’d raise it with the mum. It’s hard for your DS if he’s upset but unfortunately that’s part and parcel of life, and children’s friendships.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:09

XelaM · 14/10/2022 21:08

This is a great idea.

but I would still egg the house and do the amazing sweet lanyard invites 🤣

😂

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Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:10

Maybe she doesn't want an unhinged person at her house who would consider egging her house just because her son didn't invite their child to his party. You are giving of Single White Female vibes.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:13

Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:10

Maybe she doesn't want an unhinged person at her house who would consider egging her house just because her son didn't invite their child to his party. You are giving of Single White Female vibes.

I’m not sure what you would like me to respond to this. But in my situation how would you respond? Please note: this is lighthearted fun.

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QueenofFox · 14/10/2022 21:14

How old is Ben?

there was a girl who was pretty obsessive about my daughter in reception/year 1 and my daughter found it a bit overwhelming. DD wasn’t allowed to talk to other children that sort of thing (the school moved them into different classes as a result to allow my daughter some space to make new friends so I do have another adult’s perspective on it). The girl would have said they were best friends and was apparently “devastated” when she wasn’t invited to her year 1 party but my daughter was clear that the friendship didn’t make her feel good. I’m not saying your son is like this, I’m trying to make the point that two children can view a “friendship” very differently. Talk to the mum if you need to.

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Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:15

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:13

I’m not sure what you would like me to respond to this. But in my situation how would you respond? Please note: this is lighthearted fun.

Obviously I would get over it and let my kid invite whoever he wants to his party.

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LynetteScavo · 14/10/2022 21:16

Urgh, I had a similar situation- I wanted to do 2. DS wanted to do 4.

I went with 4, the child couldn't come to the party anyway (genuinely) but popped a card with a very generous amount of £££££ through the door. The DM later realised she'd fucked up when no friendship meant she'd lost a free childcare option, and friend to rekindle the friendship. Too little too late.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:16

QueenofFox · 14/10/2022 21:14

How old is Ben?

there was a girl who was pretty obsessive about my daughter in reception/year 1 and my daughter found it a bit overwhelming. DD wasn’t allowed to talk to other children that sort of thing (the school moved them into different classes as a result to allow my daughter some space to make new friends so I do have another adult’s perspective on it). The girl would have said they were best friends and was apparently “devastated” when she wasn’t invited to her year 1 party but my daughter was clear that the friendship didn’t make her feel good. I’m not saying your son is like this, I’m trying to make the point that two children can view a “friendship” very differently. Talk to the mum if you need to.

They are 8. Thank you this is really reasonable

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JacquelineCarlyle · 14/10/2022 21:17

It's horrible and hurtful Op, so I totally get your emotions, however if your DS wants Ben at his party, then I'd be the bigger person and invite him regardless of the lack of reciprocal invitation.

That said, I do like the passive aggressive suggestion, so if you can pull that off then go for it (it's not something I could manage but it does seem a great way of responding).

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:19

LynetteScavo · 14/10/2022 21:16

Urgh, I had a similar situation- I wanted to do 2. DS wanted to do 4.

I went with 4, the child couldn't come to the party anyway (genuinely) but popped a card with a very generous amount of £££££ through the door. The DM later realised she'd fucked up when no friendship meant she'd lost a free childcare option, and friend to rekindle the friendship. Too little too late.

hope you’re ok, thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:20

Ottersmith · 14/10/2022 21:15

Obviously I would get over it and let my kid invite whoever he wants to his party.

Thanks

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Charliecatpaws · 14/10/2022 21:22

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 14/10/2022 19:33

Egg the mums car.

this was my thought, along with the house

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:22

JacquelineCarlyle · 14/10/2022 21:17

It's horrible and hurtful Op, so I totally get your emotions, however if your DS wants Ben at his party, then I'd be the bigger person and invite him regardless of the lack of reciprocal invitation.

That said, I do like the passive aggressive suggestion, so if you can pull that off then go for it (it's not something I could manage but it does seem a great way of responding).

I know I love it! I need advice in how to pull this off!

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OverArmour · 14/10/2022 21:25

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:22

I know I love it! I need advice in how to pull this off!

Just text that.

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Meanderingpuppy · 14/10/2022 21:26

YANBU, but I wouldn't take it our on Ben. I would have thought either rise above it and invite the whole class including Ben, and maybe make a point of talking casually to Ben' parents about how your have invited the whole class as you hate to see children excluded. Or have a small party with only a few children (in which case you could reasonably choose not to invite Ben if that is what you and your DS agree). Could also speak to your SIL and see if she knows what is going on, if she is someone you could mention it to without her reporting back to Ben's mum.

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Luana1 · 14/10/2022 21:27

QueenofFox · 14/10/2022 21:14

How old is Ben?

there was a girl who was pretty obsessive about my daughter in reception/year 1 and my daughter found it a bit overwhelming. DD wasn’t allowed to talk to other children that sort of thing (the school moved them into different classes as a result to allow my daughter some space to make new friends so I do have another adult’s perspective on it). The girl would have said they were best friends and was apparently “devastated” when she wasn’t invited to her year 1 party but my daughter was clear that the friendship didn’t make her feel good. I’m not saying your son is like this, I’m trying to make the point that two children can view a “friendship” very differently. Talk to the mum if you need to.

There is a boy in my son's class who tells people that DS is his best friend. Similarly to the post above what is actually happening is the boy is suffocating DS with possessiveness and tries to stop him playing with others. Luckily the boys mother and the teacher are trying to change the boys behaviour however there is no my that DS wants him at his birthday in case he ruins it for others. I know we all want to think the best of our kids, but could something like that be going on OP?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:27

Meanderingpuppy · 14/10/2022 21:26

YANBU, but I wouldn't take it our on Ben. I would have thought either rise above it and invite the whole class including Ben, and maybe make a point of talking casually to Ben' parents about how your have invited the whole class as you hate to see children excluded. Or have a small party with only a few children (in which case you could reasonably choose not to invite Ben if that is what you and your DS agree). Could also speak to your SIL and see if she knows what is going on, if she is someone you could mention it to without her reporting back to Ben's mum.

Thank you, I will try to and keep you updated

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 21:29

Luana1 · 14/10/2022 21:27

There is a boy in my son's class who tells people that DS is his best friend. Similarly to the post above what is actually happening is the boy is suffocating DS with possessiveness and tries to stop him playing with others. Luckily the boys mother and the teacher are trying to change the boys behaviour however there is no my that DS wants him at his birthday in case he ruins it for others. I know we all want to think the best of our kids, but could something like that be going on OP?

Thank you, I’ll ask the teacher. No-one has mentioned it before but it sis possible due to some family circumstances recently

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Baconbuttiew · 14/10/2022 21:29

Honestly I’d just be the better person and invite Ben as it’s what your DS wants. The mum sounds annoying but I’d let it go life’s too short.

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