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AIBU?

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

    i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me
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Am I being unreasonable?

1027 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
MarieCondom · 14/10/2022 22:01

YABU to give this any headspace.

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mcmooberry · 14/10/2022 22:01

Definitely 3. It's what I have done myself when any of my DC have been left out of a party of someone they considered a close friend. "Over my dead body are they coming to the return party" I say to myself, feeling awful for my DC - and I follow through, however many months later that may be.
Unfortunately no birthdays anywhere near Halloween but, as revenge is a dish best served cold - something to consider.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:02

MarieCondom · 14/10/2022 22:01

YABU to give this any headspace.

Thank you, much bigger things in the world to be worried about.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:03

mcmooberry · 14/10/2022 22:01

Definitely 3. It's what I have done myself when any of my DC have been left out of a party of someone they considered a close friend. "Over my dead body are they coming to the return party" I say to myself, feeling awful for my DC - and I follow through, however many months later that may be.
Unfortunately no birthdays anywhere near Halloween but, as revenge is a dish best served cold - something to consider.

Thank you

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EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 14/10/2022 22:03

Fladdermus · 14/10/2022 19:38

I had this with DD. Her best friend's mum hated her and so she was never invited to any of best friend's birthdays. It broke my heart. Best friend's mum hated DD because she was best friends and the mother wanted her DD to best friends with her mates DD.

25 years later and they're still best friends and the mother still hates DD and now her DD has very little to do with her.

Ouch.

This was me aged 9. The other child came from a better background. I did not pass muster and was considered I think too mature for my age.

Her DMs behaviour towards me as a child and teen when I look back, was breathtakingly awful.

If you want an answer OP, you have to bite the bullet and ask the question.

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Mybumlooksbig · 14/10/2022 22:05

1 and 2 thankyou

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:05

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 14/10/2022 22:03

Ouch.

This was me aged 9. The other child came from a better background. I did not pass muster and was considered I think too mature for my age.

Her DMs behaviour towards me as a child and teen when I look back, was breathtakingly awful.

If you want an answer OP, you have to bite the bullet and ask the question.

This is awful, I’m so sorry you went through this, thank you for responding

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:06

Mybumlooksbig · 14/10/2022 22:05

1 and 2 thankyou

😂

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MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/10/2022 22:06

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:59

I am not unreasonable but I am potentially childish, which option would you choose?

I’d do option 3/ 4, with DS deciding whether Ben gets an invite without your input. I’d tell him he can have a party it’s X number of friends and that he needs to decide which of his friends to invite. If he chooses Ben within that list then invite him and if he doesn’t then don’t, the same you’ll presumably do for all of the other children in his year group who he may or may not potentially want to invite. Essentially keep your opinion out of it and understand that you are trying to put adult expectations in terms of party etiquette, friendship values and loyalty etc onto small children who don’t navigate their friendships in the same way as adults do.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:07

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/10/2022 22:06

I’d do option 3/ 4, with DS deciding whether Ben gets an invite without your input. I’d tell him he can have a party it’s X number of friends and that he needs to decide which of his friends to invite. If he chooses Ben within that list then invite him and if he doesn’t then don’t, the same you’ll presumably do for all of the other children in his year group who he may or may not potentially want to invite. Essentially keep your opinion out of it and understand that you are trying to put adult expectations in terms of party etiquette, friendship values and loyalty etc onto small children who don’t navigate their friendships in the same way as adults do.

Thank you

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keeprunning55 · 14/10/2022 22:18

It’s incredibly hurtful. I know how you feel as this happened to my ds. The worst part was that he lied about it & said he wasn’t doing anything, only to find out he was. My ds was more upset & felt low because of the lie.
I would invite the boy & show them how to treat people. I’d also ask why your ds wasn’t invited.

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/10/2022 22:18

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:12

Sorry I just realised I am not quoting and replying, apologies all. I do really appreciate everyone’s input. This sounds like it might be the case. Unfortunately we struggle with play dates due to us working full time but have had a few with other children on occasion. Thanks again

My DS didn't invite kids to his party this year I expected him to invite, just his class of 15 kids. He was adamant he didn't want anyone else. A few days before his party he asked if x,y and z were coming and was really sad when I said they weren't. These are kids I specifically asked if he wanted to invite. I think he was overwhelmed and just wanted me to stop asking him questions and just saying invite the class was easier. So his friends in the other classes missed out. I was kicking myself, I should have just invited them. It could have come about for all sorts of reasons.

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Highlights12 · 14/10/2022 22:20

I'd invite Ben then egg his mum when she turns up with him😁

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/10/2022 22:22

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

I'd love to do this, I couldn't, anxiety wouldn't let me but it'd be so tempting to do.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:22

keeprunning55 · 14/10/2022 22:18

It’s incredibly hurtful. I know how you feel as this happened to my ds. The worst part was that he lied about it & said he wasn’t doing anything, only to find out he was. My ds was more upset & felt low because of the lie.
I would invite the boy & show them how to treat people. I’d also ask why your ds wasn’t invited.

Thank you

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Blowthemandown · 14/10/2022 22:23

TwiggletLover · 14/10/2022 19:31

I would ask Ben's Mum directly why DS has not been invited. Tell her how devastated your son has been and see what she says

@MumofRon this is the only way not to hurt Ben or DS

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/10/2022 22:24

Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
No TP option?
Is throwing toilet paper on houses at Halloween not a thing in the UK?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:25

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/10/2022 22:18

My DS didn't invite kids to his party this year I expected him to invite, just his class of 15 kids. He was adamant he didn't want anyone else. A few days before his party he asked if x,y and z were coming and was really sad when I said they weren't. These are kids I specifically asked if he wanted to invite. I think he was overwhelmed and just wanted me to stop asking him questions and just saying invite the class was easier. So his friends in the other classes missed out. I was kicking myself, I should have just invited them. It could have come about for all sorts of reasons.

That’s relieving to here from the other side. Thank you it’s one of them things

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:25

Highlights12 · 14/10/2022 22:20

I'd invite Ben then egg his mum when she turns up with him😁

This is priceless and great advice!

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:26

Blowthemandown · 14/10/2022 22:23

@MumofRon this is the only way not to hurt Ben or DS

thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:27

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/10/2022 22:24

Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
No TP option?
Is throwing toilet paper on houses at Halloween not a thing in the UK?

This would be alof cleaner! And handy! But normally as far as I am aware eggs and flour in the UK, our local shop IDs you on Halloween for these! Haha!

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:28

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:27

This would be alof cleaner! And handy! But normally as far as I am aware eggs and flour in the UK, our local shop IDs you on Halloween for these! Haha!

*alot

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Milesty1 · 14/10/2022 22:28

Ben’s mum is a tw@t. Don’t be a tw@t.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:30

Milesty1 · 14/10/2022 22:28

Ben’s mum is a tw@t. Don’t be a tw@t.

I try not to be but the suggestion of toilet paper earlier is interesting, haha, seriously though thank you

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Milesty1 · 14/10/2022 22:31

I actually really like the passive aggressive option above though! I’d do that. And then invite Ben so as not to do the same to him, it’s not his fault his mum is a tool.

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