AIBU no party invite

[MumofRon]

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
4. the above but invite him

i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me

YABU to give this any headspace.

Definitely 3. It's what I have done myself when any of my DC have been left out of a party of someone they considered a close friend. "Over my dead body are they coming to the return party" I say to myself, feeling awful for my DC - and I follow through, however many months later that may be.
Unfortunately no birthdays anywhere near Halloween but, as revenge is a dish best served cold - something to consider.

Thank you, much bigger things in the world to be worried about.

Thank you

Ouch.

This was me aged 9. The other child came from a better background. I did not pass muster and was considered I think too mature for my age.

Her DMs behaviour towards me as a child and teen when I look back, was breathtakingly awful.

If you want an answer OP, you have to bite the bullet and ask the question.

1 and 2 thankyou

This is awful, I’m so sorry you went through this, thank you for responding

😂

I’d do option 3/ 4, with DS deciding whether Ben gets an invite without your input. I’d tell him he can have a party it’s X number of friends and that he needs to decide which of his friends to invite. If he chooses Ben within that list then invite him and if he doesn’t then don’t, the same you’ll presumably do for all of the other children in his year group who he may or may not potentially want to invite. Essentially keep your opinion out of it and understand that you are trying to put adult expectations in terms of party etiquette, friendship values and loyalty etc onto small children who don’t navigate their friendships in the same way as adults do.

Thank you

It’s incredibly hurtful. I know how you feel as this happened to my ds. The worst part was that he lied about it & said he wasn’t doing anything, only to find out he was. My ds was more upset & felt low because of the lie.
I would invite the boy & show them how to treat people. I’d also ask why your ds wasn’t invited.

My DS didn't invite kids to his party this year I expected him to invite, just his class of 15 kids. He was adamant he didn't want anyone else. A few days before his party he asked if x,y and z were coming and was really sad when I said they weren't. These are kids I specifically asked if he wanted to invite. I think he was overwhelmed and just wanted me to stop asking him questions and just saying invite the class was easier. So his friends in the other classes missed out. I was kicking myself, I should have just invited them. It could have come about for all sorts of reasons.

I'd invite Ben then egg his mum when she turns up with him😁

I'd love to do this, I couldn't, anxiety wouldn't let me but it'd be so tempting to do.

Thank you

@MumofRon this is the only way not to hurt Ben or DS

Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
No TP option?
Is throwing toilet paper on houses at Halloween not a thing in the UK?

That’s relieving to here from the other side. Thank you it’s one of them things

This is priceless and great advice!

thank you

This would be alof cleaner! And handy! But normally as far as I am aware eggs and flour in the UK, our local shop IDs you on Halloween for these! Haha!

*alot

Ben’s mum is a tw@t. Don’t be a tw@t.

I try not to be but the suggestion of toilet paper earlier is interesting, haha, seriously though thank you

I actually really like the passive aggressive option above though! I’d do that. And then invite Ben so as not to do the same to him, it’s not his fault his mum is a tool.