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AIBU?

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

    i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me
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Am I being unreasonable?

1027 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:01

I think you are my life saver! Thank you xxx

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/10/2022 20:04

I think it depends why he wasn't invited. Has your son asked Ben?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:12

junebirthdaygirl · 14/10/2022 20:00

I have taught that age group for years. I often found that dps ask their child who do you want at your party and they mention children they never play with but somehow they look up to or just pops into their head right then. I have so many times seen them not mention the poor kid they play with every day and the parent doesn't realise that.
Does Ben come to your house on playdates? Does your ds go there? Was thinking that you working full time might hinder this so parents don't really get to see you. Totally understandable of course as we all have to work. Often parents invite their own friends dc as that suits them party wise.
Hold your head up and if ds wants Ben at his party invite him.

Sorry I just realised I am not quoting and replying, apologies all. I do really appreciate everyone’s input. This sounds like it might be the case. Unfortunately we struggle with play dates due to us working full time but have had a few with other children on occasion. Thanks again

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Musti · 14/10/2022 20:14

It doesn’t sound like he considers your son his best friend. Kids are really fickle and they chop and change who their besties are.

You invite who your child wants to invite, and let other parents invite who their kids want to invite. And don’t take it personally, it’s normal.

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Homewardbound2022 · 14/10/2022 20:16

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/10/2022 19:34

I don’t think you can do 2&3 without hurting Ben.

Can you simply ask her why your son isn’t invited as it has really upset him, he thinks they are great friends. See what she says. Then egg the house.

😂

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Awoooga · 14/10/2022 20:17

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

Oooh I like this!

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fuckinghorgel · 14/10/2022 20:20

Hmm, weird.

Have there been any fall outs/fights between the boys? Is your son well behaved at parties/other peoples houses? How many kids was Ben allowed to invite?

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UnicornRainbowStars · 14/10/2022 20:20

can we all get invites … I have a feeling I think you m goth through the best parties

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SunshineClouds1 · 14/10/2022 20:21

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

This sounds good!

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Untitledsquatboulder · 14/10/2022 20:21

I think it's fine to not invite Ben. If they're not that close then better to encourage your ds to play with other children. Ben won't break cause he doesn't get to attend your ds' party.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:41

Bundlesofchocforme · 14/10/2022 19:25

I would go for 3.

Thank you!

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:42

Whistlesandbell · 14/10/2022 19:27

1&2

You are my spirit animal ❤️

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:45

SerenaTee · 14/10/2022 19:31

You are correct, you absolutely need help if you’re so emotional over a kids birthday party! Maybe Ben doesn’t feel as strongly as your DS as your DS feels about him, maybe Ben’s mum isn’t keen on encouraging the friendship, maybe they want to restrict numbers at the party and Ben prefers to invite other children over your DS?

Sometimes we are emotional, lack of emotion would mean we would all react exactly the same to every eventuality. I appreciate your comment but you did not answered the question what would you do?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:48

furrytampon · 14/10/2022 19:33

yes good idea, punish the child for his mum’s choice

I am sorry, I don’t understand I asked for advice?

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:50

Bundlesofchocforme · 14/10/2022 19:25

I would go for 3.

Thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:51

Whistlesandbell · 14/10/2022 19:27

1&2

Thank you 😂

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:51

TwiggletLover · 14/10/2022 19:31

I would ask Ben's Mum directly why DS has not been invited. Tell her how devastated your son has been and see what she says

Thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:52

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/10/2022 19:34

I don’t think you can do 2&3 without hurting Ben.

Can you simply ask her why your son isn’t invited as it has really upset him, he thinks they are great friends. See what she says. Then egg the house.

Thank you 😂 ❤️

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:53

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

This is amazing! This is the advice I need ❤️😂

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:55

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2022 19:35

Even if your son classes Ben as his 'best friend' are you sure it's mutual?

Potentially not which is also fine, but unfortunately they all play as a group and the full group was invited but him 😢 Thank you though

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Mariposista · 14/10/2022 20:55

Hahahahaha option 1 made me laugh so much. Just make sure the eggs are past their date 🤣🤣🤣
in all fairness, poor DS and poor Ben. His mother is commandeering his friendships and making his good friends upset. This is why birthdays are so much better as kids get older - the kids just sort it out themselves. But don’t punish Ben for his vile mother.

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:56

Whistlesandbell · 14/10/2022 19:35

Whatever you do it must involve an egging.

Haha they’ll be sold out! Thank you 😂

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:56

Playdoh42 · 14/10/2022 19:42

It's hurtful for you and your son and it's tempting to retaliate, but it won't achieve anything. The mum won't care. It's better to take the higher ground. Either option 3 or 4. If I were you I'd take option 4 but expect Ben not to show up.

Thank you

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MumofRon · 14/10/2022 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I am not unreasonable but I am potentially childish, which option would you choose?

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NerrSnerr · 14/10/2022 21:00

Mariposista · 14/10/2022 20:55

Hahahahaha option 1 made me laugh so much. Just make sure the eggs are past their date 🤣🤣🤣
in all fairness, poor DS and poor Ben. His mother is commandeering his friendships and making his good friends upset. This is why birthdays are so much better as kids get older - the kids just sort it out themselves. But don’t punish Ben for his vile mother.

Do we actually know that Ben's mum is vile? What if Ben doesn't feel the same about the OP's son and just invited other friends?

The OP hasn't responded to anyone mentioning Ben not being that into her son or other reasons why he might not be invited.

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