My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

AIBU no party invite

214 replies

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 19:21

I need help! I am furious! DS “best friend” has not invited him to his party again!

Best friend will be referred to as Ben

Backstory I work FT, studied for 2 years on weekends, so my DS birthday is a big deal for me. Meet parents, ensure my son has a great time, etc. Ben and DS share cousins my SIL married Bens uncle.

so last year he had a party, DS wasn’t invited I was more upset because she lied to my best friend on the playground saying they weren’t doing anything (best friend has child in other class)

I find out as nephew sleeps over and asks DS if he is going to party. DS is devastated.

this year same again but what makes it worse a friend asked me why we wasn’t there, his child recently moved to the school (been friends for years) and was invited

My DS STILL wants to invite Ben to his party.

i know there is nothing to do about it but I have many options. I am favouring the most immature right now so I need help on my options;

  1. Egg their house on Halloween and blame kids
  2. Pay ridiculous amounts to invite all children in class except him and have amazing invites I’m thinking sweet invites and personalised lanyards like really go crazy (I’m favouring this as I am a crap throw)
  3. invite only special friends from school - Ben not included
  4. the above but invite him

    i want the mum to feel how shit I feel right now, but I don’t want to upset Ben at the same time. please vote and help me
OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

1027 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 14/10/2022 22:31

After you've egged her house, rise above it and be the bigger person. Or find out where the party is and egg there too. If your DC wants to invite Ben then let him. 🥚

Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:32

Milesty1 · 14/10/2022 22:31

I actually really like the passive aggressive option above though! I’d do that. And then invite Ben so as not to do the same to him, it’s not his fault his mum is a tool.

Thank youu

OP posts:
Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:34

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 14/10/2022 22:31

After you've egged her house, rise above it and be the bigger person. Or find out where the party is and egg there too. If your DC wants to invite Ben then let him. 🥚

This seems the most reasonable option, thank you

OP posts:
Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:35

MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:34

This seems the most reasonable option, thank you

😂

OP posts:
Report
NotJustAnybody · 14/10/2022 22:36

When my DS had parties, I made it a rule that he had to invite kids that invited him to theirs. There were a couple of occasions he didn't get invited to parties and it's horrible to see him upset but they bounce back quickly. Accept that your DS has got over it. Be glad that your DS is going to grow into a well rounded person, accepting disappointments, being the bigger man.

Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:37

NotJustAnybody · 14/10/2022 22:36

When my DS had parties, I made it a rule that he had to invite kids that invited him to theirs. There were a couple of occasions he didn't get invited to parties and it's horrible to see him upset but they bounce back quickly. Accept that your DS has got over it. Be glad that your DS is going to grow into a well rounded person, accepting disappointments, being the bigger man.

Thank you very kind words

OP posts:
Report
Donthugme · 14/10/2022 22:42

Do you realise how selfish you sound? Not once have you thought about the poor chickens feelings. Tossing those poor eggs around Willy nilly a piece of meat. Can I suggest throwing a loaf of bread instead please? Preferably the half white half brown variety as I wouldn’t want anyone to feel excluded.

Report
CantFindTheBeat · 14/10/2022 22:44

I don't know the answer, OP, but I do know that leaving one friend out without any confirmed, unequivocal reason is REALLY SHIT PARENTING on Ben's mum's side, so I have decided I'm on your side.

The end x

Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:47

Donthugme · 14/10/2022 22:42

Do you realise how selfish you sound? Not once have you thought about the poor chickens feelings. Tossing those poor eggs around Willy nilly a piece of meat. Can I suggest throwing a loaf of bread instead please? Preferably the half white half brown variety as I wouldn’t want anyone to feel excluded.

i will only, if provoked, throw full free range eggs, however I have now decided it will now be toilet paper and only 100% biodegradable and recyclable. Thank you

OP posts:
Report
MumofRon · 14/10/2022 22:49

CantFindTheBeat · 14/10/2022 22:44

I don't know the answer, OP, but I do know that leaving one friend out without any confirmed, unequivocal reason is REALLY SHIT PARENTING on Ben's mum's side, so I have decided I'm on your side.

The end x

Thank you

OP posts:
Report
PassThePringles · 14/10/2022 23:03

Highlights12 · 14/10/2022 22:20

I'd invite Ben then egg his mum when she turns up with him😁

😂😂😂😂

Report
Cantdoitallperfectly · 14/10/2022 23:18

This happened to my DD in P1, All the girls were invited to a dance/disco type party EXCEPT for her. The mums were all discussing lifts and pick ups in the playground and I had to say that my DD hadn’t been invited.
As far as I know there had been no falling out, we had had the party girl over for a play date and I passed pleasantries with the DM when we were in the playground. To this day it still gives me a bit of a sting when I think about it. My DD was crushed and felt so excluded. I do actually wish, with the benefit of hindsight, that I had asked the DM why my Dd was left out.


I would egg her car and the house.

Report
Lesserspotteddogfish · 15/10/2022 00:45

Find out when it is and just turn up.

Report
NerrSnerr · 15/10/2022 13:21

CantFindTheBeat · 14/10/2022 22:44

I don't know the answer, OP, but I do know that leaving one friend out without any confirmed, unequivocal reason is REALLY SHIT PARENTING on Ben's mum's side, so I have decided I'm on your side.

The end x

The OP hasn't said that just one child has been left out. She has been deliberately vague about it. He may only have invited 5 friends and Ben may not think the OP's son is his best friend.

Report
Youdoyoutoday · 15/10/2022 14:00

1 then let it go

Report
BettySwallocks · 15/10/2022 18:05

If your DS wants Ben at his party then Ben should be invited.
It also makes you and your DS the better people

Report
GUARDIAN1 · 15/10/2022 18:19

I've said YANBU because I can well understand the emotions in this situation. To see our kids feeling hurt or disappointed is horrible, but I wouldn't do anything to retaliate. If your DS wants Ben at his party, invite him.

Report
Everyflippingusernameistaken · 15/10/2022 18:19

Option 3 would be my choice. But play it cool and don't let your son or anyone else know that you're fuming about it. If your son REALLY wants this little shit at his party, then I think you need to let him, and smile sweetly, whilst seething inside.

Report
Pupinski · 15/10/2022 18:41

4, obviously. Teach your son how to be the better person, and make Ben's mum feel guilty at the same time. Don't add fuel to the fire. Throw a blanket over it.

Report
Whatacarryonthisis · 15/10/2022 18:43

1 & 4

Report
NicolaSixSix · 15/10/2022 18:45

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:35

I'd actually go passive aggressive on this one.
"Hi Ben's mum, have Ben and DS fallen out do you know?"
"No, why?"
"I just wanted to check after you didn't invite DS to Ben's party, obviously I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with the birthday party invites this year so I won't invite Ben if they're not getting along."
I'm usually really direct, but this one really brought out the PA in me! 😮

Perfect!
have actually made a note of this future use if ever necessary 😂

Report
JestersTear · 15/10/2022 18:45

Sorry if this has already been suggested but if you invite Ben, then you can watch the dynamic between your DS and him and be able to judge how friendly they are.
Also, another vote for egging!

Report

Newsletters you might like

Discover Exclusive Savings!

Sign up to our Money Saver newsletter now and receive exclusive deals and hot tips on where to find the biggest online bargains, tailored just for Mumsnetters.

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Parent-Approved Gems Await!

Subscribe to our weekly Swears By newsletter and receive handpicked recommendations for parents, by parents, every Sunday.

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Bella37 · 15/10/2022 18:56

2

Report
SamTamit · 15/10/2022 19:11

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It is a crappy thing to do to a kid. I would offer another option; one that also teaches DS an important lesson about communication and navigating friendships.
Encourage him to talk to his friend about he feels when he wasn’t invited. Whatever the outcome, let him choose who he wants at his party.

Report
Happyher · 15/10/2022 19:12

It’s DS’s party so if he wants Ben there you should invite him. If Ben’s parents are rude and thoughtless that’s not his fault. You could still egg their house

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.