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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pick up DD from work at 11 mid week

221 replies

warofthemonstertrucks · 11/10/2022 22:20

Dd is 16 and has recently got a job in a hotel (waitressing) which is about a five minute drive from her Dads house and a 20 minute drive from mine (she is with us 65% of the time).
I work full time and we've three other kids. I'm knackered as it is and now Dd has picked up two week days shifts 5-11. Which means I have to go and get her when she finishes when she is at mine. A 40 minute round trip getting back at 11.20pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'm really pleased she got the job and she is doing great at saving her wages. But the pick ups are an absolute killer for me. A cab would be about £25 unfortunately and I wouldn't feel super happy with her in a taxi on her own at that time of night really anyway.

Currently sitting in my pyjamas waiting to leave to go and pick her up, trying to keep my eyes open.

WIBU to tell her she can't work til this late during the week? I want to support her but I also need to get some sleep.

OP posts:
PrunellaMcTat · 11/10/2022 22:22

Fine to say no.
Sleep is important.
I do a lot for my teens but I wouldn't be able to do that. I need my sleep to function well for the whole family.

phishy · 11/10/2022 22:22

YANBU. She should change her shifts to when she is at her dad’s.

Nip it in the bud now before this becomes a thing.

MarshaMelrose · 11/10/2022 22:22

Why doesn't she just stay at her dads those two nights?

Reallyreallyborednow · 11/10/2022 22:22

Well the obvious answer is she stays at her dads. Any reason why she isn’t?

can she get lifts from workmates?

at 16 though I’d suck it up and go get her. It’s only twice a week and 11.30 isn’t that late.

CoughCoughCoughh · 11/10/2022 22:23

I had a job at this age which finished a bit earlier than your daughters. And my Mom was sure to let me know how unhappy she was about having to drop me off and pick me up. It left me feeling very guilty amongst other things. Please support your daughter and ride out this short period, she has done an amazing thing getting a job and some income for herself. In the meantime could you help her find another job with more suitable hours?

aluminiumwaterbottle · 11/10/2022 22:24

She should ask her dad if he can pick her up so she can stay at his after those shifts. Put your foot down and say you won’t be doing it. Surely her dad would prefer her staying at his to getting a taxi?

rookiemere · 11/10/2022 22:24

I feel your pain OP, I'd really struggle to stay up that late on week nights.

NoSquirrels · 11/10/2022 22:26

She could get a taxi back to her dads if he wouldn’t pick her up.

I don’t see why at 16 she can’t coordinate her late shifts with staying at her dad’s house. Sounds perfect as a job if she can do that.

SnarkyBag · 11/10/2022 22:26

Sod that!

Original poster
warofthemonstertrucks · 11/10/2022 22:29

He won't have her when it's not his nights. We are living in a rented house for a year or so whilst our house (which would be a bit nearer) is rebuilt after we had a huge house fire. The rented house is pretty rural
So no nearer jobs for her and it would be very out for the way for her workmates.

I'm a social worker and I need to be in work at 8 tomorrow as I'm covering duty desk. Between the and now I've to get Dd, get some sleep, walk the dogs snd do the school run for two of the four kids.

Ugh. I know I need to be supportive but I just want to go to beeeeeeed Sad

OP posts:
swapcicles · 11/10/2022 22:29

I have to pick dd up at 10, think 11 would kill me although you could get a bit of sleep beforehand I guess?
I have been known to get in at 6, nap for a bit then get up a bit later ready to go get her.
Once she's driving you'll be up anyway worrying about her drive home so still no sleep.
If she could go to her dad's on at least one night that would help If she can.

TimeForTeaAndG · 11/10/2022 22:31

At 16 is she legally allowed to be working that late on a school night?

aluminiumwaterbottle · 11/10/2022 22:32

Why won’t he have her? That sounds unreasonable of him. She’s 16. It’s not like he has to bath her and put her to bed is it? Allowing her to stay at his so she can safely do those evenings shifts is basic thing you’d expect a parent to do for a 16 year old child.

MarshaMelrose · 11/10/2022 22:32

If his daughter asked to stay, her dad would say no. Because he only wants her 35% of the time?!!

What a shithead!!

Original poster
warofthemonstertrucks · 11/10/2022 22:32

Yes she can work 8 hours before midnight

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2022 22:33

Thing is your job is important too - more important - and picking her up is compromising your ability to do it.

Youll have to tell dd that she can’t work these shifts during your time with her. It’s just not possible.

Her dad is a bit rubbish to limit when a 16 yo can be with him though.

Reallyreallyborednow · 11/10/2022 22:33

Between the and now I've to get Dd, get some sleep, walk the dogs snd do the school run for two of the four kids

so dd gets up early and walks the dogs in exchange for the lifts.

do you have a partner? Can they help?

NoSquirrels · 11/10/2022 22:33

He won't have her when it's not his nights.

Then she needs to only agree to work late shifts on nights she’s at her dad’s.

But if it was a case of her getting a taxi back to his and letting herself in with a key & going to bed - so no effort on his part - couldn’t she persuade him?

Original poster
warofthemonstertrucks · 11/10/2022 22:34

He works away a bit to be fair so wouldn't be convenient and has his girlfriend there or goes to hers when our kids aren't there. So he isn't always around.

OP posts:
Krabapple · 11/10/2022 22:34

I sent think an under 18 year old can legally work after 10. That was the case for my dc just a couple of years ago.

Cece92 · 11/10/2022 22:36

I'm sure there is a limit to what time she can work? I'm sure there was a 16 years old at my old job (supermarket) and she was scheduled to work 6.30-10.30 but turns out she wasn't allowed to work past 10pm. X

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/10/2022 22:36

We had this dilemma. Our student son finishes at 2am some shifts, there’s no public transport.
he bought a bike with his first month’s salary, problem solved.

justasking111 · 11/10/2022 22:38

16 with GCSEs mine were allowed to work weekends and holidays not in term time. But I get the late night I'd be sitting outside the pub while ds was inside cleaning ready for the morning trying to stay awake. I'd get home and be wide awake again

HappyBinosaur · 11/10/2022 22:39

I pick up my ds16 from work at 11pm midweek but it’s only 5 minutes away and it’s not every week.
If it was further I’d be asking him to ask to finish earlier or get a taxi.

At weekends we have an 11pm limit rule and if it’s ever any later (which it hasn’t been yet) he will get a taxi out of his own wages.

Musti · 11/10/2022 22:41

Tell her she can only do shifts when she’s at her dad’s or at least one of her shifts must be then.

My 16 year old also works in a hotel until 11 and I live 15 mins away. But her dad and I tend to take it in turns and sometimes it is the morning or daytime weekend shifts.

I’m a night owl and don’t have to be up before 7:30 but it is hard going out at 11 although it is a good chance for a 1-2-1 catch up