To not want to pick up DD from work at 11 mid week

[warofthemonstertrucks]

Dd is 16 and has recently got a job in a hotel (waitressing) which is about a five minute drive from her Dads house and a 20 minute drive from mine (she is with us 65% of the time).
I work full time and we've three other kids. I'm knackered as it is and now Dd has picked up two week days shifts 5-11. Which means I have to go and get her when she finishes when she is at mine. A 40 minute round trip getting back at 11.20pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'm really pleased she got the job and she is doing great at saving her wages. But the pick ups are an absolute killer for me. A cab would be about £25 unfortunately and I wouldn't feel super happy with her in a taxi on her own at that time of night really anyway.

Currently sitting in my pyjamas waiting to leave to go and pick her up, trying to keep my eyes open.

WIBU to tell her she can't work til this late during the week? I want to support her but I also need to get some sleep.

@Cece92 I think the legal limit for my ds’s workplace is 11pm for 16 year olds. He also shift length limits.
He also only ever works one school night a week (his choice) and they’ve been very accommodating. He is nearly 17 and quite good at managing his school work.

I'd do it for my teens. My parents never drove me anywhere and I massively went the other way as a parent. However, would her dad give her a lift sometimes? You're doing a 40 min round trip, depending on directions it couldn't be more than a 50 min trip for him?

She should have discussed this with you before taking the shifts. You’ve got a job and 3 other children who all rely on you. You’re daft to have agreed to this, it’s not fair on anyone else. No midweek shifts unless she’s staying at dad’s, or she arranges a lift or pays for her own taxi.

Go halves on the taxi and use a rank which is DBS checked or has women drivers. Staying on the phone to her while she’s being driven is another option

You didn’t have to accept your mum’s help, or put her out by taking a job she’d have to facilitate it without talking to her first. She still did what you wanted, she was probably exhausted. Expecting her to be happy about it is a bit rich.

Op it is called being a parent. Your dd is being responsible getting a job. Sorry but you are being unreasonable. My son had a job in a restaurant and i never considered it was a nuisance to pick him up. Would you rather she didn't have a job? You wanted her you look after her simple.

@Reallyreallyborednow

for me it's not the 'getting home' time, it's not being able to completely relax before going, having to go out, then it takes me so long to wind down when I get home. She's fast asleep & I'm still wide awake 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

@warofthemonstertrucks how come this wasn't discussed before she accepted the job?

why can't she stay at her Dads those nights?

Could she get a moped? Legal to ride at 16 once passed CBT.

@Yesnoormaybe

what????

'looking after her' doesn't mean being at her beck & call no matter what.

op needs her sleep. She has younger children that need looking after.

if a teen gets a job, there has to be discussion over getting there and home and NO, parents do not have to sacrifice their own health to accommodate them.

Sorry OP but Ive been there and done it. Yes its rubbish but remember she is just starting out and doesn’t drive and has also done well do get herself a job which I think is a great way to get a good work ethic

Twice a week is a pain but better than 5

Sorry OP I understand your frustration but think of it as a short term thing.

Ask if there any way she can work an earlier shift maybe?

I would just pick her up. It’s not for ever. She has good work ethic which can’t be taught.

She's 16, if she wants to work late on her nights with you she needs to get a taxi or make other safe arrangements (like a lift with a friend or staying with her dad) or she needs to swap her shifts or say she can only stay until 10.

You could surely agree that she pre books a taxi with a reputable company (agreed by you) and takes a photo of the licence and texts it to you when she gets in.

Or could she get a moped?

Totally agree. Poor teenagers can’t do right for doing wrong these days.
Remember who will be ferrying you about when you are too old to drive…

Is a moped an option? She can get her licence to drive one as she is 16.

At 16 I used to work 5-11 at McDonalds and it was a similar journey for my parents. I'm really grateful they did it for me without complaint!

I would do it but I'm never in bed before 11. And if you live rurally you have to expect to do lifts until dc can drive.

Could there be a compromise- only one night a week when she's at yours?

We had this with DD, she had a job that was supposed to finish before the last bus at midnight, but they kept keeping her late, if she didn't stay then she missed the tips being dished out. So I was traipsing out at after midnight. I was utterly exhausted, so was she, so she didn't last longer than a few months. I'm not sure how much longer I'd have managed it so I sympathise with you hugely.

I've no issue with the pick up at weekends though it does mean I can't go out really (or I always have to drive anyway).

'It's called being a parent'
Oh do give over. I'm
Also a parent to three other kids, 15-7, and when I'm at work it's called being an employee-and it's better for an employee to be not knackered isn't it?

She picked up the shifts as she was asked to, and she didn't like to say no really. Plus she likes the money I guess.

She also daren't say she can only stay til 10...

I haven't complained to her in any way at all. I've complained on an anonymous Internet forum 🤷🏽‍♀️

Has she left school? In which case if she takes shifts she needs to be able to get herself there and back. If she’s still at school she shouldn’t be working 5-11 two nights a week.

I used to sleep 10-11.15 then drive pick DS up at 11.45, and be back in bed by 12.15 but I know that's not for everyone.

My parents picked us up without complaint and I'd plan to do the same when the time comes.
It's before midnight and only twice a week, as a PP says you could ask her to do the early dog walk.
If it's that much of a struggle tell her you can only do one evening per week. It would be a shame for her, although sounds like the rural location won't be forever. Parents who actively choose a rural location really should facilitate work/social life for teens.

Personally I don’t think a moped or cycling home on a route that would be a 20 minute drive is statistically any safer than a taxi where she can be on the phone the whole time.

Is she still at school?
I wouldn't allow mine to get a job finishing that late on a week night while still at school. It's too disruptive for the whole family and they need to realise this.

Once they're a bit older and can be responsible for getting themselves home then that's totally different.
Can she change her days to weekends?

Cycling a 20min drive would take too long at 11pm. Moped isn’t safer than a taxi but it means OP wouldn’t have to drive her and still take around 20mins.

Her dad sounds a bit shit focussing only on his days. Not exactly great parenting. If you only have to be in for 8 then it’s not a really late night to do a quick pick up to ensure she’s safe.