To not want to pick up DD from work at 11 mid week

[warofthemonstertrucks]

Dd is 16 and has recently got a job in a hotel (waitressing) which is about a five minute drive from her Dads house and a 20 minute drive from mine (she is with us 65% of the time).
I work full time and we've three other kids. I'm knackered as it is and now Dd has picked up two week days shifts 5-11. Which means I have to go and get her when she finishes when she is at mine. A 40 minute round trip getting back at 11.20pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'm really pleased she got the job and she is doing great at saving her wages. But the pick ups are an absolute killer for me. A cab would be about £25 unfortunately and I wouldn't feel super happy with her in a taxi on her own at that time of night really anyway.

Currently sitting in my pyjamas waiting to leave to go and pick her up, trying to keep my eyes open.

WIBU to tell her she can't work til this late during the week? I want to support her but I also need to get some sleep.

I don't understand this, so where you live majority of kids get A*s and 1sts. I don't believe it TBH. Do you have no minimum wage workers or people doing 'middle management' level jobs. All brain surgeons clearly who assist themselves in surgery and clean the operating room after 🤷‍♀️

Can she get a job closer to home?

No we don't have any minimum wage workers, but so what?

If you can possibly avoid it, OBVIOUSLY it is far better for a few years for most A level students to only take on hours that fit around their studies. If your dc do an hour a day studying that is a matter for them. Others are definitely working much harder. Not everyone will have the option of course, but it sounds like a choice for op.

You seem to have taken such offence to the idea that students are working hard to achieve great grades, and we most definitely have plenty of friends' children that achieved firsts and great results. Not exactly breaking news if the students are conscientious and well supported.

I suspect no other students want to compromise their studies which is why the shifts are available in the first place.

I don't consider a B to be a spectacular result to be honest. I am happy for you if you are pleased.

But, it isnt like your kids are doing all that well. After all, achieving the highest grade possible is simply "average".

Come on. Do better.

@Kissingfrogs25

Top grade is A. Next grade is B.
None of this A* stuff.

And you think it is "average" to get the top grade in all subjects except one, where you get the 2nd highest grade?

Can you share a link showing that average grades in the UK are the highest grade possible?

@Kissingfrogs25 what do you mean you have no minimum wage workers? In your whole country?

Getting a 1st does not ensure a highly paid job. Obviously you are not intelligent enough to think outside the box. I got As and Bs and outel earn many of my friends who have degrees and gained 1sts. Your attitude is so bizarre and narrow minded.

This means nothing really, some kids have to work far harder than others to get the grades, the fact that others can study less and therefore fit in paid work isn't a measure of their worth.
DD'S school recommends students work no more than 6hrs a week. Her school achieves less than the average results, some subjects never get A grades, let alone A*. School is trying to clamp down on student working, but the reality is many here are struggling financially, so have to work, these are unfortunatley the students that often need to put in the extra time on schoolwork.
DD has a disability that means she has to put a lot of effort into achieving at school, I hope she isn't penalised for seeming to have no work ethic as she gave up her job.

DS2 has a disability also so like your DD he will have to do more work to pass his exams. He will want to do some work so whether that is a night a week volunteering or some weekend work he will work his studies round it. It isn't possible to study every minute of their spare time anyway.

My response was at the poster who says DCs need to achieve A*s across the board only. My opinion is that there are so many variations to this, including those who have to work extremely hard to get Cs, those who get average grades but gain experience in other areas such as working, sports and music and also those that can manage it all and get top grades. Personally for me a DC with no disabilities at all doing nothing but studying is not particularly impressive.

If you can’t do it then she can quit her job and concentrate on her education instead, if you are happy to financially support her in the way she needs you to do.

Also there are so few DCs who actually need A*s to get onto their next course of choice it's kind or irrelevant as is essentially the top 2%.

Just to reply to some of the points

Her dad wouldn't mind her staying there if he wasn't there-but if he wasn't about she'd still have to get home to his-down a Dark and lonely road, albeit a shorter journey that to mine, very late at night. More doable with lifts maybe but still not ideal. If he is there, he is with his girlfriend and that's his time, as he sees it, unless organised well in advance.

Taxis are not an option as they don't really exist around us at the moment without a lot of pre booking and even then they often cancel last minute and if you get one it would cost £30 which would wipe lots of her wages.

A moped is an idea but she isn't keen-it's a long and dark wind-ey road back.

She gets £10 an hour so good money.
She is a grade a student and has lots of free time a couple of days a week as she only has two periods of lessons-just the way her timetable
Works-so catches up then and on weekend days she isn't working (she will usually only work one weekend day). I'm
Not concerned re he studies at all tbh. I worked similarly at that age (but I could walk to and from work). She has always stayed up late naturally and doesn't seem to be tired at all! Opposite of me-I'm a very early riser naturally but I really struggle if I go to bed any later than 10 tbh (if I HAVE to get up early I mean-I need the compensation hours in before midnight-it's just the way I'm wired I guess, we're all different).

I do have a DP but he works in London a lot and often has to take the early train/is back late. He does help where he can. But we have four kids at school in three different towns currently (dd1 at sixth form, dd2 at high school in the next town over as she was getting bullied at the school her sister still attends, and 2 DS's at primary in the next village). Plus as stated, added complexity of being further away from all that as we are not in our own house right now-when we are things work better in terms of busses and commutes etc.

I am going to ask her to drop one shift mid week and I'll pick her up from the other one, and the weekend ones as I have been doing.
I'm currently having ten mins lunch at my desk and I just feel tired out, so something has to give.

She still gets her allowance from me-so I do still support her. Her wages go into savings (about half) and clothes the rest.

could she reduce both the shifts to 5-9.30pm? That would get you back home for 10. or maybe just reduce one of the shifts?

Good update, OP. Sounds more than reasonable.

Sounds a very reasonable compromise. She sounds a lovely hardworking girl.

Moped to her dads or electric bike then let herself in with key.

That's not right my 17 yr old works at a well known fast food place till half 12 some nights. They wouldn't be able to get away with it if it was against the rules for sure they are a massive company

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/check-your-rights-at-work-if-youre-under-18/

Applies to yr 12 and 13 students (Op says her dc is yr12)

I feel your pain. I pick up one child at 9pm 3 times a week and another at 10pm twice a week. It's a pita and means I rarely have an evening when I can have a beer but work has been so good for their sense of independence and responsibility both mentally and financially I feel it's worth it.