To not want to pick up DD from work at 11 mid week

[warofthemonstertrucks]

Dd is 16 and has recently got a job in a hotel (waitressing) which is about a five minute drive from her Dads house and a 20 minute drive from mine (she is with us 65% of the time).
I work full time and we've three other kids. I'm knackered as it is and now Dd has picked up two week days shifts 5-11. Which means I have to go and get her when she finishes when she is at mine. A 40 minute round trip getting back at 11.20pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'm really pleased she got the job and she is doing great at saving her wages. But the pick ups are an absolute killer for me. A cab would be about £25 unfortunately and I wouldn't feel super happy with her in a taxi on her own at that time of night really anyway.

Currently sitting in my pyjamas waiting to leave to go and pick her up, trying to keep my eyes open.

WIBU to tell her she can't work til this late during the week? I want to support her but I also need to get some sleep.

I suspect as she’s new she’s getting more midweek shifts as weekends are probably more popular with existing teen staff and more lucrative (more tips if busier)

I’d encourage her to speak to manager and see if she can get 1 midweek and 1 weekend but it’s tricky when they are newest and only 16. If they know she is struggling to get home they may be more helpful if they’re got her down as lift then they might be thinking there’s no issue.

They aren’t in school full time in yr 12 - they have study periods. Mine finishes at 11.15 am on a Weds so picking up a 5-11pm shift isn’t impacting her. She wouldn’t be asleep anyway. Difference is it’s at end of street so no commute, an no early start as she goes to school locally.

Mine works 1 or 2 shifts a week (max 5 or 6 hours a shift inc a break). I’ve been very encouraging if it. She’s learning to deal with public, colleagues, manager. Managing her shifts on app. It’s paying well and supplementing her allowance off us plus I’m encouraging some saving for Uni.

It’s not affecting her academically at all she’s a top grade student.

That is fairly average.

The problem will be that you probably won't know the impact of the very late nights and lost study hours until it is too late, at her mocks perhaps and that will be the predicted grades she will need for her university choices. You haven't got as much time as you think between now and the predicted grade stage.

I would be saying no to the week nights, to preserve your sanity and to guide her to prioritise her education at such a key junction in her life, that said not everyone is academic and many may choose not to go university, and the added skills learnt in a work place are more valuable.

@Kissingfrogs25

Do you know the Scottish school system?
It isnt highers anymore but when it was, you could take 8 standard stages and 5 highers. A lot of people take fewer subjects.

A 1 is the highest. An A is the highest.
Getting 8 ones and 4 As and a B is not average. Dont be so bloody stupid.

• it isnt standard grades anymore.

It’s very normal for six formers to work here and we are in a ‘nice’ area with m/c families fwiw. DD’s at a high achieving grammar and most of her peers are working Pt. Not every night but a couple of shifts. Waitress/fast food/after school club/little posh supermarket. Most pay way above minimum wage for 16 yr olds.
I think they recommend 5 hrs independent study yr12 per subject so 15 hours for 3 A levels. They get 4 or 5 hours study periods a week free so fitting in another 10 hours isn’t a lot.
Obviously depends on commute to school, hobbies, how much socialising and job location.

for those saying get a moped, is it really sensible for a 16yo girl to be driving on a moped at 11pm at night?
For a 20 minute ride home why not?
It’s hardly unheard of. It was really common decades ago when I was a teenager and it was still a popular option for many of DS friends recently until they passed their driving test.

You haven't got as much time as you think between now and the predicted grade stage

it’s not the o/p who’s doing the a’levels. It’s her dd.

I would be saying no to the week nights, to preserve your sanity and to guide her to prioritise her education at such a key junction in her life, that said not everyone is academic and many may choose not to go university, and the added skills learnt in a work place are more valuable

while the o/p has some input if she’s transport, it’s the DD’s choice to work, and figure out if it’s impacting on her studies. I worked during my a’levels (and GCSE’s) and the mental break was essential.

friend’s mum stopped her dd from doing her sport during GCSE’s and a’levels. Was counterproductive as kid never got a break from school/home/study, and also got resentful so did less work kicking back at the pressure to be constantly studying.

it also looks good on CV personal statement if she can time manage studies and a job.

She might be fine. I worked from 13, weekends, and evenings when allowed under the law. And all through college and uni and with no issues
Gradually built up to 3 shifts a week when at uni, and FT in the holidays
Normal in my circle

Ignore @Kissingfrogs25

She thinks that getting the highest grade possible in every subject you sit except 1, is average.

That's not someone to take advice from regarding studying and working. That's someone whose children will never live up to expectation no matter what they do.

@Kissingfrogs25 most kids don't do 2/3 hrs study a night, that's ridiculous so I wouldn't be taking that into consideration 🙄

I would be way more impressed with teens who work during their studies whilst achieving the grades they need, much better for them to be well rounded and hard working. A string of 9s with no more strings to their bow is pointless for 99% of people.

Haha, how is that average FFS. Is this a wind up

It is standard here thanks

Most students work and complete work experience in the school holidays, so there is less impact on their studies. It makes no difference in terms of social experience, but makes a world of difference when they are studying hard in the term time.

hi, feel your pain! my DS got a job at a hotel where there was zero public transport options. 10/15mins in car, or long, dark cycle home,. also, his shifts often got extended and extended. So, he ended up a getting a job which he could actually get himself to & from safely without needing a mum-taxi. I was happy to help sometimes, but not every bloody shift. Any more local options, or places where there is a safe way home later?

Maybe just stop.

You think that the highest grades possible are average. You think that studying every night for 3 hours is standard.

Neither of these things are true.

And recruitment officers do prefer to see someone with evidence of good time management rather than someone who has only had an occasional holiday job.

Good for you. Maybe your DCs are not that bright then as 'round here' they don't need to study for 3 hrs a night to do well.

Work experience is in no way a replacement for actual working,what nonsense.

I don't agree that they must all work, they have at least fifty/sixty years of employment ahead of them - why disadvantage them so early on and potentially prevent a good career/job prospects in the long term for a temp low paid job 🤔

exactly, it’s early on. If they don’t get the grades now for whatever reason they can go back and access HE later on. A’levels aren’t the only way to access good careers.

YAB a bit U I think. DD1 has had a job since she was 16 and sometimes needs picking up at 10.30pm once or twice a week. Now she's 17, learning to drive and we have insured her on our little car (ouch), so eventually she be able to get herself to and from work.

We do share it between us though (DH and I) so her dad should definitely also be involved - especially as he lives much nearer to her work.

I used to wash up in a pub kitchen about 3/4 miles from home and down a country road so not many buses. Most of the time my mum picked me up until I coudl drive there myself.

Yeah. If your kid needs to study 3 hours every night, and I think you mentioned weekend studying as well @Kissingfrogs25, then they're not equipped for university.

They should be able to get good grades in their exams without their entire life becoming about school. If they cant, then they're going to struggle.

Recruitment officers?!

I haven't seen one of them outside of army listings for twenty years.
We are in different places.
Students here easily do 2-3 hours of study a night, plus time for some exercise/sports. It is totally standard. An evening job would be detrimental term time. Holidays are fine.
We have high expectations in this part of the world, and strangely enough it seems to pay off. Unlike other parts of the UK where attainment is not so high.

And yet they do seem to come out of university with joint firsts.
So their work ethic does seem to pay off!
They also have an amazing time in some of the best universities, it is not a terrible strategy and seems to work well for most people we know.

DD1 is on for 3A* at A level by the way. She works 10 hours a week and if anything her job helps her organise her studies better. She also gets a really good wage - 21+ living wage, and is able to save some money towards university.

I wouldn't have spent the time studying if I hadn't worked during my A-Levels. I'd just have spent more money going out or mooning about in my bedroom.

@Kissingfrogs25

Universities have recruitment officers and recruitment advisors etc.

You still haven't answered. How is getting the top grade possible "average".
Scotland doesn't have the same grading system. We didnt do A* or any of that. A was the highest. In standard grades, a 1 was the highest.

Literally, you cannot get higher grades. So, please explain to me why that is average?

You realise that people in Scotland also do very well? Do you think we are in Outlander and are centuries behind you english lot in a "better part of the world."