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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?

222 replies

Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 19:39

Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?

OP posts:
HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 19:43

This reply has been deleted

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Jemimapuddleduk · 09/10/2022 19:46

Parents of children with disabilities often have no choice in this.

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 19:46

No problem- the world today is not easy for children to become financially independent -

ZaZathecat · 09/10/2022 19:48

I would be happy to have them, but sad that, for whatever reason - maybe money or illness - they were unable to live an independent life.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 09/10/2022 19:48

Definitely not!

SnarkyBag · 09/10/2022 19:48

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“Unless there’s something wrong with you”

How charmingly put

littlemisscreative · 09/10/2022 19:49

I'd rather they lived with me and saved up their money for a house then they go renting what's the point of them renting if I'm also renting/mortgage it will just prolong them being financially independent themselves.

DarlingDarwin · 09/10/2022 19:49

Nope.

oldestmumaintheworld · 09/10/2022 19:50

Leaving home is a rite of passage for children and parents and I believe is essential for both of them to have a healthy adult relationship. It's difficult if your child is disabled or has special needs but even then most will get there in the end.

Ikeameatballs · 09/10/2022 19:50

Up to 25, or for very short term after that eg relocation, relationship breakdown, gap between tenancy fine. I think after that it’s very hard for everyone to live independent lives and get on. I know I couldn’t have done it with my parents !

avocadotofu · 09/10/2022 19:50

I'd rather they live with me after uni and save for a deposit.

dandelionthistle · 09/10/2022 19:54

It's an interesting question. I'm in my mid thirties and my mother quite fiercely shoved my sister and I out of the door at around 20.

My children are primary school aged and I'm torn between thinking 'of course I'd let them stay as long as they needed' vs already looking forward to an empty nest! I feel theoretically comfortable with up to say 25 and less comfortable thereafter. But it's many years off for me and i may be being unrealistic.

AuntSalli · 09/10/2022 19:56

Actually wouldn’t bother me in the slightest and I do have the room. It would bother me for them.

Neverfullycharged · 09/10/2022 19:57

ZaZathecat · 09/10/2022 19:48

I would be happy to have them, but sad that, for whatever reason - maybe money or illness - they were unable to live an independent life.

This is how I would feel.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/10/2022 19:58

Depends where they were in life- my friends lived at home and saved, able to buy their first homes in their early 30s. As long as they work, save and are respectful of the home I wouldn’t care or think of it as a failure. Makes more sense than paying rent if can be avoided.

magma32 · 09/10/2022 19:58

It’s normal in my culture to stay with parents until financially ready or when you get married to move out as long as while they were living with me they were saving up for a house deposit with or without a partner. The only time I will allow them to stay with me with no future plans is if they have additional needs or they could stay temporarily if they lost their job etc, relationship breakdown, mental health but even then I would expect them to try their best and contribute (not necessarily financially) basically not use the house as a hotel and always have future plans.

tickticksnooze · 09/10/2022 19:59

oldestmumaintheworld · 09/10/2022 19:50

Leaving home is a rite of passage for children and parents and I believe is essential for both of them to have a healthy adult relationship. It's difficult if your child is disabled or has special needs but even then most will get there in the end.

Other cultures manage to have healthy relationships in multi-generational households.

Mossstitch · 09/10/2022 19:59

I don't understand the mumsnet obsession with this nor the horror that adult children are happy to live with their parents (although single lady in this case and I take it as a compliment that my sons haven't left at earliest opportunity seeing as how I married very young to get away from home🤦). I know 40 odd year olds that live in house shares with strangers, surely with the cost of living crisis if you get on its much better/cheaper to live with mum🤷 my youngest has never left and my middle son has just asked if he can come back (both in their 30s), eldest left about 27 but only because his job took him abroad.

Stinkbag · 09/10/2022 19:59

I have children with disabilities - one will never be independent, the other will need a lot of support. It is what it is!

The poster who said ‘something wrong with them’ needs to learn what empathy and manners are.

Amazongirl9 · 09/10/2022 19:59

Happy to have them at home if they aren't taking advantage and using the situation wisely to save etc. or because living independently isn't an option due to finances, prohibitive cost of housing (SE), health, relationship issues etc. If all of the bases are covered I do think independence is healthy and best for the parents and children. I would never judge someone else's situation though, and I'm lucky mine are sorted or on their way. But if something went wrong and they needed to stay here that would be fine too.

Annabananna1 · 09/10/2022 19:59

I don't want my children living with me in to adulthood (26+) unless very good reason or for a short time.
However I completely accept and appreciate that it will be on us as parents to help them get started. That means deposit to buy a flat. And living with us for a while to save.
My children are at primary school but I'm already feeling worried about it.

Pretty much everyone I know who is financially stable had had help from parents in their 20s.

IncessantNameChanger · 09/10/2022 20:00

I wouldn't mind as long as it was a step to moving upwards.

However my 18 year old currently makes me feel like I'm a guest in his house so it all depends on the kid as well. He would drive me mad. I'm gritting my teeth waiting for his gap year plans to move beyound spending everyday in his bedroom....

Jjones8 · 09/10/2022 20:00

No. That would be a major fail.

Derbee · 09/10/2022 20:01

Currently would like my baby to live with us forever! But as a PP said, if they were working, saving and respectful of our home, I’d rather they bought in their 30s than rented in their 20s and maybe forever

Carrotzen · 09/10/2022 20:01

If they needed to because of relationship breakdown/health/disabilities then I'd be okay with it. My children will always have a home if they need it

But I think into your 30s you need your own space. Everyone at some point has to become the parent in this scenario, and I think it becomes hard to grow up if you never move out. I would be sad if my child was living at home in their late 20s/30s for no reason because I think they have missed out on a lot. And would encourage my child to move out and live independently.

If someone is living at home I'd expect them to fully pull their weight in terms of housework, shopping and pay some rent.

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