AIBU?
How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?
Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 19:39
Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
yellowbananasss · 09/10/2022 22:51
@HighlandPony a few people have asked you to clarify who you are calling a 'wrong un' or what you class as 'something wrong with you' - you are spectacularly missing the point that many of the people who live at home for far longer than you deem acceptable is because they are disabled. There is no area in the U.K. that is free from disability (as you keep claiming what your saying is related to where you live - there are disabled people living everywhere).
Your language is very ableist, derogatory and inflammatory and I would be ashamed of these views.
HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 23:17
yellowbananasss · 09/10/2022 22:51
@HighlandPony a few people have asked you to clarify who you are calling a 'wrong un' or what you class as 'something wrong with you' - you are spectacularly missing the point that many of the people who live at home for far longer than you deem acceptable is because they are disabled. There is no area in the U.K. that is free from disability (as you keep claiming what your saying is related to where you live - there are disabled people living everywhere).
Your language is very ableist, derogatory and inflammatory and I would be ashamed of these views.
🤣 ashamed? Me? Nope never. What else would you call it then? I’ve already clarified. A “wrong un” refers to the ones who are constantly in and out of jail, on drugs, dealing drugs to feed habits, housebreaking, nicking cars, shoplifting to order etc - my own family have some of those fwiw so no judgment on the families.
Yes yes there are two disabled folk in my village, ones ten and will probably have to go into residential care as she’s the youngest and it’s doubtful her parents will manage her as she gets older and them in their fifties and sixties and I can’t see her siblings managing either. She’s got four uncles, an auntie and two grannies in the village too who won’t manage either. The other is an adult with some kind of learning difficulty who lives with his gran and grandad coz his mums incapable. He’s five years younger than me and he’s the only one of his siblings who wasn’t adopted out. Most disabled folk here are old folk. Who live mostly independently.
This isn’t a place where loads of folk stay on at school and go to uni - that’s very much a minority. Most folk here leave at 15 or sixteen and get a trade, go to college for something vocational or bugger off to sea either on a fishing boat or an oil rig. folk start their adult lives as soon as they can quit school. They settle down younger and for a lot of us we will die younger. It’s life. It’s our life.
Bagpuss2022 · 09/10/2022 23:23
I married very young a teen bride to escape a horrific home life, My home will always be open to our DC eldest has had the taste of freedom he’s in last year of uni and loves having his own place.
if they took the piss then they would be told but it’s hard especially these days to get on the property ladder
Thegreenballoon · 09/10/2022 23:28
HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 23:17
🤣 ashamed? Me? Nope never. What else would you call it then? I’ve already clarified. A “wrong un” refers to the ones who are constantly in and out of jail, on drugs, dealing drugs to feed habits, housebreaking, nicking cars, shoplifting to order etc - my own family have some of those fwiw so no judgment on the families.
Yes yes there are two disabled folk in my village, ones ten and will probably have to go into residential care as she’s the youngest and it’s doubtful her parents will manage her as she gets older and them in their fifties and sixties and I can’t see her siblings managing either. She’s got four uncles, an auntie and two grannies in the village too who won’t manage either. The other is an adult with some kind of learning difficulty who lives with his gran and grandad coz his mums incapable. He’s five years younger than me and he’s the only one of his siblings who wasn’t adopted out. Most disabled folk here are old folk. Who live mostly independently.
This isn’t a place where loads of folk stay on at school and go to uni - that’s very much a minority. Most folk here leave at 15 or sixteen and get a trade, go to college for something vocational or bugger off to sea either on a fishing boat or an oil rig. folk start their adult lives as soon as they can quit school. They settle down younger and for a lot of us we will die younger. It’s life. It’s our life.
yellowbananasss · 09/10/2022 22:51
@HighlandPony a few people have asked you to clarify who you are calling a 'wrong un' or what you class as 'something wrong with you' - you are spectacularly missing the point that many of the people who live at home for far longer than you deem acceptable is because they are disabled. There is no area in the U.K. that is free from disability (as you keep claiming what your saying is related to where you live - there are disabled people living everywhere).
Your language is very ableist, derogatory and inflammatory and I would be ashamed of these views.
Ok, I’ll spell it out.
It is not acceptable to say that someone with a disability or neurodiversity or in fact any kind of difference “has something wrong with them”. I have an autistic child - he may or may not live independently but either way there is nothing “wrong with him”. He’s not some kind of factory seconds or damaged goods.
I don’t think anyone is doubting the characteristics of your local area, we’re offended by your apparent choice of language.
Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 23:32
I’m really touched to see the amount of parents here who have children with disabilities, be supportive with their kids into adulthood. It actually warms my heart to read and I think you sound like lovely caring parents 💐
Sorry about the people being rude about people with disabilities on this thread, that’s absolutely not my intention of the thread at all…
Xmasbaby11 · 09/10/2022 23:43
Depends on the situation really. Independence is so important and I enjoyed renting and living in lots of different places, so find it hard to understand someone lacking any drive to live somewhere different. It's so easy to move around in your 20s!
But dc are 8 and 10 and I love their company, so selfishly, I quite like the idea of them staying! It would be too quiet just me and dh.
LondonWolf · 09/10/2022 23:50
Stinkbag · 09/10/2022 19:59
I have children with disabilities - one will never be independent, the other will need a lot of support. It is what it is!
The poster who said ‘something wrong with them’ needs to learn what empathy and manners are.
Well said.
I'm in a similar situation. But even if my children were able to live independently I would be more than happy for them to live with me as long as they needed/wanted to. I couldn't wait to leave. My parents pretty much stopped parenting me apart from telling me how crap I was once I turned 16. I'd feel I had failed if I was that kind of parent, not one whose children felt able to stay living with them as adults while they found their feet.
JustLyra · 09/10/2022 23:51
I’ve always been very clear with mine that they’ll always have a home with me if they need it or want it.
imo it’s not the living with parents that’s problematic, it’s the living as a child with parents. Someone of 28/29 essentially living as an adult - working, saving, cooking, cleaning and just adulting - in their parents home isn’t an issue. Someone of the same age living as essentially an overgrown child never having responsibility for themselves is an issue.
countrygirl99 · 10/10/2022 04:55
DS1 came back in his late 20s as he realised he had made a poor career choice and the only way he could afford to change direction was to live with is for a couple of years. But he contributed to bills and did his share of jobs around the house. He's now in a job he is very happy in and living with a partner.
Anycrispsleft · 10/10/2022 05:39
Much as I love my kids, if I had to live with them indefinitely at the age they are now (10) I would probably go round the bend.
But as adults, as long as they pulled their weight as regards to housework, I would really like having them in the house. And I would always want my house to be their soft landing place if they were between jobs or relationships or anything - I would have loved to have had that security in my life.
I wonder if I would feel differently if I had sons instead of daughters?
whiteroseredrose · 10/10/2022 06:39
I have always told my DC that whatever happens in their lives they can always come home.
I was thinking in terms of work or relationship issues but the offer stands unconditionally.
However it comes with the expectation that they contribute to running the house ie do their share of cleaning etc.
Heronwatcher · 10/10/2022 07:04
I’d be fine with it, as long as the kids themselves weren’t unhappy, but I would definitely expect rent, respect and proper house rules around cooking, cleaning, washing, noise etc. We are also lucky to have a good sized house so maybe this is why I am a bit more relaxed about it!
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