How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?
Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 19:39
Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
gracious7 · 09/10/2022 20:27
I lived at home rent free until I was 25 as my parents wanted me to save for a deposit for a property. I managed to buy an apartment aged 25 and would have never been able to do this had my parents not allowed me to stay at home and save money. I will do the same for my dc.
ElEmEnOhPee · 09/10/2022 20:28
It would depend on a number of things really, mostly we'd need more space because his bedroom can only fit a single bed - it's tiny and I can't imagine he'd want to continue living here into adulthood with such little space. I live in a housing association place though so I could try and swap for a bigger place at some point (though it's not always easy).
Other than the space issue I'd be more than happy for him to stay at home as long as needed provided he doesn't take the piss by not working, not contributing and expecting me to provide for him to bum about all day.
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 20:28
Neither of my children asked to be born. As far as I'm concerned they can live with me whenever they need to. I love them-it's that simple.
Well said. I completely agree. If they need a home, whatever their age, for as long as I can provide a home, they have one.
@Bemoredog and @marmaladepop What lovely posts!
Helenloveslee4eva · 09/10/2022 20:32
This is your home. There is always a place for you .
yes ideally they’d be out making their way in the world but their roots are here and always will be ( with us their parents regardless if I’d we move house 😂). Like a strawberry runner that puts down other strong roots and can then be chopped off from the old plant - but you don’t have to.
yes I’d not want them here for ever. It’s not a “ fail “ but they need to use those wings.
currently have youngest as working locally and she’s saving for when she moves away.
we had son for nearly a year whilst he rebuilt his life after Covid destroyed a 7yr relationship - which had been from school age so he had no “ adult “ independent life to look at. He did a bloody good rebuild and got a new job back in his uni city when he was ready. Only to get together with a new g friend he knew from home city 😂
Helenloveslee4eva · 09/10/2022 20:35
And as pointed out kids with additional needs may need the support of parents long term - I have no idea but I know that they need to be individuals too. I know a couple of elderly parents of Down syndrome daughters who have transitioned them to supported living very effectively , one has a job. The other needs a lot of support but her mum is so proud she can go down the pub with her mates ❤️
AloysiusBear · 09/10/2022 20:37
No. I’d probably think I’d failed. I want them capable of living an independent adult life.
This. I really, really hope they are in a position to support themselves and their own families by the time they are in their thirties, assuming no disabilities etc.
Arbesque · 09/10/2022 20:37
Mossstitch · 09/10/2022 19:59
I don't understand the mumsnet obsession with this nor the horror that adult children are happy to live with their parents (although single lady in this case and I take it as a compliment that my sons haven't left at earliest opportunity seeing as how I married very young to get away from home🤦). I know 40 odd year olds that live in house shares with strangers, surely with the cost of living crisis if you get on its much better/cheaper to live with mum🤷 my youngest has never left and my middle son has just asked if he can come back (both in their 30s), eldest left about 27 but only because his job took him abroad.
Totally agree. So many lonely people determinedly living apart because of some of the nasty judgmental views typified on this thread.
There is nothing wrong with a parent and adult child living together in a spirit of mutual respect. Far better than one person rattling around in a house too big for them, and another living in a grotty or soulless flat because societal norms dictate they shouldn't be living together.
RagzRebooted · 09/10/2022 20:39
We're relocating in a couple of years in order to facilitate this, as where we are is very expensive for renting and buying. Currently we are 5 in a 3 bed and have our DSs sharing a room, which at 15 and 16 is bad enough but will be rubbish for them at 18+.
I left home at 17 to run off with a 31 year old, just to get out of living with my chaotic family (shared a room with 2 sisters) then came home briefly and left again to live in a dodgy house share (drugs, wierd live-in landlord). Lived in rented since having DS1 at 20. Finally hoping to buy in a few years!
I want our children to have a CHOICE. If they want to leave home at 18, then great. At least one with go to uni and probably come home for a bit after. We're moving somewhere they could afford to rent if working full time. I will encourage staying at home and saving, if they'd like to buy, as they will be able to save a deposit in a year or two and buy a flat on one income. I won't dictate what they do providing they are working and helping out, but I will give them choices I never had.
I enjoy their company, we get on and they already help round the house so I can't see that changing. Also, someone around to feed the cats when we're away!
Belle96 · 09/10/2022 20:41
CornishGem1975 · 09/10/2022 20:35
They can live with me as long as they need to. I wouldn't think I or they had failed. It's tough out there. I'll support them in any which way I can
This, my mum and dad would support me in a heartbeat. They don't I am independent with children but if the shit hit the fan I know I would have a place in their home
RagzRebooted · 09/10/2022 20:43
DH's brother lives with their dad (at 43). He couldn't afford to live alone and doesn't work much (kind of self employed but also on ESA) but at least he's company for FIL after MIL passed and better to have them living together than both being alone, IMO. Not sure what DBIL is going to do when FIL dies though...
Liesovertheocean · 09/10/2022 20:45
As long as they need/want. Echo others in that I’d rather they created a stable financial base by living at home and didn’t struggle with rent + mortgage saving. I’ve never had a set idea of when they ‘should’ have moved out by. Equally, I’ll be supportive of them leaving, if that’s what they want/need. Just want them to be secure and happy. Here or wherever else life takes them.
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