How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?
Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 19:39
Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
RedWingBoots · 09/10/2022 20:47
I have siblings plus have friends and acquaintances who have their adult children over 30 still living with them.
Hell I've employed those in the trades under 35 who are living with parents or a much older family member.
Yes they are all in London.
Most of the parents/relations let be in large houses which no way could their children/younger relations ever afford unless they won the Euromillions.
WeAllHaveWings · 09/10/2022 20:50
I don't think I would have a problem with ds(18) staying as he is respectful, helpful and very good company (better than dh 🤣). But I would be disappointed for him if he did stay, so if he showed no signs by the time he hit mid 20s at the latest I would kick him out encourage him to go.
Toffeewhirl · 09/10/2022 20:52
I'm expecting my children to continue to live with me indefinitely. They both have disabilities and need a lot of support. Of course, I hope that things will improve for them so they can lead independent lives, but I don't assume this will happen.
I'm happy to have them live with me, but sad that their lives are so affected by their issues.
GeorgeorRuth · 09/10/2022 20:53
All ours left at 18/19 but have boomeranged back at various times. DS 2 and his wife lived with us while house hunting. DS1 was back for 3 months due to a MH crisis, it was that or street homeless.
They know that while we don't have much room there is always a sofa if they are desperate ( we downsized).
Fizbosshoes · 09/10/2022 20:54
I don't think its a black or white answer.
There may be several valid reasons for some adult children to live longer/permenantly with their parents.
I don't think I could say now (my children are teens) whether I would/wouldn't be happy with them living with me in their 30s without knowing what the future holds - in terms of circumstance, mental, emotional and physical health and financial and career status....so it's not a yes or no answer...
RosesAndHellebores · 09/10/2022 20:55
I see it from the other perspective. My mother was on her third marriage when I was 20 and I was told it would be inappropriate for me to return home. There will ways be a home here for our dc. DS is newly married and has of course moved out.
DD is 24 and whilst she and her bf both have properties of their own, he is doing Prof quals, aged 25, and living at home whilst doing so (his mum does his ironing and cooks his dinner) and dd's job is a 10 minute drive from here and it's easier and more convenient for her to live here, especially as she only sees bf on Friday eve, Sat eve and Sunday whilst he's doing his exams. If he passes in about 12 months I'm sure they will then live together but at the moment they welcome the support of their families and it's nice they do.
FrodisCapering · 09/10/2022 20:55
If they needed to for a y reason then I would be fine with it.
I never felt secure at home and it caused a lot of psychological problems which still affect me to this day.
I want both of mine to know that they will always have a room in our house, and will ways have our support and protection.
That's not to say I wouldn't expect them to contribute and to behave in a mature, considerate manner.
Ponderingwindow · 09/10/2022 20:56
No, she should have her privacy and independence. My job is to make sure she gets a strong launch so that she doesn’t have to live with me as an adult. If she faces a crisis I will welcome her back and give her whatever support she needs, but my
goal will be to get her back out on her own.
Changechangychange · 09/10/2022 20:56
I’d be happy to have DS living with us, but not very happy on his behalf as I would be sad he hadn’t managed to become independent/create his own family.
I definitely would not want DS and his imaginary future wife living with us and starting a family with us - I’d want them in their own space, even if that meant us downsizing and giving them some money for the deposit.
it’s also slightly different as DD is an only - all my money will eventually be his anyway. Whereas my DBro and DH’s DSis have both been given significant financial support for their parents which neither DH or I received, simply by being the youngest and still at home (DBro was given a big deposit when we weren’t given anything, and DFIL moved out of the family home when DBIL moved in, essentially handing them a massive 4 bedroom house for free, when we are in a small flat with a child). So that might be colouring my view! I definitely wouldn’t favour one child over another.
OneDayAtATimePlease · 09/10/2022 21:01
My children are welcome to stay with me as long as they need, but only them. If they want to create living space for them and a future partner they need to make that happen for themselves (hopefully possible having saved money from living with me).
RoseMartha · 09/10/2022 21:02
We havent got a great relationship atm so I would not be happy. They currently want to leave asap. Mid teens atm. Call me a failure and a crap parent and every swear word under the sun, usually for no reason other than to try to control me. (Their dad was / is abusive, he is now my exh), They have mh problems which I will not go into here. But I constantly feel like I am the verge of a breakdown. To still be in that position in 15 years seems unbearable. I feel like a prisoner as it is.
Aldith · 09/10/2022 21:03
I lived in my parents house until I was in my early 30s. I worked, paid rent and saved for my own flat. My parents would never have been happy for me to continue living with them if I hadn’t been putting in some effort to fly. Property here is expensive (Edinburgh).
My DH (22 months older than me)was also living with his parents when we met after separating from his first wife. Like me he was working, paying rent and saving.
There are lots of reasons adult children may still be living at home and as long as they are not taking the Micky and are respectful of the home I don’t see a problem.
RosesAndHellebores · 09/10/2022 21:08
@RoseMartha I hear you. Ours were quite horried from about 15 to 21 but they improve and grow up a bit over the next decade. They take some knocks, mature at Uni, start to understand their own limitations and come back to appreciating their parents again. It's a hard journey and you are in the midst of the hard yards. Always loving them doesn't mean you always like them.
Puppers · 09/10/2022 21:08
I love my kids and my home will always be their home. I wouldn't be pleased if they saw me as a meal ticket beyond early twenties, but I'd always be happy for them to stay at home if they pulled their weight and were productive. I wouldn't tolerate a 30 year old with a crap job (or no job) sitting around the house playing COD when they had the ability to do better for themselves, but it's not really in my kids' natures so I'd be very surprised if that's how any of them turn out.
The world is a very different place than it has been for previous generations. The cost of housing, whether buying or renting, is so far out of touch with average wages that it's simply not possible for most young people to just move out and be independent at 18 like a lot of us could. One of the ways I can support my children in eventually having the stability of home ownership and not spending extortionate amounts of cash on rent is to allow them to live at home while they save. Saving tens of thousands of pounds for a deposit is not a 5 minute job.
Bananarama21 · 09/10/2022 21:10
Part of flying the nest is getting that independence and life experience. I wouldn't want my dc staying past 25 at the latest. Obviously we will always be there in the event of a relationship break down but I'd want that time for me and dh not having adult children living within the home and then partners coming round and staying over. I moved out at 18 to uni came home moved in with ex but relationship broke down and moved back in with my parents. 18 months later I left and never been back home.
yellowbananasss · 09/10/2022 21:12
You're a delight aren't you.
What do you class as 'as wrong un' then? People with a disability?
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