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How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?

222 replies

Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 19:39

Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Carrotzen · 09/10/2022 20:02

I suppose as well it probably depends if you live in a 2 bed flat or a 6 bed barn conversion!


donttellmehesalive · 09/10/2022 20:02

I'd have loved it. And it would have made sense to live rent-free whilst saving a deposit. It's really hard to buy a home on a single income now.


Aretheyhavingalaugh · 09/10/2022 20:03

I'd be more than happy for them to live with me until they found a suitable partner to create thier own family. I'd much rather let them stay in thier family home until they are ready to go. I'd hate to think they were in a flat by themselves feeling lonely


bigbluebus · 09/10/2022 20:06

My DS is nearly 26 and he lives at home. He finished his Masters last year and moved back home. He is living rent free whilst saving up to hopefully buy a house - although I guess the goalposts have moved in recent weeks. I'd rather he lived here and saved up than waste his money on rent. We have the space and can afford to support him atm - although that might change upon retirement.
I didn't leave home until I was 24 - and that was over 30 years ago.


Ffsmakeitstop · 09/10/2022 20:06

I have a 33yr old dd who came back home after a failed relationship. She is currently buying a property and she cannot wait. I also have a 30yr old ds who says he wants to go but does nothing about it. I do have one son who lives independently but with help as he has mh issues.
I do not feel I have failed I am happy so long as they are happy. Financially it is difficult for people to buy or even rent these days.


Overthebow · 09/10/2022 20:07

No, unless there’s factors such as SEN to consider. I would also think I’d failed, one to bring up switched on independent kids and also to provide help for deposits. I have already started saving for a house deposit for my DC (any future DC if I have any more), and I will make sure there’s enough to provide decent help.


DashboardConfessional · 09/10/2022 20:07

Depends. If they were moving in with a partner I'd rather they lived together in rental first. It's good practice at managing a home and they can see if their partner is going to be a lazy oik.

I'd like to think I could take DS to my parents' detached 4 bed if necessary but I'd be looking for somewhere with my equity asap.

If I hadn't met DH at uni I'd have flat shared with a friend. No way was I moving back in after a 4 year degree and a year abroad!


marmaladepop · 09/10/2022 20:09

Neither of my children asked to be born. As far as I'm concerned they can live with me whenever they need to. I love them-it's that simple.


Thegreenballoon · 09/10/2022 20:10

I expect my autistic child to be with us at least well into young adulthood. My hope for him, and actually his neurotypical sibling as well, is that he leads a happy, productive and fulfilled adult life - whatever that looks like and wherever located. If he needs support to fledge the nest we’ll arrange that, if he needs to stay with us that’s fine, if he confidently heads out the door independently at age 21 I’ll be thrilled. I just want what’s best for him. I’d only be disappointed if he was forced to live with me against his wishes or best interests by a lack of finances or available support.


ChillysWaterBottle · 09/10/2022 20:10

Absolutely lovely, as long as A) they were happy and thriving B) contributing to the running of the household and C) there was space. But I am aware I have very different views on family to a lot of people on Mumsnet!


FarmhouseLiving22 · 09/10/2022 20:11

I think it depends. I can think of nothing nicer than my kids living with me when they're older before they're married or after uni etc. But I'd want to make sure they were at least saving up - a few of my parents have had their kids move in with them and rather than save for a house deposit etc, they've spent the "spare money" on living a very extravagant life where they're eating at nice restaurants or going out every weekend or buying designer clothes for instance, whilst their retirement age parents continue working to support having their adult children at home. I guess it's important that they have a plan for the future


Discovereads · 09/10/2022 20:15

YABU to ask such a question. It’s completely tone deaf to different situations where it is necessary or there are different cultural expectations.


museumum · 09/10/2022 20:16

I have boys and although I do encourage housework etc I still want them to live alone or with friends and look after their own home before moving in with a partner. My dh lived alone when we met and I think it really helped us have an equal household from the start.


youcantry · 09/10/2022 20:18

Yes stay with me rent free as my daughter is currently doing (23) to save for a deposit which she should be able to do next year. Same for my son when the time comes.
As both my sister and I did too.
But I'd want proof that they are saving up to get on the property ladder and not stringing me along!


ElizabethBest · 09/10/2022 20:19

Mine is disabled so likely always will.


Unglamorousgranny · 09/10/2022 20:20

Well it would bother them more than me, but our home will always be their home if they need it. Our 24 year old son still lives with us & he wants to move out. He's had a good job, been saving furiously for a deposit as he doesn't want to rent. He contributes to the running of the household too. Rental properties are very hard to come by where we live, even house shares are. I find it very offensive for people to say there must be something wrong with the youngsters if they're still living with parents in todays economic/housing climate. Some people need to wake up & live in the real world. I think it will become a lot more common as the government don't care a jot about the housing crisis.


Ragwort · 09/10/2022 20:20

I think I'd be quite disappointed - my DS is in his final year at Uni and had a year in industry last year, living away from home. He really thrived in a new environment, made new friends, joined new activities etc etc. I think if he came home to live (we live in a very dull, small town Grin) his opportunities etc would be quite limited. A quite country life suits DH and I at our stage in life but I really hope DS moves away for his career and takes every opportunity he is offered. Fortunately he is very confident and outgoing... perhaps I would feel differently if he was shy or reserved. I know it's expensive to live away but we have been saving since he was born and will contribute towards a deposit on his first home (appreciate we are in a fortunate position).

I also echo a previous poster's comments ... I know young people living at home who completely take advantage of their hard working DPs, expensive meals out, holidays etc whilst contributing a bare minimum towards household expenses but still expecting meals, laundry and inviting their own friends round without any consideration for other family members.


WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 20:21

Mossstitch · 09/10/2022 19:59

I don't understand the mumsnet obsession with this nor the horror that adult children are happy to live with their parents (although single lady in this case and I take it as a compliment that my sons haven't left at earliest opportunity seeing as how I married very young to get away from home🤦). I know 40 odd year olds that live in house shares with strangers, surely with the cost of living crisis if you get on its much better/cheaper to live with mum🤷 my youngest has never left and my middle son has just asked if he can come back (both in their 30s), eldest left about 27 but only because his job took him abroad.

This. ^ My DD left for uni and 18 and never came back (moved in with her boyfriend at 21,) and lives 20 minutes drive from me. So mine left home young. BUT I cannot see a single thing wrong with people in their 20s OR 30s living with parents, (or even older if need be...)

If they are single or divorced, (basically on their own,) it's hard. It's a struggle in life as a couple sometimes, and is VERY hard for many single folk. If living with your parents makes life easier - for you AND them - then why the hell not?

Nasty shitty comments like they are 'weirdos' and 'there's something wrong with them' are just vile. Shame on people who say shit like this. Hmm


LastnightIdreamtofsomebagels · 09/10/2022 20:21

No way.


Harridan1981 · 09/10/2022 20:21

Tbh I'd be fine with it. The house is big enough. I'd want them to be independent in other ways as far as possible, working, having a social life etc.


Yucca78 · 09/10/2022 20:22

Yes..would be happy with that


Bemoredog · 09/10/2022 20:22

marmaladepop · 09/10/2022 20:09

Neither of my children asked to be born. As far as I'm concerned they can live with me whenever they need to. I love them-it's that simple.

Well said. I completely agree. If they need a home, whatever their age, for as long as I can provide a home, they have one.


youcantry · 09/10/2022 20:23

But, to add, you often have to put up with boyfriends/girlfriends practically moving in too!
Thankfully my daughter's boyfriend is lovely, polite and helpful and is in same position, saving whilst staying with his parents so they are sometimes at mine and sometime at his parents. They're often out too so it's fine.


userxx · 09/10/2022 20:24

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Ragwort · 09/10/2022 20:25

museum that's a really good point, I think it can be a disaster for anyone moving straight out of a family home into a new home with a GF/BF. My DH also had his own home before we married (as did I) and we were both fully aware of the responsibilities - and chores - involved in running your own home. I wouldn't want to live with someone who had never lived away from mum and dad.

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