How many of you would be happy for your children once they reach adulthood to still live with you?

[Chloefairydust]

Inspired by another thread about people not always being financially as able to leave home due to rising costs. How happy would you be for your child to still live with you if they are in their 30s?

[NooNooHead1981]

Double posted sorry

[CarmenBizet]

@oldestmumaintheworld

Leaving home is a rite of passage for children and parents and I believe is essential for both of them to have a healthy adult relationship. It's difficult if your child is disabled or has special needs but even then most will get there in the end.

This is where I fall on this too.

As much as I would selfishly love to have DS around forever, I would be really concerned if by 19-20 he wasn't keen to spread his wings and move out and forge his own path in life. You learn so much from that independence about yourself, how to care for yourself, the world, relationships etc. I would be really sad if he missed out on all that as there would be a really good reason for him not to be ready to fly the nest and wonder if it was something I'd done wrong.

[UneFilleDeBelleville]

Mixed feelings. I would always be very happy to have my children live with me at any time of life- my home is their home forever- and part of me loves the idea of that enduring closeness.

However, I also think that independence is important and that moving out is part of that, so when the time is right I shall support them in moving out. Part of our financial planning includes saving a decent sum to give to each of them for a flat deposit (we live in London and I think it's likely they will want to stay here as adults, so getting on the property ladder will be a challenge).

[iwishihadabox]

@oldestmumaintheworld

Leaving home is a rite of passage for children and parents and I believe is essential for both of them to have a healthy adult relationship.

It's difficult if your child is disabled or has special needs but even then most will get there in the end.

This is such ableist bullshit.

[Swivellingbrat]

DC2 is back living with us after 3 years of living away at Uni and 1 year living independently. They are working PT while trying to build a career in an arts field and were struggling to pay rent and bills. As soon as they are able to establish their career they will be off again.

DC1 is in a professional job and lives with their partner. Even so if they split up they would be welcome to move back. Renting is shit and extortionate in London as a young single person.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I'd be rather sad that they hadn't spread their wings by their 30s, and moved out, but I also love their company. Mine are early 20s, one left, one home. She's no hassle, we have a laugh together and go out for dinner/drinks etc.

[CecilyP]

As much as I would selfishly love to have DS around forever, I would be really concerned if by 19-20 he wasn't keen to spread his wings and move out and forge his own path in life. You learn so much from that independence about yourself, how to care for yourself, the world, relationships etc.

I think what you might learn is just how rubbish private renting is! Spreading your wings and moving away for work or uni is one thing, renting a bedsit 5 minutes from your parents house quite another.

[CecilyP]

Part of our financial planning includes saving a decent sum to give to each of them for a flat deposit (we live in London and I think it's likely they will want to stay here as adults, so getting on the property ladder will be a challenge).

Many people are completely unable to do this, but are able to offer the benefit in kind of staying at home while working to enable them to save their own money towards a house deposit.

[CarmenBizet]

@CecilyP

As much as I would selfishly love to have DS around forever, I would be really concerned if by 19-20 he wasn't keen to spread his wings and move out and forge his own path in life. You learn so much from that independence about yourself, how to care for yourself, the world, relationships etc.

I think what you might learn is just how rubbish private renting is! Spreading your wings and moving away for work or uni is one thing, renting a bedsit 5 minutes from your parents house quite another.

Lived it. Rented privately from 19-31. It can be rubbish but life isn't always rosy. I've rented solo, with a partner, and in a few house shares. Even the grottiest place was still a thrill to be out on my own living my own life under my own steam. If someone wants to live with parents and both parties are happy then that's fine and nobody else's business but I would worry about DS lack of independence if he reached say 20 and still had no plans or urges to get his own place.

[CecilyP]

I think 20 is very young to be in any way worried about it. Maybe nearer 30 would be more of a problem. Chances are he’ll move out for uni at 18/19 anyway and only be home for the holidays.

[StillMedusa]

One of mine is 25 and will be living with us indefinitely unless we can get supported living (has autism) but contributes financially and is no trouble.
One moved back in with us, and her partner joined us too, a few years after Uni to save ...two years and now in their own home, so absolutely worth it.
One lived with us until he was 27 and finally got his visa to emigrate to his financees country.
One left to go to University and has never lived at home since she graduated.

All fine...and I kind of miss the lovely banter and company. While living with us they contributed, and at one point we had seven of us here. It was fine.

It will always be my childrens' home. Hopefully they will not need to come back to live, but if they do I would never say no.

[legophoenix]

@iwishihadabox

@oldestmumaintheworld

Leaving home is a rite of passage for children and parents and I believe is essential for both of them to have a healthy adult relationship.

It's difficult if your child is disabled or has special needs but even then most will get there in the end.

This is such ableist bullshit.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Stompythedinosaur]

I hope, for their sakes, that they live as independent adults. Living with parents after a certain age seems to stop young adults developing the skills they need.

But I think I'd be delighted personally as I cannot imagine how painful I will find not seeing them every day!

[Gotskeaswr]

I’d rather they’d be able to live as independent adults than be home in their 30s.

[MRSE20]

I left home at 25 and my (now husband) was 29
I’d never kick my child out at a certain age but as some people have said I would feel sad from them that they, for whatever reason were living at home after 30.
I’m now 27 and would say 90% of my friends have moved out

[AncientQuercus]

We downsized when our adult children left. Big mistake. They have all come back for varying periods of time, sometimes overlapping. One 30+ currently approaching 5 years with us. We would like our space back.

[Plantstrees]

My DCs moved out for University and a few years abroad etc but eventually came back home. We are fortunate to have plenty of space in the house so do not share kitchens, bathrooms etc. They contribute a share of utilities/mortgage and it works well as they have their independence without having to pay huge rental costs to someone else. I am sure there are times when they would love to be completely independent but financially this is so much more realistic on an average salary. We only pay one council tax bill, one utility bill, one internet bill, etc between us. I don't think any of us could afford to live separately. Multi-generational living is the way forward in my view - we all help each other so most of the time it works really well.

[nokitchen]

Mine lived here until they had saved enough to buy their own places

[JustLyra]

@Stompythedinosaur

I hope, for their sakes, that they live as independent adults. Living with parents after a certain age seems to stop young adults developing the skills they need.

But I think I'd be delighted personally as I cannot imagine how painful I will find not seeing them every day!

It only stops them learning skills if their parents allow it to stop them.

[Choconut]

I'd be happy for mine to stay forever, but then I don't buy into this cultural obsession with 'independence'. I've been around a lot of multigenerational households that have worked very well both here and abroad.
He however plans on buying a flat and so I will do everything to support that, I've saved up his child allowance toward a deposit. If he lived here and was working I'd expect him to contribute though, even if I put that money away in an account for him.

[Liorae]

@tickticksnooze

Other cultures manage to have healthy relationships in multi-generational households.

I'm guessing you never lived as the daughter in law in one of those multi generational households if you think it's healthy.

[missmamiecuddleduck]

Mine have lived on their own for years.

They were back and forth for awhile. It was hard as they treated my place like a hotel, plus all the drinking, and talking to me like rubbish.
Thankfully they've both grown up!

They could come stay with me if they wanted.
My hope is they that are happy and settled when I'm gone.