Husband won’t make me coffee?! AIBU?

[Mysonisugly]

DH had a small operation on Wednesday to sort out his groin hernia which means that I have been doing everything (and I mean everything!) around the house. I have to look after my two DS (17 & 12), two dogs, I work part time but it just feels like there’s a never ending amount of shit to deal with. Literally from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I’m having to look after, what feels like, three children as well as working and keeping the house running. The doctor told him to get up and walk around and not just sit there all day so he managed a small dog walk with DS1 yesterday (which he had to use crutches for 🙄). I’ve just sat down to sort out some admin, pay bills etc and he’s in the kitchen making himself a coffee so I shouted through that I’ll have one as he’s making and he said he couldn’t make it as he could only manage one mug. I asked him to just make it and I’ll get it and he said that he couldn’t lift the kettle long enough to make two and if I’m getting up to get it, I might as well make my own! On his operation leaflet it says ‘no heavy lifting for at least 2 weeks’. Well he’s taken that to meaning he doesn’t have to lift anything heavier than one fucking mug! I’m so tempted to just stop cooking his food and being his nursemaid if he’s going to be that petty about it. He is just being a big fucking baby, after all, I was doing things around the house after I’d given birth and had enough stitches to make a replica of the Bayeux tapestry!
AIBU to just want a coffee made for me when I’m doing everything around the house to support his recovery?

^This.
Can't be bothered to waste any extra keystrokes about your DH or eldest son...they're both piss-takers.

I think the word you’re looking for is MUG and I don’t mean the ceramic variety. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ironic username.

Eh? My 8 year old is mostly independent. What do they need doing for them apart from normal household tasks that need doing anyway?

Skimmed the OP's posts and got as far as her having OCD.

This would have been useful to have mentioned in your OP since knowing someone has a MH disorder which impacts their day to day living, will influence people's responses.

I encouraged my sons to help and it makes a huge difference. We have visitors coming, one of them makes the cake. Guests are so much more positive about a cake made by a child. The child likes the praise and the feeling that he has helped. Children who are sidelined and not allowed to feel part of the family team soon lose interest in team life (the family).
I worked full time in a demanding job and my boys loved the independence it gave them. They also did very very well academically and had lovely friends. I don't much like the sound of them (the kids) and us families. Team work and kindness all the way.

Hmm my 9yo school day is 8:15-5:30 most days plus whatever clubs are on and homework. One day a week they also go swim club which starts at 7:15am and they have after school club so get home about 6pm plus homework.

This morning she got ready got her bag packed filled her water bottle and got into the car by herself.
This evening she'll be expected to get in shower and be dressed for bed then dinner then homework alone.
I'm absolutely loving the freedom I now have and my 9yo is very self sufficient but happy. I cannot comprehend how a 12&17 yo would cause more grief. I think you're being a bit of a drama queen and maybe it's time for ft work for you so that dh can take over where you've left off.

You’re a handmaiden, not “nice” FYI.

I feel sorry for the future gfs and wives of your sons op. After your sons have suffered a few divorces and lost most of their savings, houses and children you might come to regret your 'precious boys' parenting style.

He’s milking it for all it’s worth.

I have a lateral scar from my pubic bone almost to my breast bone and have had 3 surgeries to the area. After the second surgery, dh went back to work less than 48 hours after I came home from hospital so I had to fend for myself and it was hard. I literally had to lift nothing so definitely no more than a kettle filled with enough water for one and I only made a drink for me. Dh made them when he was around. But I definitely didn’t need to be as careful after more minor surgery eg a couple of laparoscopies. This hernia repair is in that range.

Agreed that the endless energy drain could and should be paused for illness/life events etc, kids need to learn to give back too. Mine step in and bloody help every night, and if someone is out of action it is all hands to the deck. I can not fathom this idea darling teen has had a hard day at school and needs coddling all evening, and is incapable of cooking a stir fry and loading the dishwasher. I don't buy into that at all.

You are just raising useless, feckless adults.

How do you work that out? The OH has been off his feet recuperating from an operation. I find your post ludicrous at best. What the OP is doing is showing their future partners that when they eventually get in to a relationship it is a partnership

Eh? I'm talking about the fact that a 12yo and 17yo need 'looking after' so much that this is actually a massive burden for OP, and she herself says they do no chores as you can't reasonably expect them to do anything after a regular school day. Recovering OH making coffee or not does not change this.

Yes, when I was 12 I had my own jobs around the house I was expected to do. And at 17 I was picking up my younger siblings from school one day a week and walking them home, making them dinner etc while my parents worked.

But even in households where they think children shouldn't have to do those things regularly, surely you'd still expect them to step up when they're needed and at least be able to fend for themselves for a few days. It's baffling that a 17 year old would need so much coddling.

I don’t think it needs to be a feminist issue…

My DH would do exactly the same for me if I were recovering from surgery. Just, you know, to be nice..!!

Of course its a feminist issue!

He is six days in from a very minor issue, if he is still expecting to be waited on of course that is a feminist issue. He didn't bother making op a coffee, would you not have done that given the care she has given him?

As for 12 and 17 years they should be cleaning, cooking, washing and vacuuming most days - maybe not every day - but pitching in.

It is not about being nice, most of course are done with nice - we have moved on to expect equality, balance and respect. None of those are present in op's house atm which is why she is fuming. She is a the house maid, serving the men. It is not fun.

He is six days in from a very minor issue, if he is still expecting to be waited on of course that is a feminist issue.

to be fair, recovery & weight lifting/activity restriction is 2-3 weeks for groin hernia surgery in men and involves pain, tugging, aches, swelling and pulling when moving about. It’s not major surgery, but it’s not “very minor” either.

It is not about being nice, most of course are done with nice - we have moved on to expect equality, balance and respect. None of those are present in op's house atm which is why she is fuming. She is a the house maid, serving the men. It is not fun.

Seems to me the DH does his share under normal circumstances and the OP has said she doesn’t feel the DS’s need to or are capable of doing their share. So why is this a feminist issue?

An argument could be made that the OP is half responsible for her DS’s upbringing and the DH is clearly a good role model, again under normal circumstances. So it would also seem that the OP is not expecting much from her DS’s. So, yeah maybe it is an a feminist issue, just not in the way you are thinking.

Ha, I have the opposite problem in getting him to follow the doctors instruction. He says he feels fine so there's nothing really wrong then he has to stop absolutely knackered because he didn't take it easy. I think he's gradually coming to terms with being ill but it's taken a long time.

What a nasty thing to say about her children

Posters claiming it is a feminist issue. I would agree except for the fact the OP only works part time. I feel sorry for the one who has to be the main breadwinner and cannot be ill because the family depends on his earning power. A 17 year old does not need mum pampering him. It won't do him any favours in the long term. The family dynamic is all wrong. I think the OP expects a supportive audience for her wife work, forgetting that contributing to the family purse is real work. What is she going to do when her sons leave home and her wife/ mother work becomes redundant?
Back to a full time job and a healthy pension so she can ensure her boys can leave home knowing she is busy and fulfilled.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘goady’?!
i explained why I have that username (because my else’s DS chose it for me 🙄)

Haha, I’m packing my things as we speak 🤣

YABU to think anyone is going to lend you a hand or even do you the smallest favour when you have clearly not taught anyone to do that.

Your two DCs are going to turn out as self indulgent and ridiculous as your H when they have partners if you don't start making them pull their weight.

They will always believe that whatever else they have going on is more important than housework if you let them get away with doing so little now.

Agree with @Teddletoddle

Dial it down. Stop being a martyr.

It’s entirely true! Not nasty 😂