Husband won’t make me coffee?! AIBU?

[Mysonisugly]

DH had a small operation on Wednesday to sort out his groin hernia which means that I have been doing everything (and I mean everything!) around the house. I have to look after my two DS (17 & 12), two dogs, I work part time but it just feels like there’s a never ending amount of shit to deal with. Literally from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I’m having to look after, what feels like, three children as well as working and keeping the house running. The doctor told him to get up and walk around and not just sit there all day so he managed a small dog walk with DS1 yesterday (which he had to use crutches for 🙄). I’ve just sat down to sort out some admin, pay bills etc and he’s in the kitchen making himself a coffee so I shouted through that I’ll have one as he’s making and he said he couldn’t make it as he could only manage one mug. I asked him to just make it and I’ll get it and he said that he couldn’t lift the kettle long enough to make two and if I’m getting up to get it, I might as well make my own! On his operation leaflet it says ‘no heavy lifting for at least 2 weeks’. Well he’s taken that to meaning he doesn’t have to lift anything heavier than one fucking mug! I’m so tempted to just stop cooking his food and being his nursemaid if he’s going to be that petty about it. He is just being a big fucking baby, after all, I was doing things around the house after I’d given birth and had enough stitches to make a replica of the Bayeux tapestry!
AIBU to just want a coffee made for me when I’m doing everything around the house to support his recovery?

I would have gone absolutely nuclear at him refusing to make the coffee, bellend! Can he not hear himself how unreasonable he's being?
Your son's could easily do some light chores to help you too but it's your decision where you set your boundaries

Your relationship sounds full of drama, conflict and point scoring. Stop being a martyr and share the load. Try being really nice to everyone all week. I bet they model this behaviour back to you and you will all be much happier.

No. It's the simplest of operations and my DH was told to go about things normally from the next day, apart from lifting anything heavy. A coffee mug isn't heavy. And it's six days later!

So both your children are out of the house all day and busy all evening - how are you 'looking after' them constantly? You do sound like a bit of a martyr, surely most of us manage full time jobs, kids and running a house without making it a performance of how much we have on our plates.

Having said that I'd be a bit irritated by your husband being completely 'incapable', so YANBU!

3 children? You barely have one child😂 YABU for saying that alone

Being kind to one another creates a very positive atmosphere. Surely you would rather your boys remember that rather than tension and conflict.
Many future DILS would prefer a man who takes an equal share on the homefront rather than a martyr, self sacrificing MIL.

Why can he work full time and still help around the house but the rest of you are struggling with working/studying part time and helping around the house?

It sounds like he deserves the rest.

But yes he's taking the piss. What a drama queen, quite unattractive

Wtf at your username.

You are a martyr. Paying bills? Who physically has to do that these days and if you do it’s a couple of clicks, surely? Teens don’t need looking after beyond reminding them to shower and maybe cooking their dinner.

Unclench and life will become easier.

Your husband is being unreasonable regarding the coffee. But to the rest of it, you seem to be making a martyr of yourself. I don’t understand why a 17 year old and a 12 year old need so much looking after and are not helping out anyway.

Name change fail?

Agree. Part time working and teenage kids shouldn't equal being in your feet doing jobs all day. Think OP is being OTT herem

The problem is, I have OCD and I am very particular about how things are done. I guess I’ve just spent all my life doing things certain ways so it doesn’t fuck with my head too much. Getting my DSs to do chores freaks me out and I usually end up redoing things because they haven’t done it ‘properly’, saying that, my 12 year old does put the Hoover round when he gets home from school but apart from that, the boys doing other chores that I don’t trust them with, ends up making more work for me. I’m just over having to do everything that DH would normally do because it makes my OCD worse as they are the chores I trust him to do 😭

You're being a martyr.

Next time you cook, don't make him any, and say, 'oh I'm sorry, I can only manage 3 plates. You'll have to go in to fetch yours and you may as well cook it too, seeing as you're up'.

You're raising your sons to be just like their father. Lazy and useless.

This. If he's not normally lazy then maybe he's feeling a bit tender and needs a bit of TLC not moaning at.
There's no reason why both your sons can't do a few 'chores'. Shoving a hoover round their room would take 5 mins (and I'm including walking up & down the stairs twice in that). Emptying the dishwasher - while the kettle boils for a cuppa. And if you're only working part-time then you should be able to do all the regular house-cleaning in your days off.
It sounds like there's one lazy person in that house OP - you!

He’s wrong about the coffee.

You’re wrong about everything else. Stop making work for yourself.

The OCD drip feed doesn’t make you look more reasonable, get professional help instead of martyring yourself.

How will your children, including the one who’s neatly an adult, ever learn how to clean up after themselves if you don’t let them try.

You’re not working ft while juggling triplets, get a grip.

Do you think that was me???

You're being a martyr
And doing your sons no favour at all. Their future partners will not thank you 🙄

YANBU about the coffee.

YABU to "look after" a 17 year old though.

Why can't your sons pitch in with chores, or even make you a coffee?

Haha, I think I will do this for sure 🤣

You're both being a bit dramatic.

Youngest is at school, but at 12 should be getting himself dressed and out, undressed and can help with chores. Presumably also puts himself to bed. Eldest is hardly there.

If you are working from home I think it's reasonable to be no contact during working hours.

Hardly full time care of three kids whilst you try to stay on top of a house that's fully occupied all week.

But he should have made you coffee

I voted YANBU on the matter of the coffee. But I think your overall attitude and anger is BU. So what if you were up and about after childbirth, obviously you felt well enough to do so. Operations affect people differently and healing times are much longer as we age, so you really shouldn’t be resenting him for how long it takes him to recover.

No heavy lifting = can't lift kettle for 2 cups.

Piss - taken!