Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

Has she given the robot cat a go? It might be fun.
Maybe paint the mug as she likes to draw.
Has she ever drunk tea? Maybe she will like it.

She really doesn't like tea, she's tried it in the past. Not sure if the pens she had would work on the cup.

The robot cat is pure tat tbh.

Do you not have paint at home for the cup?
If you know the robot came from B+M see if they will let you exchange it for some paint.
Or let her play with it. She might like it. Maybe the gift giver has one and really likes it.

The mums have stuff but that doesn't mean they have access to cash. Stop spending so much on gifts for their children, and match what they spend on yours.

@Thelnebriati yes, lesson learned!!

B&M online are selling the robo cat for £12.99, so not that cheap.

Dd opened the robot cat, discovered it was just tat and can't be returned now. The gift giver is definitely not a fan of this toy and it's a regift. I have also seen her give a book (I bought for this girl) as a regift to another girl a few weeks ago at her party. Seems really a cheap thing to do!

It's not that robo cat, it's a smaller version

Ah, sorry. The £12.99 one looked quite good.

I'm with you on this OP. Maybe not so concerned about value, you don't hold a party to make a profit, but if its just tat it'll go straight to landfill.

When they were young I'd always ask parents what the kids would like, or give consumables. Now older I'd generally do a gift voucher, or trendy consumables like American candy boxes.

So was the aim of this party to get loot for your kid? I thought parties were for having fun with your friends outside of school / play and doing something fun to celebrate a birthday. Not to get an armful of x value gifts.

It has never occurred to me that the mothers of kids have been estimating a cost of all the gifts I have given over the years!

The £12.99 one looks pretty good, dd has a very small one it doesn't look so great. It's just like they got couldn't be bothered even buying something. Just regifting whatever the friend doesn't like.

@FatCatSkinnyRat but if I am thoughtful choosing really good activities and great food why shouldn't someone just buy something that my dd might actually like? It's not the cost but the thoughtlessness that bugs me. The price did make me think they were just being thoughtless and cheap though!

Stationery isn't expensive or some crafts and would have been more thoughtful.

Yes you are being unreasonable and ungrateful. Be thankful they even wanted to come with your attitude. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter that someone has bought a bit of tat for someone who isn't their child. Re gift or take to charity shop.

Everyone is worried about how they are going to afford to heat their homes, feed their kids etc, regardless of how many horses they own. Have some perspective.

Why on earth are you spending £15 for every kids party!? Just get a colouring book and pencils from tiger for £5! Most parent really don't expect grand gestures from their kids friends parents. You're making it a competition when it really isn't.

Sorry it's really odd and grabby to be pricing up your dd's gifts like that.
You invite friends to a birthday party because you like them and want to spend time with them. Not because you want a gift from them.
Maybe next time spare yourself the angst and specify no gifts so your dd can learn to appreciate her friends rather than judge them by what they give her.

Would you give a friend aged 10 a cup with three tea bags in it?!

These people are not broke, they are quite the opposite. I'm not being grabby, would be happy with at least something that dd might use!

YABU not everyone is going to know your taste in gifts, it's a party gift most spend less than £10, unless its a close friend trying to pick a gift for a random child is not that easy. Don't be offended, surely the party itself is the most important and that everyone had a nice time.

Some kids do like tea and having their own cup, you have the tea bags but she could still use the cup.

Sometimes you will get "tatt" as gifts at children's parties you really need to accept that let her play with the cat or regift it, the teacup is weird though

Bloody hell OP, I'm embarrassed for you. Kids' parties are for children to have fun with their friends, not to get a pile of "stuff." You might have the money and time and headspace to buy thoughtful and expensive presents every time you take one of your kids to a party, but most people don't.
Now is your opportunity to teach your DD that birthdays aren't about "stuff", they're about having fun with people you like spending time with. But instead you're complaining about the quality of gifts. Nice work.

I'm sorry, but assessing the cost value of a gift given to a child is almost the definition of grabby. Just spend less yourself next time - on both the party and the gifts for others.

From your OP -
We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

Just spend less yourself next time - on both the party and the gifts for others, and then you can chill.

A close friend of my ds came to every party he had from age 6 up to my son's last school party at 12. Not once did that child bring even a card or bag of sweets to the party. The last party was taking a group out to our local seaside town for bowling, pizza and arcade and said child produced spending money but still no card or present! However, the parties were all about my son having a great birthday with friends, I don't think he ever noticed the lack of card or present from his friend and the boy was/is a nice lad and a good friend.
Personally Op, I think you're being very mercenary and ungrateful picking over the presents. You don't offset the cost of the party with gifts!

I think a plain mug and teabags is a rubbish gift for a child.
I suppose you have to behave the same. Regift or spend very much less yourself.

@Jennybeans401 I don't think you're being mercenary at all.
Surely it doesn't take much more time to come up with a gift that your child will actually like & use? I would take it personally, as I'm sure you have.
Plus, I always think this is how well off people keep their income.. they really don't care!