Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

Come on, who thinks a cup and three teabags is even a vaguely suitable gift for a child? How exactly would you teach a child to appreciate that.

YANBU

I was really surprised at some of them presents my daughter received at her 6th birthday party. A pair of hair scrunches from Sainsbury. An origami set for a 12 year old! A little modelling clay tub that I’ve seen in Asda for £3.
I always put thought in to the gifts we give. In Reception we tended to give Orchard Toys games. In Yr 1 for the girls it would be a glitter tattoo set, or arts and crafts or a game. Always age appropriate and something my own children would be happy to receive.

I would rather parents put £5 in a card than give a present that lacks any thought or is a completely inappropriate regift.

I used to always check interests of the birthday child when they were younger. Now we just do vouchers

I have voted YANBU. The mug is totally bizarre. The cat was perhaps chosen by the child themselves. My dd has sometimes been given what I would consider not great presents. Eg In about year 5, her friend chose a present herself, which tbh I considered a bit of a waste of her mum’s money as dd was a bit meh about it but accepted with grace. It was a similar sort of gift to the cat. I am aware this probably gave the girl pleasure to choose the gift herself, which is also a learning curve for her and aware her mum was spending maybe £8 / £10 anyway. I’m not criticising, more offering an alternative pov as perhaps this is the case with the cat gift op?

As for the amount spent on the gift, I’ve read on here, some people have a one present rule rather than an amount. I struggle to wrap my head round that as I very much run on cost of gift but appreciate we are all different.

In any case, one thing I agree on with posters, is to spend less and perhaps to stick to cash. In primary, once whole class parties were out of the way, I gave or spent £10. This hasn’t changed in the past few years (dd is 14 now) so I would stick to that. I do give more now to certain friends eg £15 or £20 but am careful to not compete with parents. But there is a mum, who continues to give £10. I take her lead and give her dd about the same. She’s a single mum to two.

@Ihatemyroad what's wrong with hair scrunchies and modelling clay for a 6 year old? Surely that's exactly what 6 year olds like (unless your daughter has short hair so doesn't need scrunchies).
(Ok the 12+ set might have been too difficult but you could have helped her with it)

YABU. And very judgemental…we ‘have a hot tub and a big house’ and are broke. Please stop this mentality.

I think perhaps the cup with tea bags was intended for you OP - Perhaps to get you through the party 😊 If not then try not to take it personally, gift buying can be a tricky business & while some people give it a lot of thought it’s just a token to some people. I hope you still had all had lovely time at the party.

So you’ve learned a valuable lesson - other parents don’t put as much thought into gifts as you do 🤷‍♀️ That’s life 🤷‍♀️ Teach your daughter, and more importantly, yourself, to accept gifts graciously 🤷‍♀️

To be fair, I think if you're pushed for time/money etc then these sort of gifts for a child's birthday party aren't awful in the grand scheme of things.

I was given a Pandora gift card for £100 but 3 close friends recently (I hate Pandora!) which I'll have to try to resell or find something I like, but it's the thought that counts.

I've also had re-gifted presents or out of date items (Prosecco toppers was one but then they were out of date!). I'm the sort of person who wouldn't do that or has a present drawer for emergencies (don't have kids). I just accept that sometimes it is what it is.

I can’t imagine doing this, pricing up gifts like this. It’s really distasteful.

At your next party request no gifts.
Regifting can sometimes be a child's way to share toys or give a gift at least.
I find the gift buying expectations have changed to most not wanting any but by showing up is more important.

The thing here is if you say something you'll come across as ungrateful either on the gifts part or the party hosting part.

The NDN's to me have a big house (rented) with a sauna and it looks luxurious, but one is out of work, and recently one of them told me the sauna had to be switched off permanently as it eats too much electricity and what with rising bills etc.

Oh, on the subject of gifts. I recently took my nephew out (he's 4) and we went locally (near his house) to get him a toy and then spontaneously I saw a gift shop where I got his DM something to cheer him up. He chose his toy (not cheap!) but something he liked.

In the gift shop I saw espresso cups (know his DM likes these) but got him to choose the colour and then he saw a shiny sort of unicorn small ornament, not my choice but he thought his DM would like it and it was 'his choice' - he was adamant about it. I spoke to him DM the other day about this and presents and she said it was one of his close friends birthdays and took him to Flying Tiger to get a gift, he was adamant that various things he'd chosen his friend would love - his DM erred on the side of caution and got him a couple of things he liked and then chose a nice thing the friend would like (from her POV). Turned out friend liked all of it and their tastes change like the wind!

I do remember about that age a few 'grown up' presents being given - I wonder if this is what the child giving the present was thinking of?

In the current climate, both fiscally and environmentally, I applaud anyone regifting or buying second hand. We've already said no gifts for kids UNLESS they're regifts or second hand.

Our collective need and expectation for STUFF needs unpicking, fast.

YABU you don't throw a child a party to expect to receive expensive gifts.
You also have no idea on their finances or even how many parties they have to attend!

My DS has 6 parties in a month no way would I be spending £15 each on presents! I go to hobbycraft and the pocket money section!

They're random and slightly odd gifts, but you're being U to take it so seriously and think of it as a quid pro quo transaction.

Spend what you can afford on a party with no expectation of recouping the money somehow through presents.

I went to a joint birthday party at the weekend for two kids, the presents we took were random things from the cupboard that were badly wrapped because I've been ill, have had zero time to go to the shops, everything is a bit chaotic and that was the best I could do. It would have taken up the only hour or so I have to myself in the week to go out to buy a present, and I've run out of money this month anyway.

I'd imagine people with horses and buckets of cash are no more likely than anyone else to want to spend their spare time buying birthday presents.

You really have no idea what peoples financial situations are. A big house and horses might mean a crippling mortgage and Sky high vets bills. Don’t assume that people that appear to have a lot aren’t scratching around for money or aren’t up to their eyes in debt. I think £15 is too much to spend on a child’s present.

By Y5 I was definitely not paying attention to what gifts were given at birthdays- usually a money in the card job.

sounds like this is precisely why they are not broke!

agree,
it is distasteful

Yanbu to be disappointed. At age 10 and year 5 a colouring book and a packet of haribos isn't an age appropriate present it's maybe OK up till about age 6/7. You either continue to have parties and put it to one side and encourage your dd not to be bothered by these things or you arrange family birthday parties and the money saved actually goes on presents or fun days out for your own child.

My children are grown up now so I might be out of date, but when did it become a thing to expect decent gifts from your child's party guests? They were always a cheap and cheerful mix of tat from bargain stores with the odd nice thing as a bonus. You lay on the party for your child's benefit, you pay the amount for it you feel appropriate and invite the guests your child wants. You don't expect any form of recompense from nice gifts. Any reciprocality from the amount you laid out for the party comes from other children inviting your child to their parties I suppose. But you shouldn't expect that either.

no offense but I would HATE those gifts you listed, they are utter crap... I mean I didnt piss on your grandmothers grave so theres absoloutly no reason you should hate me enought to send glitter etc... to my house.

Totally inappropriate.