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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful gifts

221 replies

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 11:36

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 25/09/2022 13:16

If you can't stand tat, do no gifts parties. Then no one is excluded, due to parents having no money, either.

ladygindiva · 25/09/2022 13:19

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 11:52

Dd opened the robot cat, discovered it was just tat and can't be returned now. The gift giver is definitely not a fan of this toy and it's a regift. I have also seen her give a book (I bought for this girl) as a regift to another girl a few weeks ago at her party. Seems really a cheap thing to do!

How do you know the book was a regift ? Was it the only edition in print? Dd got bought a wonderful book as a gift once and it was so lovely we then purchased one for someone else who we thought would like it too. Is it not possible that occurred here ?

JaneJeffer · 25/09/2022 13:21

Tight as a duck's arse.

PlainOldMe80 · 25/09/2022 13:21

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 11:52

Dd opened the robot cat, discovered it was just tat and can't be returned now. The gift giver is definitely not a fan of this toy and it's a regift. I have also seen her give a book (I bought for this girl) as a regift to another girl a few weeks ago at her party. Seems really a cheap thing to do!

How do you know that the book you saw getting regifted was the exact book you bought her? Maybe she really enjoyed the book and decided to buy a new copy for her friends birthday?

Prinnny · 25/09/2022 13:29

Oh I think people are being harsh, of course it’s shit for your child to receive crap presents as it makes you feel like people couldn’t be arsed to make the effort for her!

Who would give a plain mug and teabags for a child, what a shit gift! Hopefully she had a nice time at the party!

IglesiasPiggl · 25/09/2022 13:38

Y5 is getting tricky for party presents, and is about the time some people switch to vouchers /cash. Just roll with it this year and maybe next year you/she can mention vouchers if asked.

Justleaveitblankthen · 25/09/2022 13:38

@Bbq1 Ah I feel really sorry for that lad. Poor kid must have known he was the only one not giving a gift 😔

properdoughnut · 25/09/2022 13:40

Just lower your expectations. Don't expect any gifts next time.

Iwanttoholdyourham · 25/09/2022 13:41

I got a couple of shit gifts around that age from friends from well-off homes. I can assure you, my friends chose the presents themselves, and I was slightly bemused at the quality of their gift giving, but I shrugged it off, because they were much better at being lovely friends to me than they were at choosing presents!

It was always obvious when a mum had chosen the gift rather than the actual friend. (I say mum, because when I was a kid, absolutely no one in my circle of mates had a dad for a main carer, and the women did all of the wife work.)

Some of my mates chose things that they liked (a memorable gift was a pair of gorgeous earrings from a friend with pierced ears - mine weren't), things that were generally trendy (so crazes that I wasn't into) and some panic bought random things (whatever was in Boots 3 for 2).

I can assure you, whatever the other children did or did not buy, it had zero impact on the quality of my friendships and which children did and didn't stay in touch.

I can think of a few friends back then who would have given a mug with tea bags in it for a gift. The mug would have been the 'real' gift, the tea bags would have either come with the mug or would have been added to jazz up the gift (regardless of whether tea was my beverage of choice - it would have been more of a prop than intended to be part of a present).

habibihabibi · 25/09/2022 13:58

Tangent but my kids have been to a few parties for 8+ aged kids where they have asked for pet food and items for an animal shelter. It is quite nice for a pet loving birthday child to go and donate the items. Both of mine want to do it this year too.

Schoolchoicesucks · 25/09/2022 14:05

I get that you find the gifts to be "thoughtless" and that's disappointing to you. Do you think the gifts came from the children or that the parents picked them out? 10 year old often aren't great at making choices, maybe they picked them up during a busy shopping trip - mum told them to grab something for your dd. The robot cat sounds as though it wasn't obviously tat until it was opened. Or maybe the parent forgot and grabbed something from the cupboard rather than turning up empty handed?

I think at 10 my dc had started gifting and being gifted cash from their friends so they could choose something/put it towards a bigger gift. It can be tough to find something that hits the right mark for £10-£15. A pp suggested colouring book and pens. My dc had loads of good quality colouring pens and wouldn't want extra sets of b&m ones. And preferred drawing their own things over colouring in.

Some people are rubbish at presents. The main thing is they came to celebrate your dd's birthday with her. Let it go. If it makes you feel better, invest less (time, effort and money) in buying gifts for your dd's friends. For all you know they may not be appreciated and their parents may be moaning about the clutter or duplicates etc.

Stationsofthecross · 25/09/2022 14:05

No OP - i would feel a bit bad about this too.

CulturePigeon · 25/09/2022 14:07

While it's a bit crass to evaluate presents by cost...I get what you're saying, OP.

Yes, we always found that it was the people rolling in money who gave the crappiest presents!! Both thoughtless (that's what hurts) and cheap.

Bbq1 · 25/09/2022 14:07

Justleaveitblankthen · 25/09/2022 13:38

@Bbq1 Ah I feel really sorry for that lad. Poor kid must have known he was the only one not giving a gift 😔

Me too. I wouldn't have dreamt of excluding him. His mum is nice too. I used to think that even if there wasn't much money spare she could have helped him make a card.

user1471597558 · 25/09/2022 14:29

Are these gifts from the children? It likely has nothing to do with parents income, and could be that £4 out of a £5 per week income is appropriate.

hattie43 · 25/09/2022 14:46

There's so many odd people on this thread . Of course OP is right to be disappointed about her DC's thoughtless rubbish gifts . How bad do they have to be before people see it's not nice , a bag of soil , fish food , HP sauce ?? Would you be appreciative of literally anything . It's not respectful to arrive with inappropriate tatt and it makes me wonder what kind of parents are happy to send their kids along with this .

StressyMcStressFace · 25/09/2022 14:52

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:54

@StressyMcStressFace I bought someone a lovely book, not regifted at all! It was the other parent who chose to regift it.

My apologies I took it to mean you had received them as regifts and were going to regift them on to others - the opposite of paying it forward in kindness if you will Grin

Needmorelego · 25/09/2022 14:54

@hattie43 of the ones she mentioned the only one that sounds really bad was the mug and tea bags.
Maybe the buyer wasn't paying attention and thought it was a paint your own one.
Just because she doesn't like a robot toy doesn't mean it's a rubbish toy.

Abraxan · 25/09/2022 15:04

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:54

@StressyMcStressFace I bought someone a lovely book, not regifted at all! It was the other parent who chose to regift it.

But what is wrong with regifting the book?

The present wasn't of use to them for whatever reason. Maybe they already had a copy, the topic/theme wasn't to the child's preference, it was too easy/too hard for the child, etc.

Why not pass it on as a gift to someone else?

antelopevalley · 25/09/2022 15:18

OP rich people are cheap. If you were in an ordinary neighbourhood you would have got better gifts.

Floomobal · 25/09/2022 15:23

Stop spending £15 on random kids! In Year 5, a fiver in a card is fine, and easy.

hattie43 · 25/09/2022 15:54

antelopevalley · 25/09/2022 15:18

OP rich people are cheap. If you were in an ordinary neighbourhood you would have got better gifts.

And the award for the most random sweeping generalisation goes to ......

mam0918 · 25/09/2022 16:05

erm... you know your not entitled to any gifts right?

I have been hosting big paries every year for my kids for over a decade, I can count on 1 hand the amount of gifts they have recieved. Most commonly is a card with £5 in but I would never even expect that, I dont do parties to get gifts they are so my children can have that experiance with friends.

I hoped this would be a light hearted thread about bad secret santa gifts and that wierdly inappropriate present someone got at 8 year old from their excentric aunt but no its just nasty entitled grabby gready post.

catfunk · 25/09/2022 16:07

YABU for expecting any gifts at all. It should not be a condition of coming to a party.

They ABU for regifting old shite, it's best just to take a card and not bother with gifts.

strawberriesarenot · 25/09/2022 16:08

In my experience, well off people are tight. And rich people are really tight.

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