Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

You sound very critical. As if you expect every parent should spend £15 because that is what you spend. Can't you just have a party for your child to enjoy without judging her gifts? If not maybe don't give her party next year.

I also think this is pretty grabby and small minded and a bad lesson to set your children.

I was always brought up to believe any gift should be accepted with grace and gratitude as opposed to being seen as an opportunity to judge the gift giver.

You really don’t know these parents circumstances. They may have far less money than they appear to have. They may be cash rich but incredibly time poor.

At the end of the day they took the trouble to find gifts for your DC and would be horrified that these were being mocked on Mumsnet.

Also what your child likes Art supplies, my child would hate, as hates drawing, colouring or painting. So my child would see Art supplies as a crap gift.

@Jennybeans401, the other parent chose to regift the book you bought because their kid did not like it or already had it. Just shows you are not so good at choosing gifts others will like as you think. A £10 gift card is what I always give plus a box of Malteasers. They can chose themselves a small gift or put towards a larger gift.

The issue isn't that you spent lots on the party and they didn't get good enough presents to match. The issue is they couldn't be bothered to take 10 minutes to get something their childs friend would like, just grabbed anything out of the cupboard. However knowing the exact price of everything is rather OTT. Tell DD they tried and if its a miss she can either look how she CAN enjoy it or pass it on.

@Jennybeans401 To be fair, the next time one of my kids gets invited to a party I'll put a lot less thought in.

Last few parties we went to were as follows: ask parent what child likes. Parent says, "oh, so and so is into anything". I buy something appropriate (last gift was a movie muffins baking kit, complete with a small whisk/ wooden spoon, and other baking accessories for a 6-y.o. girl) only for the kid to then openly sneer at my poor child's gift when they spent a lot of time with me choosing something we hoped they'd like. So I guess next time it's just some generic crap, given very little these days is truly appreciated.

@Michiru unless you know the child is really into baking surely that was a 'generic' gift ?
What sort of thing would you get instead?
(Sounded a nice gift to me - but not all people see cooking as fun - some see it as a chore)

Mum literally sent a text saying she is into anything. It was a Y1 class and I work full-time, so neither knew the parents nor the child, but, while generic, it was certainly not a crap gift and actually, I believe, quite well thought through (we got everything bar the eggs and milk needed (bowl, spoons, whisk etc.), plus a few additional baking gifts).

But next time I will not spend ages choosing - if the child likes anything, then even a bloody soft toy will do if it doesn't even generate a thanks, but a rude sneer at my child.

At that age, I would give my DC the money and ask them to choose a gift for their friend. So it might well be shit because kids aren't the best at putting themselves in the place of others and thinking about what they might like. I'd probably give a head's-up to the parents, though.

My 4yo wanted to buy a lurid unicorn cushion for their friend's birthday. Friend loves unicorns - would probably have loved the cushion. But the parents have a lovely tasteful neutral house, so we went for a book about unicorns and some unicorn stickers instead. I can't help feeling they owe me (even though they're entirely unaware of this 😁) for not inflicting that particular monstrosity on them.

Next time just add at the bottom of the invites 'Don't bother coming if you don't want to get a good enough gift' and that will solve your problems. You won't get any tat. You probably won't get any friends coming either though.

Whatever happened to the birthday parties where the birthday child's parents put on a bit of a spread at home and the handful of guests rocked up with a box of matchmakers and a card?

@orchiopera sounds great!! Bugger off if you bring crap gifts!!!

@Thepeopleversuswork time poor? I have dcs, one is disabled and I manage to find time to get a decent gift for dds close friends.

@hattie43 thank you, yes a bag of soil might make some people react!!

I paid money out to avoid having to have a ton of young children in my house having a party making a mess. So much easier to have the mess elsewhere and could just come home to peace and tranquility after a manic couple of hours or so.

I think that's a fab gift idea. We'd love that in our house!

🤣 Not interested in coming to parties organised by grabby ungrateful aresholes to be honest.

It isn't the price, it's the thoughtlessness of the gifts. For £5 you could buy something much more suitable. I've just Googled 'kids gift £5' and it came up with paint by numbers, a brainteaser puzzle, jigsaws, a Slinky, binoculars, bath bomb set and lots of other things.

Not interested in coming to parties organised by grabby ungrateful aresholes to be honest

This is really too much. The OP isn't grabby or ungrateful here, and calling someone an arsehole is not on. Where I am - ordinary, mixed area- you would never go to a party empty-handed. I would rather my child not attend if I didn't have a spare £5. I'm not in this position, thankfully, but I have turned down wedding invitations on the basis of not being able to afford 5 in one year (travel/ accom/ clothing/ present).

Only once in many, many years of parties (Inc teens) have my DC received nothing, and this was only because I told the parent not to bring anything (I knew their circumstances were tough). So, I disagree: there is an expectation to bring a small gift/ card with £5/£10 in when you're inviter to a party. It's a social norm you can't deny.

DS1 is still giving gifts at parties aged 18- but it's usually a bottle of their favourite tipple/ supermarket Champagne/ Cava.😆

@orchiopera then I'm an arsehole as well.So what if the OP expects a gift that their dc might actually use/enjoy?! I agree with @GlassDeli , so many nice things that cost around £5. It sounds like the OP invited the dcs close friends so it's not unreasonable to expect something the birthday child might want opposed to random crap.

@ShepherdMoons unless you really really know what type of stuff the child is into how on earth are you going to know if something is 'random crap' ?
What's amazing to one child can be of zero interest to another. Does it make it 'crap' ? No. Not always.

@Puffalicious how lucky you are that in your 'ordinary mixed area' you're not in the position where you can't afford £5. Many many families right now are not in that position. A gift is not a requirement of attending a party. And it is grabby to presume that everyone attending can afford to or even wants to spend money on someone else's children.

@ShepherdMoons well yes you just be then. A party is for the child to enjoy spending time with their friends. Not for gifts.

Your so materialistic your place items above people and quality time?
You wouldnt let your kids have fun with their friends because of that?

What an utterly AWFUL message to send to your kids and clearly stems from grabbiness... most people want time not money and things, they took the time to invite your child because they want their child and your child to share an experiance. Its downright rude to turn them down and leave the birthday child without a friend over such a pathetic reason that no one asked for or cared about.

A child will not notice if you didnt bring a gift, the certainly will not dwell on it (unless there parents constantly remind them and reinforce this awfulness) but they WILL remember the year their friends didnt come to their party.

Here we go , the poverty get out of jail card . OP has never said it's about money but the inappropriateness of the gifts . Most people can see 3 teabags takes some kind of thought process to think that's suitable for a young child .