Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

The cup with teabags is a really crap gift. How strange!

Honestly we aren't what people would consider poor but with costs rising every time my kids bring home an invitation my heart sinks a little because of the gifts. If there's an obligation for wonderful gifts then maybe spend less on a party and get the wonderful gifts yourself.

But by the sounds of it these parents are not poor, they are just happy to give out crappy presents! You can buy a pack of malteasers and something from hobbycraft, or just stick a fiver in a card!

I agree. I think you're justifiably upset. A thoughtful gift needn't cost much. It's the principle

Love this !

Who should put the 'thought' into the gift though? The friend of the birthday child or the friend's parent?

I try to get my DC to think about what they think their friends would like and DC is young enough that I 'edit' their choices to make them more acceptable to child/parent. But at some point surely children should take over choosing and buying for their own friends even if they get it wrong and it's shit sometimes. And I would have thought definitely by age 9/10.

Whilst I think the cup and tea bags are a weird gift there should be no expectation of gifts or the value of them. I'm quite shocked you spend £15 quid on kids party gifts, people don't tend to spend that much on classmates birthdays.

Wow! Yes very ungrateful, so materialistic, I hope you didn’t say all this in front of your daughter,
unless it’s someone close I get thoughtful gifts for around £5, my children choose what to get too. So what if they have horses etc. I think your attitude is quite disgusting, I really hope your children aren’t the same. We never throw parties to receive gifts, we throw parties to celebrate a birthday.

Well I’m kind of with you OP. I’d prefer people bought no gifts and just came and enjoyed the party than bringing tat that I subsequently have to get rid of. I’ve toyed with the idea of just saying ‘no gifts required’ on the invitation, but DH shut me down on that.
DD also hates tat and would rather have a couple of quid or a bar of Dairy Milk.

I used to dread party invites because on the outside we seemed fine. But we were far from it. Finding £5 for a gift just wasn't possible a lot of the time. But I couldn't tell my DD she had to miss a party because I couldn't buy a good enough gift. We'd do our best in Poundland, I kept a few of her own presents back if she got too many on her own birthday to gift to others too. Sometimes gifts would be a bit shit. But the effort that went into them would of been huge.

If they're year 5 it might be the kids are buying with their own pocket money. £3 is a lot to a kid.

By Y5, the friends generally aren't just randomers but a close group of girls, and it's likely the mums know each other too.
I knew DD's friends and their mums well by that age, friends often came for tea/I saw the mums at other parties.
We did a climbing party at that age and the sleepover tents in Y6.
DD received thoughtful gifts like nice pyjamas, stuff from Claires access, teddies, homemade cards etc from her nice group of 5 friends.
So YANBU

I can see it both ways. Am shocked that party gifts are still a fiver. They were that when 20 years ago, rising to a tenner ten years later.

The parties were an absolute ball-ache. I used to buy footballs, hat, shin pads, gloves, little lego sets for the boys; little Polly pocket, craft sets, (later shit from Claires and flip flips) for the girls. Wrap it up and bung it under the stairs.

You don't have children's parties to obtain quality gifts though. The quality birthday gifts come from you, not your child's friend or some parent who doesn't really know your child!

You'll be a lot happier about this if you stop having expectations like this. Just shove a bank note in a card (with a bar of chocolate or similar if necessary) and call it good. You're setting yourself up for anguish when you care about that stuff, as the majority of other parents don't. Not everyone has the headspace.

FWIW I used to buy items from Early Learning Centre in their sales to gift, and while they were better quality than things from B&M they probably weren't any more closer to the birthday child's dream present, were they?

You can't make people buy the kind of kids' party presents that you want, so you'll have to adjust your thinking towards a more casual gifting system. You'll feel better for it in the long run.

Lesson learned OP it’s often like this. And if it’s something that’s an ok gift but just not what dd is interested in I’ve regifted myself to avoid wasting stuff completely. Need to be careful who it goes to though!
maybe you’re spending too much, lower your budget to match theirs?

How ungrateful are you!! It’s not about the gifts it’s about all the children having fun.

Yeah rich doesn't equal thoughtful and generous.

This is absolutely spot on - so entitled and embarrassing 😳

The OP put effort into ensuring the children had fun. She’s got that bit covered. It’s the guests handing off thoughtless junk under the guise of present who don’t seem to care about making things fun.

Would you give a friend aged 10 a cup with three tea bags in it?!

No. That is a shit and thoughtless present. I don't know why people are justifying it. A bar of chocolate would have been better.

@hattie43 what a nasty attitude - 'poverty get out jail free'.

If kids get invited to many parties throughout the year gifts can work out expensive so it's easier if all parents didn't spend much to make it fair. Everyone is struggling.

dd had a party in the summer, a whole class party so about 20 kids and gifts, her favourite gifts were the crafty things, some kid just got her a bag of haribo and no card despite that his dad brought 3 other kids with him who all joined in, but I can't be mad, times are hard! One kid got her a LOL set worth around £40 , I cannot imagine her parents spent that much as they aren't close friends, I can only assume it was a re gift as the girl doesn't seem like the type to be into LOL but Dd loved it.

I would feel more guilty if a lot of money was spent on gifts. We didn't hold the party for gifts, it was her first ever party due to covid. She just wanted all her friends there

I don’t see what’s wrong with re-gifting - as long as you keep tabs on who gave what. My dd invites so many children to Gdcs’ birthday parties, the number of presents is just daft - she always puts some away for future birthday parties.

Having said that, though, I can’t imagine who would think a mug and teabags are a suitable present for a young child!

As for cost, though, from experience, young children are often delighted with (to adult eyes) very cheap tat. A Gds’ very favourite thing recently was a squishy black slug that cost about £3 from one of the dreaded gift shops at some play park place.

You’re not being grabby. People coming to a party don’t need to bring expensive gifts but even a nice home made card would have been better than re gifted tat. It’s just basic manners.
OP you really do not need to spend £15 on gifts though, please!

Well obviously the book you got somebody else wasn’t well received either if you saw it being regifted, so maybe it is just different tastes or views on what is acceptable,

If these are close friends, youre not unreasonable.
£5 b and m tat is ok as a gift where the whole class gets invited.
Special or close friends youd expect a little more thought and a higher budget.
Id be disappointed too