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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful gifts

221 replies

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 11:36

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

OP posts:
Wheresmymoneytree · 25/09/2022 12:20

Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 11:52

Dd opened the robot cat, discovered it was just tat and can't be returned now. The gift giver is definitely not a fan of this toy and it's a regift. I have also seen her give a book (I bought for this girl) as a regift to another girl a few weeks ago at her party. Seems really a cheap thing to do!

Seems like you don’t give thoughtful gifts the kids will like either.

Yesnoormaybe · 25/09/2022 12:23

Op maybe the children have to use their pocket money to buy the presents and the children chose them.

JimJamJolly · 25/09/2022 12:26

Please don't assume other people's financial circumstances.
Just because they appear to be wealthy doesn't mean they might be having temporary financial issues.
On the surface, we look financially secure. Nice home, went on a nice holiday earlier this year. But due to some unexpected personal circumstances, we are going to be pretty much hand to mouth for the next few months. We've got a very dear friends special birthday party next weekend and I'd love to buy her something really special, but just don't have the finances.
What would you prefer.... Your daughter's friends not turn up to the party just because they don't have an expensive gift to bring with them?
I'm sure your daughter would prefer her friends to come to her party and have fun

user1477391263 · 25/09/2022 12:27

Op maybe the children have to use their pocket money to buy the presents and the children chose them.

That's what I was about to say. If they're 10, it's likely the kids themselves chose them.

Honestly, OP, if you don't want "tat" and you are genuinely not a grabby person, maybe it's time to start a trend for no-gift parties or ask people to contribute a food item to the party? I always do no-gift parties and ask for a food contribution to the party instead, because it saves this kind of awkward embarrassment about buying too much/too little/the wrong thing, and because my kids don't need any more clutter.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:28

@user1477391263 sounds like a great idea

OP posts:
whyayepetal · 25/09/2022 12:29

I don’t think OP is worried about the price paid for the gift - it’s more about it being thoughtful (something the child would like, or if you don’t know what that might be, then something that is at least usable and not an obvious re-gift).

I

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:29

If grabby is just expecting something that we won't chuck in the bin then maybe I'm grabby!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:30

@whyayepetal yes, thank you thats exactly it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 25/09/2022 12:31

Maybe said friend didn't think we had tea bags in the house. Odd.

OP posts:
Ahf22 · 25/09/2022 12:31

Yep you’re being grabby and pricing up the gifts and comparing them to yours is really crass.

CovertImage · 25/09/2022 12:33

Yep you’re being grabby and pricing up the gifts and comparing them to yours is really crass.

Agree 100%

HamiltonFan1 · 25/09/2022 12:33

YANBU

It's shit when people put 0 effort into gifts for others, it doesn't have to be expensive but at least try and get something the recipient would like.

A mug and teabags is a really odd gift for a child too

FatCatSkinnyRat · 25/09/2022 12:33

@whyayepetal she made a specific effort to price up the gifts in B&M!

thebear1 · 25/09/2022 12:33

By year 5 I stick a £10 in a card, child can enjoy spending it and I don't have to attempt to get the right gift for a child I probably don't know well. But appreciate not every parent has that money spare.

Musti · 25/09/2022 12:34

Weird gifts. My kids have usually had nice presents from their friends. You had bad luck

Needmorelego · 25/09/2022 12:34

@Jennybeans401 learning opportunity for your child.....
She could study the robot cat. What makes it cheap? What makes it 'tat'? Could she design better? Could she design better but also keeping at low cost?
She might only be 10 but in 25 years time she could be a millionaire as Executive Director of Big Toy Company who make quality but cheap non tat toys.
Ok.... being slightly sarcastic but did she refer to the cat as 'tat' or did she?
I hate that word.
Give the cat to a charity shop. Some child will love it.

Mybumlooksbig · 25/09/2022 12:35

Oh shit... I presumed kids parties were a chance to regift the tatt your own kids have been given.

Cleothecat75 · 25/09/2022 12:35

The cost of the present you bring to the party isn’t meant to cover the cost of your attendance.I really hate that people think it does. If you feel your child needs more stuff, don’t hold a party and buy them what they want yourself with the saved money. I don’t get the tea bags as a present, but maybe the child chose it themselves? Send it to the charity shop if you don’t want it.

and if you can’t afford £15 a present, don’t spend that much.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2022 12:36

You don’t know their financial circumstances. Appearances can be deceptive. Lots of people who have never had to cut back before are having to do so now.
it was your choice to pay for a party.

Cheeselog · 25/09/2022 12:36

Yanbu OP - a plain mug and teabags is a really bizarre gift for a child. Surely they could have bought some sweets for less money that would have been more appropriate!

Needmorelego · 25/09/2022 12:36

@Jennybeans401 also I hope you aren't "chucking in the bin" the toy cat just because you (your daughter) doesn't like it.
Now that is a wasteful thing to do and more appalling than giving a 'bad' gift.

KikoLemons · 25/09/2022 12:37

Arrange parties and ask for no gifts. Agree that with the friendship group. (We did as after Yr 3 we realised that whole class parties meant huge pressure and expense - and 20++ gifts that had to be bought in a year).

Stops the awful pressure.

Your DD doesn't really need or want anything from the sound of it and the party you arranged was for her to be a bit spoilt on her birthday - not so you could get presents.
Being asked to a party isn't always wonderful and you might be surprised that not everyone believed you were "thoughtful". ("Thoughtfulness" isn't judged by how much time actually was spent thinking but by whether the gift/result was enjoyed by the recipient. As you've just proved.)

andtheweedonkey · 25/09/2022 12:38

When it's their birthdays, give the cup with the tea bags to the one that gave the robotic cat - and the robotic cat to the cup n tea bags...

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 25/09/2022 12:39

IMO a lot of people who look rich and have a lot of trappings are really mean with money.

Muddywaters1 · 25/09/2022 12:43

Op, I think people are being unnecessarily harsh. I'd never send my kids to a party with a rubbish gift - even on a budget, for my daughters friends, I'll get a book, 'trinket', some stickers, funky pen/colouring pencils, maybe a small soft toy. If my slightly older sons friends dont have a specific interest, I'll pop £10 in a card. YANBU to expect at least a little thought