Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

@Michiru the child who sneered needs to be taught some manners! Very upsetting for your own child - children do often take such things to heart.

This. You sound very grabby

You don't give (a party) to receive!

Did DD open the robot cat & immediately declare it as "tat"? Or was that opinion formed by you telling her it was tat? Does DD like cats in general?

In my experience, slightly odd gifts either turn out to be last minute desperation along the lines of "oh shit, it's Susie's party in 20 minutes, we can't go without a gift. What have we got?" OR the gift decision has been made by the friend. Maybe DD's friend loves a cup of tea & thought that was a great thing to give. Also worth remembering lots of people no longer have physical cash on them to do the £5 in a card thing.

I've always considered a party to be successful if people have taken the time out of their weekend to come & everyone has enjoyed themselves. I really hope your DD hasn't gone into school this morning ready to share your opinion of her gifts 🙄.

I feel some posters are missing the point -instead of buying craft items which can be purchased cheaply and would be appreciated, they are using stuff they already have or re- gifting inappropriate stuff to save money.
Its this lack of thought that hurts, not the value of the gift

I started out spending about £15 on kids party presents but soon realised how ridiculous that was as we must have around 15+ party's a year, we also have 3 children, 2 are prime party age. Add a card and wrapping it was silly. So now the budget is £5-£10 as the sheer number we have to buy. Without sounding brash we aren't poor we could afford to spend more but over £600 on gifts for other kids who I don't really know who will merely add them to the mountain of other toys, no. We don't re gift and do buy something we think they will like, but I'd never spend £15. When we host a party I make of point of saying a gift isn't necessary, it isn't, we live in a fairly expensive area, but you never know, I don't want a child to miss out because they can't afford a present, people who appear wealthy are actually poor as they are funding a lifestyle, so your comment about them being wealthy, you don't actually know that!

Spend less on the party and gifts for others if you aren't seeing a "return" on what you are spending.

I don’t think you are being grabby or unreasonable! You arranged a lovely party for your daughter and invited her friends! I too would expect presents that were reasonable and suited to my daughters age and interests. Some people are just thoughtless when selecting presents. Someone said recycle the tat, but I think you are that type of person who would feel guilty and out of character doing this. You are doing the right thing by buying nice presents for other peoples children.

I totally agree with you on this OP, although I couldn’t care less about how much people spend, it’s about the thought ( or lack of).
I always put thought into peoples gifts and make sure that however much I spend it’s on something they will use and enjoy, in fact I pride myself on being a thoughtful gift giver. So it really narks me when people just seem to not give a shit, it’s as if people just give things to say they’ve given something whilst managing to put zero thought or effort into it. The amount of times I’ve told my MIL I don’t use a certain skincare brand and she still insists on buying it for me, I find it utterly bizarre, and it annoys me no end to be given a load of tat that I end up having to make the effort to get rid of or donate.

I think it's disappointing when people don't put in as much effort and thought as you do.

I do think you are spending too much though. I used to do a little stockpile of gifts. I would buy some 3 for 2 gifts or pick some up from The Works. I then had a ready pile of gifts whenever a party invite came in. Craft stuff always went down well.

This would work out at around £6 a gift but would look like I spent more.

Bro cat was fine but a cup????? with tea bags????? seriously! They should have researched for gifting. It's okay to spend less but at least should bring gifts which one can use lol

It depends on why you are having a party for your small child. If it's for her to enjoy a fun time with her friends, and that's what happened, then it doesn't matter.
BUT, if you are holding the party to get more gifts for your child, then you will have to point this out on the invites - maybe add a list of acceptable gifts, minimum required spend.

Sound a bit of a rude thing to do? Well, it is. As is bitching about the quality of gifts recieved.

Yes, a cup and tea bags is weird, but sometimes the children choose gifts and they get odd ideas as to what they want to buy, just go with it! And maybe robot cat was all the mum had to hand, and brought it along rather than going empty-handed.

It feels as though you are judging these people by what you perceived they should give, and are upset because they didn't live up to them. You will continue to live with disappointment if you carry on this way. Let it go and reevaluate your approach. If you feel better choosing a quality gift, carry on. But if you feel better matching the level that was received, do that.

You are blessed with a child who has friends that want to share her party, guide her to be a person that values people and not material goods. Also to value those people for themselves, not what they can do or give to her. Xx

YANBU. Thoughtless gifts, pretty rubbish. It's not like they go to loads of parties age 10, and the friendships are closer. Nothing like in reception when they go to big parties most weekends and you have a pile of random, cheap presents. I would expect the child to be more involved at that age too. My dd turned 10 this year and was involved in choosing presents for her friends. She has ASD and isn't v mature for her age either. If they didn't know what to get your dd, a tenner would have been a better choice!

YANBU
The price of the gifts is irrelevant, the the lack of thought isn’t.

I think if you only assessed your daughters interests, and the quality of the items, you might appear less grabby (although as I'm typing this it does sound grabby and ungrateful), but speaking about the prices and that the families "have money" is bang out of order.

Regifting should be encouraged. We all have way too much tat. Consider the environmental cost of production, only to end up in landfill leeching toxic plastic chemicals into the soil and water table. I think kids need a safe planet more than brand new toys.

yeah thats what stands out to me too.

It not OP having a light laugh at the time one of her young kids got gifted a mug and teabags which is an 'odd' present. It's that she took the time to price up gifts and decided finacially it wasnt good enough from what she assumes to be rich people. (Horse people never have money, the sheer act of owning a horse costs a fortune... I mean if they sold their horse they would likely have money but what they have is a pet thats a bottomless pit of expensive finacial obligation).

My DS birthday is soon and I bought him a robot cat myself, just because OP doesnt like it doesnt mean its 'crap'. With the release of 'Lightyear' and its standout star being Sox robot cats are now back in fashion.

My dd seemed to get several bead /Jewellery sets every year for about 3 years.
She never touched them and they went straight to the charity shop.
To be fair though they had been chosen for her, she just hated them.
Fortunately we didn’t open gifts until after the party because her face said it all!

If they regifted the book it can't have been that thoughtful!!!!

If your party goers are regifting presents they received then the original gifted must have also thought the present was suitable in the first place.

So that's three confirmed people who have either regifted a gift you bought, or, chosen/regifted something you think is tat.

Maybe you have different ideas of what makes a good gift to these people? It's no big deal surely.

As others have said you should be teaching your daughter to appreciate whatever her friends think is a suitable gift.

A cup with 3 teabags isn't a suitable gift for anyone, much less a 10yo child.

Possibly would get away with it for office secret santa, but I can't imagine anyone feeling grateful for crap like that.

If you accept an invitation to a child's birthday party at least have the grace to take them something nice. Even A £5 voucher would have been better if money is tight.

People can be so shitty.

Cash is so tight right now for people that I would personally just be thankful that you're able to throw a party and that your DD had nice friends who came and brought something. Gifts are a token, it's irrelevant how much you spend on other people's children. That's your own decision. I find it hard to believe that anyone would give a mug and teabags to a child, any chance that was for you?

Regifting should be the norm but not regifting any old crap! Thought should also be given to the recipient. If I gave my elderly female neighbour a man’s tie (one of DH’s unwanted gifts), it is not ok merely because I am recycling. Gifting a ten year old teabags is not ok.
My once six year old was once gifted part of a Baylis and Harding foot care set.

They do at our school. I didn't realise as due to COVID my son had a party cancelled, then one was impossible, so he attended quite a few before having one in may just there. He got lovely presents (to him). Nerf guns, expensive Lego, some designer clothes even. Most seemed to spend at least £20 I imagine, some lots more and I felt bad as I usually spend around £10. Well I did before that. Now I feel pressured to spend more.

I can't imagine how anyone could justify that, it is clearly an unsuitable present for a child.

YANBU - by Y5 and with close friends I'd expect people to come up with something a bit more personal (and I love it when kids are actually into crafts.... easiest to buy for!). But even just a big bar of her favourite chocolate or whatever other consumable would come in under £5.

We're in peak party stage and I try to minimise tat but you go to a party of 30 kids and you can almost see the landfill piling up in front of you. I'm happy to give a plastic dino or a doll accessory set or whatever if Tim or Mary are into dinos or dolls, but as a random shot in the dark I'd always go with something consumable.

They are rubbish presents, but YABU to spend £15 on presents for your child's friends, and YABU to think that the amount you spent on activities and food should be "repaid" in gifts from the guests.

Some people simply don't put as much importance into gifts as others do (giving or receiving).

Just lower your standards next time you buy gifts for those particular people.