Awful gifts

[Jennybeans401]

Not being ungrateful...or trying not to..but dd had a birthday party (y5) and invited some close friends. We spent a lot of money on the activities and food. The gifts though were really awful, a cup (plain) with three tea bags (??) £3 from B&M from one friends When dd doesn't drink tea. A cheap robotic cat from a another friend again from B&M which looked like a regift as not remotely something dd would us, again B&M £4.

One of the friends bought crafts and drawing pencils which was lovely as dd loves to draw so thoughtful.

AIBU to feel annoyed? The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. I'm widowed with a much lower income and always spent about £15 on a gift.

I do not think you are being grabby, but in future I would not spend the amount you do on gifts for other children.
My neighbour was telling me her 6yr old grand daughter had a birthday party and she was given a small cactus as a present, not sure if that was an insult or not lol.

A mug is actually a great present for that age - my kids still use their "own" mugs that they got for xmas/ bdays. Hot chocolate, soup, even juice or smoothie or for pencils, stationery on their desks. Mt DS's pride and joy is his football team mug! So it depends on the kid - and the giver is not "thoughtless2 for getting it wrong.

(It probably came with the bags because it was a "gift packaged" or a character mug. The giver might not even have noticed)

Why are you continuing the regifting process by passing your shit tat onto someone else when you clearly think "it's a cheap thing to do"? It's pretty obvious that if you don't like it others probably won't either!

I'd always prefer someone to come with a rubbish re-gift (or nothing), then not come because they can't/ don't want to spend £15.

Love the way you’re getting slammed on here for being justifiably annoyed when your child gets given a load of crap 😂 It’s different if the family of the giver are skint and that’s all they can afford but when they aren’t it’s more than irritating. When our kids were young if we sent invitations to an event being held somewhere eg at a zoo or bowling alley or something, you could guarantee invited kids would arrive PLUS their siblings that their comfortably off parents would palm off on us so we had to pay for them.
And as a rule the people whose kids are getting the riding lessons, the violin lessons etc etc aren’t short of money. The more they have the tighter they are !

Yep you’re being grabby and pricing up the gifts and comparing them to yours is really crass.

I think that's a bit unfair. If the OP is someone who likes giving presents and puts a lot of thought into it, I can understand feeling a bit disappointed that gifts appeared to clumsy regifts or an afterthought.

But OP, I really wouldn't read too much into this. The kids themselves may well have bought them with their own money, if they are 10. And on two occasions, I've been about to step out the door to take a kid to a BDAY party and have had an "oh shit" moment and have had to hurriedly wrap something up from the regift bag that lives in my wardrobe. Once because I was just busy and forgot, and the other time because actually most of the people I know ask for "no gifts," so I didn't think to get one, until it suddenly occurred to me at the last minute that the friend had NOT said "no gifts".... so....

@StressyMcStressFace the OP is saying the robot cat is "shit tat" - to another child it could be a great toy.
I hope she gives it to a charity shop.

I'm with you on this OP but I'm also with the gift givers too.
Those presents are objectively rubbish - but your £15 is also way too much .
I don't mind regifting as a rule , but agree it has to suit the person.
I have a simple formula for kids gifts - a gift bag stuffed with treats (I buy them in with my weekly shop)
They go down so well as kids are not normally allowed lots of sweets all to themselves, plus they are consumables so don't clutter the parents house

You spend £15 I think you’re the exception there.

It sounds a bit crass to price up the gifts. If you don’t want ‘tat’, ask for people to not bring gifts instead.

I really want to know exactly what robot cat this is....cos I am just nosy and want to know if the OP is a snob 🤣
I too can only find the £12.99 one on the website - and it looks quite fun.

This! Really harsh responses here. A card and sweets/ a book from a charity shop costs very little. I think those calling you grabby need to get a grip. Over the years with 3 DC I've had everything from a £30 hoody to nothing- but never a mug with 3 teabags. Thoughtless and unnecessary.

YABU! You don't hold a party for your daughter's birthday in order to receive gifts from the attendees, do you? The giving of a gift is optional, surely, rather than an obligation?

We never used to spend as much as £15 on a school friends gift unless a best friend. Neither did anyone else. The normal was a maximum of £10, and some of the parents were very wealthy. It just wasn't the norm locally. Regifting is also very normal.

I wouldn't focus on the gifts. Did Dd enjoy her party and enjoy spending time with her friends? If so, then job done - the money you spent on the party and activities have done their job. They made your child happy, which is supposed to be the whole point of throwing a party, surely?

You don't get rich by spending it!

@StressyMcStressFace I bought someone a lovely book, not regifted at all! It was the other parent who chose to regift it.

@Jennybeans401 you are being totally reasonable and I agree with you. My DC have been given things that I could never give to another child when they had parties. I know a party isn’t just to get gifts for your DC, but I would appreciate the effort of just even giving the children a nice card (handmade would be just fab!) but they have been given proper stonkers that we have just given to the charity shop. It’s not about going all out but just a nice key chain, or a nice card would show a little thought and care.

She has said: The the mums have horses, hot tubs, big homes and partners with really high salaries. They are not women who don't have access to cash!

B y year five I was buying a share bar of chocolate and sticking a note on the front and wrapping, it always seemed well received. I tend to think the presents from kids at parties a bit unnecessary tbh as having a good time with their friends is enough.

I don't think you're 'grabby' as you've stated several times something cheap is fine but you probably are being unreasonable to expect a lot of thought to go into this sort of thing. Most of the parents probably don't know your child very well and finding the time can be hard too so they just grab the nearest thing.

@Jennybeans401 whoever received the book obviously wasn't fussed that it was a 'lovely' book if they passed it on 🤣

I bet the person who gave the tea bags thought they had some hot choc sachets and panicked when they realised they'd run out.

I sympathise. Gifts are part of birthdays and it’s ok to want that for your child. I’ve always thrown the best parties I can for my DD because her father is dead, her grandparents are uninvolved and neither of us have siblings. So otherwise it’s just me and her, like every other day. The gifts have always been the cheapest tat (although never quite as bad the teabags!). Yet another deficit for me to try to compensate for. I feel so sorry for my kid and I wish I could make other people be there for her. But I can’t. I can only show up for her. As hard as I can.

I always try to get something the birthday child will like either by asking my kids what they typically play with or asking the birthday parent. Usually they come back with a vague “oh he likes anything really” or “she’s already got so much” which leaves me with no idea, especially if my child doesn’t normally play with them. I stick to 2 rules when giving gifts 1) would my child enjoy it? 2) is it “good enough” to regift if that child doesn’t?
I’d like to think that you would do the same and regift the tat you have been given! At the end of the day if the child isn’t going to play with it, it goes into my rewrap pile ready for the next birthday!

The parents if the kids who bought the gifts from B&M are probably struggling to feed their kids aswell as themselves atm as well as heat their homes.

We are all living in a cost of living crisis. Disposable income is a luxury for the few nowadays and not the many.