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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this isn’t appropriate?

176 replies

Acrosstheseas · 12/09/2022 22:07

I was speaking to someone I don’t know very well, only an acquaintance. But she shocked me when she told me this.
She said her and her husband have a girlfriend they share and they’ve explained to their young children that some relationships include more than 2 people…

I’m trying hard not to be judgemental, but does anyone else find this inappropriate?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 12/09/2022 22:09

Yep, it wouldn't be for me and I think it is confusing for the children.

AlsoknownasOther · 12/09/2022 22:11

I'm going with none of your business.

I mean so long as they aren't having sex in front of the kids or describing it in detail to them it really doesn't harm anyone.

WhatIsThisMad · 12/09/2022 22:12

Different strokes for different folks. Not my thing! I wonder how the child will be impacted. I guess if the mum, dad and gf are all good parents it will all be fine. Confusing, but fine!

Snugglemonkey · 12/09/2022 22:23

This really is nothing to do with you!

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/09/2022 22:28

Yes it is inappropriate to share your sexual preferences with acquaintances, attention seeking at best.

nachoavocado · 12/09/2022 22:29

How did this come up in conversation

Mythreefavouritethings · 12/09/2022 22:38

Beam me up 🙄

MessyBunPersonified · 12/09/2022 22:39

When I chat

MessyBunPersonified · 12/09/2022 22:39

When I chat with an acquaintance it's usually about the weather 🤣

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/09/2022 22:40

Inappropriate conversation with an acquaintance, yes.

TQIDLLTK · 12/09/2022 22:44

If that did happen then perhaps she's testing the water?

TimeForTeaAndG · 12/09/2022 22:48

So they're polyamorous/non-monogamous/however they choose to define their relationships.

What's inappropriate? Would you feel it inappropriate if an acquaintance was talking about their girl/boyfriend in a monogamous relationship set up? My DD asked me how many boy/girlfriends you're allowed and I asked her whether she meant at one time or in total over a lifetime. She said at one time and I told her so long as everyone is aware of everyone else and happy then you can have as many as you want.

CallMeLinda · 12/09/2022 22:49

Nothing wrong with consenting adults doing their thing. Nothing wrong with explaining in age-appropriate terms, if appropriate (eg if the gf is living with them or similar)
Definitely weird to tell someone you don't know well, though!

ManateeFair · 12/09/2022 22:49

What’s it got to do with you?

StoneofDestiny · 12/09/2022 22:53

Well - going against the flow here, but I'd say these kids will grow up pretty confused. As for sharing that level of intimacy with an acquaintance - geezo.

WhiskerPatrol · 12/09/2022 22:54

Disgusting. And there aren't many threesomes where 3/3 people are genuinely happy.

CallMeLinda · 12/09/2022 22:54

ManateeFair · 12/09/2022 22:49

What’s it got to do with you?

In fairness, the person made it OPs business when she shared the info.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/09/2022 22:55

‘A girlfriend they share’….sort of like a pizza, then?

NumberTheory · 12/09/2022 22:58

Are you shocked that they don’t have a monogamous relationship or that she told you about it?

AlsoknownasOther · 12/09/2022 23:00

StoneofDestiny · 12/09/2022 22:53

Well - going against the flow here, but I'd say these kids will grow up pretty confused. As for sharing that level of intimacy with an acquaintance - geezo.

Unlikely, children are much more open minded and less lively you get confused than adults with accumulated cultural context.

After all, monogamy isn't universal and other cultures & religions being their children up just fine.

AlsoknownasOther · 12/09/2022 23:01

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/09/2022 22:55

‘A girlfriend they share’….sort of like a pizza, then?

Dammit, now I want a relationship and pizza.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 12/09/2022 23:10

Way to fuck up the kids’ view of relationships.

There have been plenty of programmes over the years following sects where they have multiple wives, and the kids always seem somewhat screwed up by the fact.

I’d say shag whoever you want behind closed doors, but having threesomes essentially in plain sight of your kids is grim. And I’d say that he telling you about it was just her being smug.

fairycakes1234 · 13/09/2022 11:01

i think its inappropriate

FlissyPaps · 13/09/2022 11:05

It would be incredibly confusing for the children but it really doesn’t have anything to do with you.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 13/09/2022 11:07

This is a 'you do you' thing IMO.

A longstanding friend of one of my brothers is in a throuple. (They're all lesbians.) Seems to work for them; the three of them have all been together for over 15 years now. Is it for everyone? No. Is it for them? Absolutely.

I think if all three people in the relationship feel an equality/equal stakes within the relationship, why is it different to any other relationship? Some people (a minority, but still a reasonable chunk of the population) aren't naturally monogamous.

When situations like this don't work, it's when the third person has lower/less status within the relationship than the 'core' couple. This always ends badly (apparently).

I don't think you get to approve or disapprove of anyone else's relationship unless there's illegal behaviour going on, or someone's getting hurt.

If there's no illegal behaviour going on, and no one's getting hurt, keep your beak firmly out.