To feel this isn’t appropriate?

[Acrosstheseas]

I was speaking to someone I don’t know very well, only an acquaintance. But she shocked me when she told me this.
She said her and her husband have a girlfriend they share and they’ve explained to their young children that some relationships include more than 2 people…

I’m trying hard not to be judgemental, but does anyone else find this inappropriate?

Vasectomies arent 100 percent. I've met a Vasectomy baby or two in my time.

Surely these things would have ro be worked out.

Could you afford to live just 2 of you?

How attached are any kids to the third person?

You have two people who are married and one person who isn't but presumably contributes equally to everything bit who could be entitled to nothing if someone died or got divorced.

One of you out if the three is in a less secure and less stable position than the other 2? That doesn't worry you that one day it might become a problem?

I’m not saying anything about holding hands. Relationships of course involve sex. But that is not all they are about.

Its extremely weird to think they are only about sex, or to only think about sex when you hear about someone’s relationship.

There's a big difference between a parental figure and a 'shared girlfriend'.

Some people are so desperate to show how open minded they are that their brains fall out.

Also, this acquaintance either has dreadful boundaries, or she's insecure about the arrangement (which I bet was her bloke's idea) and is trying to soundboard it off neutral third parties.

No it doesn’t worry me at all.

She has her own bank account but contributes to the house.

The kids love her as much as me and will call her mummy xxxx. If we were to have any more children, it would be a blessing and we would be happy.

Yes we can afford to live just the two of us.

Is she on any tenancy agreements or mortgages or anything?

Cos that sounds like a room mate set up witg the added bonus of presumably helping out and being a third parent to the kids?

So effectively you and your husband could boot her out any time as you can afford to go it alone together, akd shed have no legal recourse on ant contributions to the house shes made and no rights over the kids shes formed a relationship with.

That doesn't sound great fir her tbh

Yes she’s on the tenancy agreement, council tax and the bills

Does that also mean that your husband and her could afford to go it alone and boot you out?

They could. But they won’t

My husband could comfortably afford to boot me out. Is that the reason your husband stays with you?
What a strange way to look at relationships.

@10HailMarys
I agree wholeheartedly.

I'm single.

The kids found it hard enough without the added mind fuck of knowing that one of their parents is still happily shacked up with someone. Or having to split their days between three people.

Or god forbid the choose to stay in the house with dad and the other mum.

Usually future partners are not introduced into the mix fir a while after. It would seen pretty harsh to me aswell if I was struggling alone with the children do as even if I'd met someone they couldn't be in the home around the kids while the ex already had someone there and effectively their lives won't have changed that much.

There's a big difference between a parental figure and a 'shared girlfriend'.

Well, maybe there is, maybe there isn't. OP — who I suspect was being a goady twat — hasn't been back. So we have no idea, really. Of course there will be unstable throuples out there. There are unstable couples too. This doesn't mean that the concept is flawed.

My position on this isn't just me being performatively open-minded for internet points. The people I know are real people who are in my life, and in my brother's life. And I can tell you, based on these women who I know (and others), that throuples/three-person relationships can work, can be mutually supportive, can provide an appropriate environment for raising children, and can last for many years. What's more, since the throuple that I know are all lesbians, this surely demonstrates that polyamorous relationships are not always all about men's cakeism, as some here seem to believe.

And Soubriquet on this thread has gone to the trouble of explaining that the same is true of her life, not to mention been extremely patient and answered a lot of quite intrusive questions about her home set-up and relationship from various posters.

Or she’s just comfortable talking about, after all we have no idea how this conversation happened. But nice projection and assumptions… you know what they say about assumptions.

This.

I only know of two throuples. One is a woman, her husband and their male partner. The other is a lesbian throuple.

The assumption that it must have been foisted on this woman is part of a theme I see a lot on here that seems to think the only sex women genuinely consent to is monogamous, heterosexual and vaginal sex. In reality women have more sexual agency than that.

How do you know there is sex? Were you there? 😂

Perhaps should the occasion arise where one person separates from the relationship(s) the children are happier that there is a happy relationship still on one side, and that they know that partner.. and it isn't some random bought in later as a step parent? You're making huge judgements based on a what if. Monogamous people split up all the time.. it doesn't make the situation do or die for the kids, it is something that happens. Polyamorous people are usually very good at communicating issues, because they have to be to maintain more than one relationship. You cannot just sweep the issues under the carpet like some couples choose to do.

There's no end of posts on here from women who's (straight) husbands want to watch their wives get fucked by another man.

Also, I think there are a lot more bi women around than there are genuinely bi men. Which makes mff threeway more of a balanced affair in that circumstance.

Monogamous people split up all the time.. it doesn't make the situation do or die for the kids, it is something that happens. Polyamorous people are usually very good at communicating issues, because they have to be to maintain more than one relationship. You cannot just sweep the issues under the carpet like some couples choose to do.

This.

I always find it strange when the OP never returns to their own thread...

I just wanted to say thank you. Your comments have given me hope 🙂

For the 18 months I've been dating a couple and we've been talking for the last few months about all buying a house together. I cannot describe the sheer amount of love I've felt since we all started dating, especially after years and years of a distant unaffectionate marriage. The communication is also so much better; where in my marriage it was all shouting or silent treatment, now I'm in a relationship where we all have to sit down talking regularly to make it work.

We have five children between us and I have been worrying for a while about blending the families. Although, we have spoken at length about how we'd do it and the challenges we could face.

My girlfriend has been my best friend for 10 years and our children have grown up together, seeing each other at least once a week, which I hope will help if we do decide to move in together. Sometimes we've slipped up and our kids have seen us kissing, hugging maybe more than friends would but there been no questions. I'm wondering if I should have sat down with them and tried to explain the situation sooner.

We already all treat each others children like our own, I guess similar to a niece/nephew relationship. In fact my boyfriend is a more enthusiastic fun dad to my kids than their own father and it gives me so much joy to see them finally receiving that father role model. My girlfriend is more of a sit quietly and do drawing with my kids kind of mum. It lovely when we both sit down with the kids and spend time with them.

There is some pressure to move in quickly. The cost of living going up is putting stress on both our households, especially mine, so there is a lot of appeal in moving in together to share the costs.

The beginning of this thread made me worry that our children will be bullied and experience all the stigma around polyamarous family setups. I'm still worried but it's comforting to know there are others out there with this family setup 😊

consenting adults can do what they like with each other, but children never need to be brought into it, ever.

I’m glad it’s given you hope

I don't think most people care how other people live as long as they're not hurting anyone.

It's educational for DC to see there is more than one way of doing things.

I don't think it's inappropriate. It's just another kind of relationship.

Goady fucker or it just doesn't go the way they'd hoped.

I'd be interested to know what was being said in conversation to even bring up the relationship but I guess we'll never know.