To feel this isn’t appropriate?

[Acrosstheseas]

I was speaking to someone I don’t know very well, only an acquaintance. But she shocked me when she told me this.
She said her and her husband have a girlfriend they share and they’ve explained to their young children that some relationships include more than 2 people…

I’m trying hard not to be judgemental, but does anyone else find this inappropriate?

I disagree (respectfully). I don't believe there's any sound reason why three parents/parental figures would be any more confusing to kids than two, or one/a single parent raising a child alone, or separated parents/coparenting situations. Or indeed a group/village mentality to raising children, as still happens in many other cultures worldwide.

We only normalise two-parent families because that's what we tend to see. It doesn't mean that other configurations are automatically harmful, confusing or wrong.

I think it's inappropriate and probably confusing for the kids, what they do in their own time is their business though

I would say it’s up to them but it’s a bit different if children are involved
However, as long as they behave appropriately in front of the children and don’t embarrass them as they get older (mind you with most teens you do that if you breathe) then it’s nobody else’s business.
I do think that a lot of the time these things do go wrong and it may be that the woman is just accepting her husbands mistress to save her marriage but I suppose in some cases it’s as straight forward as it is presented

I don't think this is inappropriate. Different strokes for different folks, and I guess maybe she's telling you so if the girlfriend picks the kids up or you see her and girlfriend or dad with the girlfriend you'll know who she is, and not make up gossip about dad cheating or whatever. If everyone is happy in the set up, I can't see the harm in a child having another adult around to spend time with and who is looking out for them. So long as nobody is being coerced or abused and the children are having their needs met, what's the bother? Families don't have to be conventional to be loving, happy and healthy. It might not be your cup of tea, but to each their own. I couldn't get upset about this

Yeah to me it's inappropriate. There's already a power imbalance IMO as one woman has kids with the man and the other doesn't. It's a messy situation based around sex that kids don't need to be involved in IMO.

Oh, give over. She's not actually shared anything about what they do in the bedroom. If she'd announced 'I like dogging and getting fisted by strangers', that would be inappropriate and attention-seeking.

If you mentioned your husband/wife in a conversation with an acquaintance, that would be just as revealing about your sexual preferences as what this woman said to the OP. But I'm guessing you have no issue with that and would not consider that 'attention-seeking'.

My relationship is two people: me and boyfriend. But this woman's relationship is three people: her, her husband and their girlfriend. That kind of relationship absolutely would not be for me, but they're not doing anyone any harm and I don't see why it's any more 'confusing' for a child than the various permutations of blended families out there.

Why is it for you to decide it's "inappropriate"?

Being in a gay related used to be "inappropriate" too. As did being gay parents.

Luckily many people got over themselves, and realised that as long as the adults involved were happy, and the children loved, it didn't really matter.

You say it's "inappropriate" - why do you think that? Once you've figured that out, replace the word thruple with gay. Does it sound bigoted?

Thruples are not for me, but that doesn't make it my (or anyone else's) place to deem it wrong solely on the grounds that I don't necessarily agree with it.

Mind your business.

Unless the girlfriend is taking an active role in co-parenting the children, I can't imagine why they would even need to know who else their mum and dad are shagging.

It just speaks to weak boundaries which is why it feels uncomfortable.

Mind your business...she was, when the person told her all about her business. Making it OP's business.

Don't compare everything to being gay, its really offensive.

That’s exactly why I think it would be confusing for the children, because two-parent families are normalised and are extremely more common and accepted in our society as opposed to 3 or more parents. (Not including step parents).

How did it it come up in the conversation?

@Mythreefavouritethings · Yesterday 22:38
Beam me up 🙄

Scotty ? Is that you ?? After all these years !

Yanbu, I think its disgusting to do this when you have children. So messed up. Disgusting putting your own sexual needs before your kids.

Depends on the age of the children. If their young enough they might not question it and think mum and dad have the same best friend. Might be harder for teens having to contimplate their parents love life more than they'd like to.

What part of what she said isn't true?

It’s not remotely comparable to being gay. Being gay is a sexual orientation, shagging multiple people at the same time is a sexual preference

For those people who don’t think it’s inappropriate in the slightest, how many of you would be happy for one of your teenage or even adult kids to bring home a couple of their partners to stay over?

I know quite a few people who it is a cultural/ accepted? Norm to have traditional wife(s) and girlfriends/side chicks. The only requirement is, that all the children born, are treated equally. It doesn't confuse anyone. In their scenarios, from an outside and UK view, the women are accepting way less than they should, but that's their choice.

As long as the relationship appeared healthy, mutually enriching/rewarding and supportive etc, I wouldn't care.

As I say, I know actual people in decade-plus-long relationships who live this way. They appear to be very happy.

so where do you draw that line?

You would be quite happy for your kids to have a threesome in your house with your blessing because you’re oh so forward thinking.

What about if your kids were into s&m? Would you be happy for them to have their sub or dom or whatever over and indulge with a couple of whips and what not? I mean it’s all perfectly normal isn’t it?

I don’t see a problem with this? It’s their family formation, so why not explain to the kids?