To feel this isn’t appropriate?

[Acrosstheseas]

I was speaking to someone I don’t know very well, only an acquaintance. But she shocked me when she told me this.
She said her and her husband have a girlfriend they share and they’ve explained to their young children that some relationships include more than 2 people…

I’m trying hard not to be judgemental, but does anyone else find this inappropriate?

I'd definitely fall into the having more questions category 😂

Well that's true but on the otherhand why would someone suddenly announce that. I find that really bizarre.

BS, never happened.

Are they all consenting adults? If so then wind your judgey neck in.

It wouldn't be my thing, but if it works for them, it's better than having secretive affairs. The most inappropriate thing IMO was discussing it with a casual acquaintance.

Much more appropriate.

This ^

As long as everyone is a consenting adult and the kids are happy, nurtured and loved it's none of anybody else's business.
Being exposed to anger, violence, domestic abuse and multiple changing step parents messes kids up. Having a stable home life that happens to have more than one adult around doesn't. It wouldn't be for me because I'd find my partner sharing intimacy with someone else very hard to handle, but I can totally see the appeal.

Just think of an extra income in the house, extra pairs of hands around the house, there's always someone at hand to babysit on 2 of the people's date night, if your partner is tired/stroppy /not in the mood there is another option and when you are tired or not in the mood you can have a night off without feeling guilty for leaving them hanging.

Just think of an extra income in the house, extra pairs of hands around the house, there's always someone at hand to babysit on 2 of the people's date night, if your partner is tired/stroppy /not in the mood there is another option and when you are tired or not in the mood you can have a night off without feeling guilty for leaving them hanging

Or it could all be the compete opposite.

You pay an equal share but get kicked out your bedroom when its not your turn.

Imagine spending all day looking after the kids so your husband can spend it with someone else.

Its not remotely frustrating that someone comes to you for sex after discovering their first choice that night was too tired?

No need to solve any problems because you can just go to the other person every time you have a fight?

100% will lead to messed up kids.

Even more weird that she felt the need to even tell you. Attention seeking individual!

Beyond inappropriate but in today's world of 'me me 'me' she won't give a shit if it's messing up her children - so long as she's having a rampant sex life, all is good.

They weren't sharing their serial preferences they were sharing their relationship dynamic. That's like me telling you to not share your sexual preference with me when all you have done is introduce me to your husband or wife.

Mumsnet never fails to disappoint me in reducing peoples lives and relationships down to sex and sex alone.

OP was told about a relationship - not a sexual preference. Threesomes are about sex. Polyamory is about relationships. Some throuples may have sex as threesomes but some do not. Someone telling you (or their child) they are in a throuple tells you nothing about whether they like threesomes in the bedroom - just as someone telling you they are in a monogamous relationship tells you nothing about whether they only have sex with their partner.

This is no different to telling a child that a single parent has a new parent. Similar considerations apply - the relationship should be pretty solid and stable before introducing to kids etc, but if that is the case then nothing inappropriate.

This.

Those are all good reasons for you to avoid polyamorous relationships (I don’t think I could make one work either, FWIW).

But they are not reasons to judge others who can make those relationships work.

It's probably far better for children to see three consenting adults communicating well and working through problems together than some of the abusive conventional heterosexual couple relationships that get talked about in MN. I should think a good few of those result in messed up kids. Plus plenty of children are brought up with at least one step parent closely involves, and it's not so different from that ' and again, has the potential to mess kids up if the adults are combative, but can be very rewarding if they all work well together.

I have no idea of the dynamics of this particular throuple, how they manage the everyday stresses that all relationships go through. It is harder work with more people involved, but that doesn't automatically mean they're not making a success of it.

Telling the kids is perverse.

I don't know that I'd say it's inappropriate per se. Confusing maybe. Certainly unusual. If it were me, I'd be discreet about it.

But I must say, the book "They fuck you up, your mum and dad" springs to mind here.

OP was told about a relationship - not a sexual preference.

Their girlfriend implies the women are bi.

I already said that the adults can knock themselves out.

I would however be incredibly surprised if there were not issues with regards to what is being modelled with the children.

Not necessarily intentionally but they will pick up on things. I cant imagine having to explain a healthy relationship to my teenage dd whilst appearing to be disregarding my own advice.

the poem, not the book!

Although I imagine a book of the same name would be a bestseller.

Why would you be disregarding your own advice?

Unless you’re telling DD that only two-person relationships can be healthy - but I doubt the people referred to in the OP are doing that.

So?

As another posted, being gay or bi is a sexual orientation not a sexual preference. By sexual preference I am talking about what someone likes to do when it comes to sex.

Parents saying ‘most people are in relationships with only two people, but your Dad and I have both met a woman that we really like and we are in a relationship with three people now’ tells a child nothing about their parents sexual preferences.

Why?

How does telling them benefit the children?

Right so your 15/16 year old comes home and tells you their boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on them then suggested that they all just share eachother. Or that their boyfriend/girlfriend suggested a threesome or to let their friends have a go/join in, it would certainly feel for me to be incredibly difficult to explain about coercion/peer pressure/ porn fantasy/the importance of protection etc if I was shacked up with 2 others who took turns in which room they spend the night.

Would a 16 year old even have the language or the understanding to know the difference.

Does that mean you are shoving your sexual preference down your friends faces when you first introduced them to your partner? Would a homosexual man not be allowed to bring his boyfriend to the family Sunday roast because that would be him shoving his sexual preference in his nephews face?